Can't be alone, jealousy, anger and insults

[recuerdeme]

1) So I've been dating this guy for around 3 months. We spend pretty much every day together. But I'm a man with a demanding job, a house and responsibilities... sometimes I just want to go home and rest. But if I tell him I'm not going to see him even one night out of a week he goes hysterical, begins to say I no longer like him and just becomes inconsolable.

The last time it happened, better said the last time I attempted to get a "night off" for myself, the very next day he didn't answer my calls only calling late at night, drunk and he told me got drunk with his ex! An ex that has made it clear he wants him back and doesn't care about his current relationship. He says nothing happened but... who would think to go running for comfort from an ex after an argument with your bf?

2) I invited him to travel with me to Las Vegas, I paid for everything. Few days ago was his birthday I took him to a great restaurant and his brother tagged along, I paid for everything... didn't want to pay for the brother but... Now my "bf" has an addiction to facebook so anywhere we go he checks-in and few friends ask on occasion "who paid?" I always have to say I paid so some have come to the conclusion he may be trying to use me. Well after the bf's birthday we get home at 4am and he can think of no better thing to do other than to grab my cellphone while I'm not looking and read my texts. He saw a chain about him almost never paying and he started insulting me, my friends and went so far as to insult my mother, he doesn't even know my mother or my friends. The next day he goes out to the bars and gets drunk but he says nothing happened....

There's more but the post is getting long.
Now he 's swearing he'll change and he's sorry for everything.

Thoughts?

 

[Rolyo85]

Dump him. You already know this guy is no good, and you aren't likely to get a different response here. 3 months is nowhere near enough time to develop the feelings that would merit you trying to fix this, and the problems you describe go way deeper than you could reach. Clinginess, fixing problems by getting drunk with potential cheating involved, spying on you etc - all of those are deal breakers on their own. Together? Why are you even hesitating?

It also sounds like your social status is different. That's not always a problem, but he does seem like a user, though not necessarily an intentional one. I can only assume he's younger than you and the sex is great

 

[sixthson]

You paint a picture of a very unappealing person. Why are you still with him?

 

[recuerdeme]

He's older but you are right not in the same socioeconomic class and yes the sex is great haha but I wouldn't stay with him just for that.

And yes this is very unappealing but maybe I'm trying to see it in a different light I don't know... I'm regretting my decision to even try to mend things with him.

 

[Rolyo85]

There isn't a different light.

 

[HunterM]

What you have described is a recurring pattern of unappealing behaviors. You cannot change him. You could live a happier life without this drama, right? If you are not already in it, this drama could lead to an abusive relationship if you continue to tolerate it. If you don't have trust and respect in a relationship, it is not a good relationship.

So run for the hills and seek higher ground. There is a better life out there.

 

[subsonic]

Love sometimes makes one very blind..

I also think that you should pull the plug - and the sooner the better. Who knows what kind of knee-deep shit you will be in if you keep this up. Your bf sounds like an unstable person who needs to work on his issues. I really feel sorry for you as it is not a nice situation to be in, but you shouldn't allow to be treated as a doormat. Run for the hills friend.

 

[Seasoned]

It's not like you've been with him for years and he lapsed into this behavioral pattern. He's not ready of a healthy relationship. You might be co-dependent so be careful of finding guys you need to fix. End this for your peace of mind.

 

[Ganoderma]

hi Recuerdeme,

I agree with other posters that you better stop with being 'the boyfriend' of this guy. His ideas, his interests and his way of living are too much distant from yours.

I am concerned that he cannot understand that people (=you) need your own 'private space', meaning that you won't be able to meet him every evening. Hey man, its very unrealistic that he insists that you must spend every evening / night together with him. That's not how a sound relationship is working (on the long term).

I don't bother much about differences in background / age / social class / jobs (that can also be the case in a straight relationship), but I do bother about his reactions on these kind of topics. So no need for you to bother about paying for both of you (as you seem to have a well-paid job), but do bother because he does not seems to understand why this is the case.

Good luck and take care.

 

[Ninja108]

As others have said,it's time for you to cut your losses and move ASAP.
EVerything you've described,from the jealously to the insults to the spying..those are red flags of an abuser. You've already described some of the things he's done and it's only been three months.
The longer you stay with him,the worse it will get. And it will get worse.