Can You Stay Friends With Your Ex ?

[Raistanelf]

My boyfriend broke up with me.

He says he still loves me, and wants us to stay friends. I'm his best friend.

I don't know if I can be friends with him though. It hurts so much. He's the first man I ever loved. He says that, I should be able to just be friends with him, but, I don't think that I can, not while I feel this way .

I want to never talk to him again,I feel so hurt, so broken.... but what if he sees that as a betrayal and never talks to me again. I don't know what I would do, if he never spoke to me again.

What do y'all think ? Is it possible to be friends with your ex, even when you love them completely.
Thoughts svp .

 

[Brtyui]

Don't talk to the person again. It is better to close the wound rather than to keep re opening it every time u see or speak to the guy.

However i think your ex is a little selfish in wanting to stay friends with you so soon after the break up, while using the "still loves" phrase, as he does not have the right to use it so soon.

The simple point is, you can not be just friends with you're ex while you still love them completely. Its not fair on yourself. You need time to get over a person before even thinking of a friendship and even then its a hard going process.

It might sound harsh its in the best interest for yourself. My only warning is do not assume all relationships are like your first one because they aren't

 

[Seasoned]

There will be a lot of people here telling you to do what you need to do to stay friends. I don't agree. Unless, it morphs into friendship naturally I maintain that a divorce means just that.

 

[heightsboi]

You may be able to be friends, but it's clear that you can't be friends right now.

Take all the time and space you need, and when the wounds have healed you'll know better if you can be friends again.

I'm still friends with two of my exes, but they have the advantage of many years and many hundreds of miles of separation. It takes time.

 

[justsimon]

You can't force it. I'm friends with two of my exes. One, I only dated casually. The other, I lived with for two years, but we broke up about 5 years ago. And she lives two states away.

My most recent ex and I are trying to be friends because there are lingering feelings and we're both terrified of losing the other person. It's probably quite unhealthy.

 

[DayDreamingBeast]

This guy I kinda dated for 6 months and that I got really attached with decided he didn´t want to have a serious relationship with me due to the distance between us, he wanted to leave things open so I told him it would be better to be just friends. We agreed and things were good but every once in a while he would say things like I really miss you, or call me by the cute nickname he gave me when we were going out and kept doing things like that that only made me realize I still had feelings for him. Eventually it was too much for me too handle and I pushed him away. So I guess if you two want to be just friends it will work, but as long as one of you still has feelings for the other it will be hard and painful.

 

[Grey_Sky]

It is better to close the wound rather than to keep re opening it every time u see or speak to the guy.

This is the very point of it.
You cannot be only friends with him while the wound is not completely healed.

You can try and do it now, but it will just hurt you more.

My advice is, back away now and let time do it's magic. In the future, when you see him again and don't flich, maybe it's time to develop this friendship

 

[backpacker]

Given that this is your first love, you are definitely going to need some space. My advice would be to distance yourself for at least six months. Have a talk with him and let him know that you need space and ask him not to call, text, etc. for at least six months. If you happen to run into him, be friendly, but don't engage him in conversation.

You may be able to be friends with him someday, but only if you no longer have romantic feelings for him. That may occur in a few months or it may take longer as he's your first love.

As he was both your boyfriend and best friend, you are going to have a void in your life to fill. Keep as busy as possible so that you can't dwell on him not being in your life. Reach out to your other friends and do things to make new friends. When you are ready, date other guys, but don't look for a serious relationship anytime soon.

Good luck!

 

[medic1]

A number of options-he cheated on you , nope
You both cheated on each other--Maybe
Any physical or mantal-abuse from either side ----NOPE
did you ever talk about how things may turn out--Maybe
He has been fucking your best-mate--Hell no
You have been fucking his best-mate--See above

Good-Luck .

 

[Ninja108]

In time, you might be able to be friends with him but as of now..the wound is still too fresh.
Give yourself some space and let him know the reason why you won't be returning his calls or be seeing him for a while.
He should be able to understand that.

 

[dhchitown1984]

You are the one in control of this situation, right now.

Take YOUR time. For whatever reason, and no matter the reason, he approached you after much internal deliberation and decided to end the relationship.

He broke up with you.
He chose to end what was.
He chose to either not try, or stop trying, to fix it.

You are in EVERY right to tell him "Look, you are ready to redefine us, I'm not. You broke up with me. I don't want to be your friend right now, I still want to be something more. If I feel like you can be a part of my life in a lesser capacity, I'll let you know... when and if that time comes."

Maybe you'll be friends down the road, maybe not. Don't keep him around as a "friend" so you can have false hope that things will change. Don't let him have the comfort of you being around to go out for a drink or a bite to eat when he has nothing better to do, only for you to think it may mean something more.

He broke up with you, and that really sucks. Don't cause yourself more pain by keeping him in your life at this time.

 

[Rolyo85]

You are the one in control of this situation, right now.

Take YOUR time. For whatever reason, and no matter the reason, he approached you after much internal deliberation and decided to end the relationship.

He broke up with you.
He chose to end what was.
He chose to either not try, or stop trying, to fix it.

You are in EVERY right to tell him "Look, you are ready to redefine us, I'm not. You broke up with me. I don't want to be your friend right now, I still want to be something more. If I feel like you can be a part of my life in a lesser capacity, I'll let you know... when and if that time comes."

Maybe you'll be friends down the road, maybe not. Don't keep him around as a "friend" so you can have false hope that things will change. Don't let him have the comfort of you being around to go out for a drink or a bite to eat when he has nothing better to do, only for you to think it may mean something more.

He broke up with you, and that really sucks. Don't cause yourself more pain by keeping him in your life at this time.

This. Btw, it might totally be your fault that the relationship didn't work out. Still wouldn't matter. You don't owe him friendship unless you want to be his friend (and NOT anything more).

My first ex hates my guts (I am contemptuously indifferent toward him). I occasionally chat with my second, but we haven't actually hung out since breaking up, and neither of us has any particular desire for it, I think.

A relationship is a huge emotional investment. Once you go that distance, it's very hard to get back halfway, even if there are no hard feelings on either side. It just feels forced and weird, and in all honesty - unnecessary. Friendships between exes can happen, but only naturally, and after a certain period of time has passed.

 

[chrisw87]

NO

If I date someone, then I either;
A- love them
B- Care for them deeply

Why would I want to see them again if we aren't together, it would just make things messy in my own feelings. Coping with a change like that requires complete loss of contact.

 

[Spiff]

I made an honest attempt with an ex before and wanted to keep it strictly friends. But he kept trying to get in my pants. He was not capable of being around me without wanting sex. And he was a loser who could never hold down a job of any kind and so he could never afford to do shit. So he was a real drag and I finally pushed him away for good.