Can you fuck women if you want to? [my confusing sexuality story]

[snakkie]

Well, i think that it may be some thread in this forum related to this, but i didn't find it.

I will tell you a little about my sexual historic, that it's a little confusing, but here it goes:

I always had some sexual interest in men: at 9/10 years old i had oral sex several times with who was at that time my best friend (and other friends that got involved once or twice), at 14 i had oral and anal sex with who is actually my best friend , i had some few girlfriends, some strong attractions to kids in my school (that i never really realized that was sexual attraction until i was 17\18) , and had sex for the first time with a girl at 17 (that actually got me little pleasure because i was to much drunk to feel anything).

The problem appears when, after a really fatigating night of alcohol and weed, i was to fuck a friend of mine and at the precious moment my dick refused to get up, not even by stroking it in the bathroom. I was 18.

I know actually that that happened because of that stupid amount of alcohol and weed etc, but after that days, that really messed my brain. I started to think that maybe i was gay, etc etc etc and refusing it
And after some tough months of thinking about it, i was beginning to "define" me as gay, when, i realized that i had some urges with 2 girls that i know. So, here i was back to the beginning.

I never had fucked any girl since then (i'm 19 and an half), i never had confidence to fuck one - and can say that i have some girls that really want me to do it. I'm always afraid that at that moment my dick will fail. When i watch porn, i wish i had a vagina to fuck just there, but when i'm with a girl i don't have that sexual attraction and confidence to really do it.

I don't have any problems liking men, i think it's great, awesome. But i really want to fuck women, even that is just to experiment some things, and of course, it's with women that i always wanted to be married one day...

When i talk to someone about gay sex, or read some of the stories in this forum, men, i can very easily get and erection. But i can kiss a girl, and never get that urge (sometimes i have it), and that makes me not want to go further in the act, afraid to not be able to get it up.

So my problem here is, maybe i'm gay, maybe i'm a bisexual with much more interest in men - it's not my problem to define me with some exact name, but this thing of not knowing if i could fuck a woman if i wanted too (i want) is messing my brain of this plentiful opportunities of doing this now, at 19.

This thing is so damn confusing, because i believe that everyone can have sexual pleasure to everyone (not sexual attraction needed), but deep in my head, i don't believe in myself anymore.

I'm not hoping you to say some great idea to solve this, because i know that the final story only i can say, but i would really enjoy reading some thoughts of yours and similar stories and how they ended.

 

[red1979]

They say the biggest erogenous zone is the brain. If you're really turned on by a girl mentally then you should be okay getting hard for her. But on the flip side if your head is full of doubt because of that previous experience then you'll have issues getting it up because you believe you would. It's a self-defeating state of mind.
Success or failure is all in your head.

 

[Shepherd 2]

I am going to say two things, and I hope it doesn't sounds rude.

First, the greatest deterrent to any form of sexual expression are the use and abuse of drugs and alcohol. Sex may gratify you, but it is a backward way to approach the activity. Your goal might better be to get the girl off. With the pressure off you and you paying attention to her pleasure, you can probably do it. But it sounds like you are really gay and trying to get off the hook.

Second, find the other person's erogenous zones, male or female and work them to perfection, and you will be amazed how excited it will make you. It is not about you but what happens in the sexual relationship that makes the act to exciting. Step aside and enjoy sex for others.

Shep+

 

[snakkie]

If you're really turned on by a girl mentally then you should be okay getting hard for her.
Success or failure is all in your head.

Well, that's another thing. I love the idea of fucking a girl, but when i'm thinking about it i don't get hard. But i recently realized that that also applies when fantasizing about a boy that i'm actually really attracted to. Confusing, i know.
But clearly guys are for who i'm more attracted to.

Your goal might better be to get the girl off. With the pressure off you and you paying attention to her pleasure , you can probably do it. But it sounds like you are really gay and trying to get off the hook.

Shep+

Great suggestion (i remembered sometimes that that happened to me - getting pleasure of seeing someone getting pleasure from you)


even if i'm gay, damn, can't i just fuck some girl just to have some fun xD ?!

 

[Lefty]

common sense says you can't fuck them if you can't get it up. So, you are the only one that can answer that question.

maybe start out with a little hair pie and see what "tongues
' up.

 

[biguy732]

If you are BI and attracted to both sexes - then yes. However if you cannot get hard thinking of fucking a woman - then you cant and you are gay.

