can you break up with a guy via txt msg if...

[DeadRussianSpaceMonkey]

You weren't looking for advice you were looking for someone as shallow as yourself to validate your own shallowness. One person agreed and that was the one you chose.

You don't have to flame me to make your point.- If you have an argument take the time make it and express it- & The same goes for Just_Believe18. I didn't mean to mislead this guy, or do a disservice to him or the guy that he's been dating, but instead just layout my thoughts and ideas on the topic, no more or no less.- Try to see and understand why someone else might have a different perspective. I don't think, that I am shallow by no means and I don't think it's fair for you to say so, but I guess you can do as you like.

Also, I don't see why everyone is jumping all over this guy from the very start of this thread, you might not agree with his question, but he came here looking for feedback/advice, not to feel shamed for asking such a question.- Give the guy some credit, he's putting some thought and time into what might be the best way to breakup with the guy he's been seeing- It might be geared from his own discomforts, but he still seeking others advice on what is the best way to let down this guy, which doesn't mean he's not open to others opinions. So, give him some credit, it's not as if he has no respect or decency at all.

I don't even know why you guys jumped all over him at the end as well, and you still don't know what he decided to do in the end. He could have liked my thoughts, but it doesn't mean that he'll follow them through. I'm one person out of many, he might conclude that the majority of guys do like to be broken up with in person, even though they might not the most moving words to explain why this might be the case.

For me writing, and speech are just mediums to convey our thoughts and ideas to one another. A letter, a phone text, a phone call, in person verbal communication- Will each have different outcomes. I still don't know which is the best method or route to spare someone the agony of being broken up with (It will always be unexpected, and undesired for the person being broken up with, unless if they are in the same place). So, I don't think there is any best way to do so as long as you show them respect throughout the process, and your don't try to belittle or hurt the other person.- I think that is the best way.

Going the route of trying to break up in person did save my current relationship that I am in- It gave me an opportunity to voice out all of the things that have been bothering me about our relationship in person and face to face rather than here and there.- He did end up asking me if I'd give him time to work on things after listening to what I had to say. I didn't find this unreasonable at all. Only time will tell, what will result. His first response was you came here to breakup with me, you couldn't have just did it over the phone, or by text. (I didn't want him to be driving upset when things went down, so I did this at his house)- My thing was that I really did want things to work out, but I noticed issues that bothered me and the simpleness of the things I was looking for should have been given with no effort as all.

The thing with the OP is he feels content with the relationship or so it seems. It's there, but it's an illusion of a relationship because he doesn't see anything for the future in it. It has only been dating, in a short window of time. I really don't see the issue on texting him or calling him and just telling him. "Things aren't going to workout, we gave it a shot. I think you are a great guy and all, and would have really liked it to workout, but it doesn't feel right now. I don't want to waste yours or mine, I think you deserve better than what I am willing to give you right now.", but personalized a bit more.

 

[DeadRussianSpaceMonkey]

How will that make you feel? Personally, I will feel like shit and I would be like W T F ??? WHAT? and I'm going to call you and talk 100 words a second to find a reason why my day just went from awesome to absolutely shit hole. And then I will spend the rest of my day, replaying every single moment of our relationship and think: what the hell did I do wrong? And after couple of days, my thought process will be: fuck that bitch, he doesn't deserve me. I will hate him for the rest of my life. I will take this scar with me and if I ever see that fucker again. I will scream in his face.

1. Denial and Isolation.
2. Anger.
3. Bargaining.
4. Depression.
5. Acceptance.

I still think that a person will have to go through this process no matter what.

 

[DeadRussianSpaceMonkey]

Also, note that not all people are very confrontational, and forward which might cause them to back down or poorly communicate their thoughts for putting themselves in a position that they aren't entirely comfortable with. Not to use it as an excuse, for someone to not go out of there comfort zone to address an issue in their life, but just food for thought.

 

[theFallenGod]

The problem is he wasn't looking for advice. He was looking for someone to say it was ok. From the fact that he took the advice of the only person to say it was ok it makes it look like he wasn't even thinking about anything. he made up his mind to do this and wanted validation not advice.

If you're man enough to be in a relationship you should be man enough to break it off like an adult.

Then again after reading his past threads I can see why he would take the cowards way out. The OP is not yet ready to handle a real, adult relationship.

He has no valid reason except boredom and rather than work things out with this guy or give the guy a chance to work with him he just wants to cut and run with his hands over ears like a petulant child.

I repeat. The guy he's dumping deserves much better than this pathetic louse.

 

[HunterM]

We can only give advice. It's up to the OP to decide for himself.

All I can say is: payback is a bitch!

 

[erstwhile]

It's fine if you're not into a person, but I definitely agree that you deserve to explain that to them and not leave them wondering.

If you're going to do it via text, at least make sure you're willing to answer any questions that may arise from your chosen method of delivery. Don't leave the guy hanging and wondering.

I do agree, that it's better to do this in person and at least allow for there to be closure through discussion. Your relationship views and expectations don't have to align with the other man, but you should still treat him with respect and help him come to terms with that if that's what he wants.

 

[Seasoned]

You can do whatever you like, but facing a fear and doing it anyway builds your character. It's scary to face conflict. It's scary to think about have a "date" to spill a secret. What happens when he's told? How do you each exit, etc.

What is it about fear of conflict that makes it easier to lick someone's balls then to tell them that you won't be seeing them? Probably, it's fear of drama. Do it in a relatively public place and have an exit strategy. If it involves food or drink, pay the bill, for god's sake.