 

[nate78]

The OP reads like a Nigerian letter. Lol. All that aside, best of luck in your quest. I'm 31 and would LOVE to have sex with a woman just to experience it, but I fear I'll never get it up when the time comes. Idk, I'm just going with the flow. Most likely, a threesome would do the trick. Fool around with the guy, get hard, stick it in 'er. You need an open minded girl. Lol. Peace out.

 

[snakkie]

The OP reads like a Nigerian letter. Lol. All that aside, best of luck in your quest. I'm 31 and would LOVE to have sex with a woman just to experience it, but I fear I'll never get it up when the time comes. Idk, I'm just going with the flow. Most likely, a threesome would do the trick. Fool around with the guy, get hard, stick it in 'er. You need an open minded girl. Lol. Peace out.

even that it's not the most enthusiastic story, it's great to hear someone who has the same issue that i have.

 

[Carnivorous]

Chill out a little & don't beat yourself up. Lets face it, whiskey-dick is just that.
Look, don't let the past mess up today & the future--one experience doesn't mean shit. Seems to me that you're in a great position to get yourself into their panties since they want you. Hell, give them what they want. Believe me, once they get into it they'll get you into it. You'll look back on this & laugh at your fears. Live today like it's your last...
Happy New Years!!

 

[mbamike]

It sounds to me that you just lost your confidence in getting erections. That has left you with the need to shun women because you are afraid you may not be able to "get it up" when you are with them.

One strike does not mean anything. As the ole saying goes, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again!" I would suggest that you try without the alcohol and the weed. Good luck!

 

[Curious Blue]

I was once told by a friend in my teens that it is near impossible to be 50/50 between men and women when it comes to sexual attraction, so the term "bi-sexual" is somewhat misleading. You will attracted to one more than the other and this level of difference it particular to each individual.

I have had few gay experiences but even when in a relationship with a women where I enjoyed the sex fine I always had an attraction to men that was more than just intellectual. In a small number of periods between women I have enjoyed the odd fondle with a man but this is my first such period where I am actively seeking to understand and experiment with a man - not a reflection on anything wrong with me or a statement that I have suddenly become more bi-sexual

It's a tough enough situation when you are attracted to both men and women as it is without worrying about whether you meet any pre-set criteria. If you are attracted to both then you are intellectually bi-sexual, if you have had sexual contact you enjoyed with both then you are at least in part actively bi-sexual. As the saying goes "Whatever floats your boat"

 

[snakkie]

thanks for the feedback guys, these last posts motivated me a little

it's true that i have a really deep fear about that happening again. I consider me a guy that works for what he wants etc but i also think a lot about my reputation\what people thinks about me, and that's what's blocking me to try it again.

I will definitely stop the weed and (at least) reduce de alcohol intake next time.

this is frustrating as hell (it's been 1 year thinking a lot about this), and of course i wish this problem to end as soon as possible. I am going to take another deep breath and try again.

 

[Beanstalk]

One poster here had the solution. I had a similar problem. First of all, I am mostly attracted to men, at least sexually. I love women: I like to live with them, talk with them; I enjoy their presence and style in the house (I love to cook, but I appreciate the help cleaning up, etc.) I even like sex with women -- a little. I used to just have fantasies about a young man when I were with a woman and it worked just fine, but then I got caught up in the "performance anxiety" thing, and began to have problems.

So the solution (just repeating what has already been suggested) is to forget about your own performance, and just focus on giving pleasure to the woman! Use your tongue, my dear! After the woman is dripping wet, soaking the sheets with multiple orgasms, just pick a moment when you find yourself hard and do the trick.

So am I really gay, and only pretending to be bi? Sure, call it whatever you want, but as long as I like women and want them in my life, it feels like bi to me, so that's what I call it, but there is no doubt that when I see the hard and ready cock of a young man, I am so eager to throw myself on his sword!

In fact, I want to find another bi man so we can have a threesome with a hot young woman, either just for fun, or as a permanent arrangement, complete with a batch of rug rats. When there is a hot naked young man beside me, I have no trouble performing at all, at all!

 

[snakkie]

it's interesting how you label yourself considering that you are not that attracted to women in a sexual way.
it touches the topic: you are what you want to be (when talking about sexual preference)

and i did recognized me in what you've said: even if i'm much more attracted to men, i always love the idea of having a women in my life.

 

[bulge]

Many men simply think about a boy and fuck the woman.