 

[hotb0d]

1. Denial and Isolation.
2. Anger.
3. Bargaining.
4. Depression.
5. Acceptance.

I still think that a person will have to go through this process no matter what.

obviously, any break up is hard. And of course the person will go through those similar steps by the two methods (breaking up through a text or in person). But they also have several distinct differences. In my opinion, anyone who think breaking up via text message is a douche and a coward.

 

[hotb0d]

Also, note that not all people are very confrontational, and forward which might cause them to back down or poorly communicate their thoughts for putting themselves in a position that they aren't entirely comfortable with. Not to use it as an excuse, for someone to not go out of there comfort zone to address an issue in their life, but just food for thought.

confrontational? this isn't a fight or an argument. He's the one planning the break up, he can plan out this break up however he wants. This should and will not fly as an excuse.

No food for thought...mkay.

 

[xname10]

unless he already knows that things are ok but no going anywhere dont do it by text, just go and tell him that there's no point in staying together.

It will at least be a clear answer and will not confuse him

 

[Deandbn]

Only if you have no balls and no spine.Would you do it by text.

How would you like that done to you, Be a man and man-up and tell him at the very least by phone. In the end you will learn something about your self. It's called integrity which right now you have none but you can earn it..Do the right thing.

I hope you dont mind me borrowing your message (with amendments) Racer.

 

[CountryBiy86]

btw i didnt break up with him via text msg.

I want to give you guys more information on why i considered breaking up via text. Out relationship was text-based. When we're not together, our ONLY way of communication is by text msging. (ive called him a couple times and left messages during the beginning of the dating and he never answered the phone). He would reply back with a text message. We've only talked on the phone once and that was the first week. He's never called me once, only texts. Through it all, we still got along great. We were not exclusive to each other.

Before you comment or make assumptions on anything you should learn the facts first. YES, i am just a boy with alot of questions and im still trying to find my way in life, hence the reason why im on this site... to get help/advice from all you "wiser" older gents. Or so i thought. Weren't we all in this situation once upon a time? Stop with the name calling, assumptions about me... this is suppose to be a support forum.

 

[rjmrjm21]

Hold on. I've had to break up with someone I dated for 6 months, by email. It wasn't cause I'm an ass or didn't respect him or care about him. I cared about him very much but I could not tell him in person. Anyway, I think it would be worse to lead someone on, just because you don't want to hurt his feelings. Better to just get it done.

 

[G-Lexington]

Late to this party, but I would've said to go ahead and do it. It would give him a reason to feel good about being free of you.

Lex

 

[future_retro]

Hold on. I've had to break up with someone I dated for 6 months, by email. It wasn't cause I'm an ass or didn't respect him or care about him. I cared about him very much but I could not tell him in person. Anyway, I think it would be worse to lead someone on, just because you don't want to hurt his feelings. Better to just get it done.

You *had* to? Someone held a gun to your head? No, you didn't *have* to, you *chose* to, because it was easier for you. At least be honest with yourself.

 

[Willie Boy]

I agree. Breaking up with someone via email/phone/text is not something that is "needed". It is an "I just don't WANT" to see him/her again so I "wont" do it in person.

As I stated previously, there is only one instance where that is even considerable: If breaking up with the other person will put your life in imminent danger.

 

[rjmrjm21]

You *had* to? Someone held a gun to your head? No, you didn't *have* to, you *chose* to, because it was easier for you. At least be honest with yourself.

No, I couldn't. I tried to 2 or 3 times but could not say it.

 

[altlover85]

btw i didnt break up with him via text msg.

I want to give you guys more information on why i considered breaking up via text. Out relationship was text-based.

Good for you for not breaking up with him via text.

Even though your relationship was text-based, it wasn't only text-based I'm assuming.
You did see him in person, so ideally you break up with him in person.

 

[dhchitown1984]

I loathe the text message break up. Someone mentioned it already.... you're going about your day, maybe your in the middle of the mall, running errands, inbetween tasks at work and then BAM you're single and you dont have the time to talk about it.

Grow a pair and breakup in person (or at least a phone call at the VERY least). I would HATE to have my good day ruined by that text message.

I've used an approach that has worked before (both in breakups as well as even talking to my boss about something at work makes me unhappy). I'll call and just say "Hey, do you want to grab coffee tomorrow? I was hoping to talk to you about something that's been bugging me lately." That way, you're giving them enough information to know that something isn't sitting quite right with you, and when you enter the conversation at Starbucks or wherever, you can bring it up without it being awkward. They've had some time to run through possible scenarios in their head, and preplan some reactions, and that way, no one is necessarily caught off guard.... may not be their "best of the worst" scenarios, but no one is caught off guard, no one's day is necessarily ruined, and it shows you can have an adult conversation.

 

[bankside]

btw i didnt break up with him via text msg.

Before you comment or make assumptions on anything you should learn the facts first. YES, i am just a boy with alot of questions and im still trying to find my way in life, hence the reason why im on this site... to get help/advice from all you "wiser" older gents. Or so i thought. Weren't we all in this situation once upon a time? Stop with the name calling, assumptions about me... this is suppose to be a support forum.

I see your point. Think of JUB like the army and you're a new recruit in boot camp. The support you. They believe in you. But if you screw something up, they don't always hug you and tell you to try again.

Anyway, I'm sorry it didn't work out.