Can't find a boyfriend

[TechBeanie]

So I'm 21, have loads of friends, a decent body and I believe I have a good personality (always positive, fun to be around, good sense of humor) and I can't seem to be able to find a boyfriend. I tried online dating (plentlyoffish) and the iPhone apps but I either seem to find great guys that are in different states or guys that just aren't my type close to where I live.

I live in New York, you would think it would be easy to find someone. The only thing that's left to try is the bars but am I wrong in thinking that most of the people I'm gonna find in gay bars will just be looking for a quick fuck, not a long term relationship?

 

[Seasoned]

Welcome. And I thought the online sites where one looked for a quick one! Frankly I'm glad I'm no longer looking. You can meet potential boyfriends anywhere. I was looking for a quick fuck 28 1/2 years ago and here I am now married to the guy!

The caution about bars is the stronger likelihood of meeting guys with drinking issues. Also, in New York, you're going to find lots of tourists, I would think. I guess if I were your age I'd continue to do the online thing using sites that are there for more than just hook ups and I'd join groups and organizations that would attract other gay guys.

At your age and with the things you having going for you I'd bet you find someone within months, if not weeks, of not trying so hard. It just may be you're too focused. I wouldn't be surprised if there was someone right now right under your nose.

Do keep us posted. I wish you good luck.

 

[hotatlboi]

I think it's best not to assume anything. I go to bars/clubs all the time and I'm open to a LTR if I meet the right guy.

 

[nycguydowntown]

I think a lot of 21 year old's living and working and playing in NYC aren't necessarily looking for a boyfriend. They want to run around and have fun.

 

[maxpowr9]

Bars in general are not the best place to meet guys to date/relationships. Not saying it is impossible but not likely either.

I think without too much information revealed that you are looking for your "perfect fit" which is not gonna happen. I used to think the same way and would nitpick people to death until I realized nobody's perfect. Oh that guy doesn't look like an adonis or he has an attitude. It is this kind of thought process that keeps people single. Of course the other extreme of having very low standards also leads to the perpetual dater. All things in moderation.

 

[TechBeanie]

I think without too much information revealed that you are looking for your "perfect fit" which is not gonna happen. I used to think the same way and would nitpick people to death until I realized nobody's perfect. Oh that guy doesn't look like an adonis or he has an attitude. It is this kind of thought process that keeps people single. Of course the other extreme of having very low standards also leads to the perpetual dater. All things in moderation.

I always tell myself that no one is perfect and I don't look for a guy who has the body of Chris Evans. It seems that the hottest guys with the perfect body have the worst attitudes. It is difficult to find someone who I'm attracted to both physically and mentally. I know lots of guys who I like hanging out with and we would probably be decent boyfriends, the only problem is that I'm not physically attracted to them. I don't think I have high standards in terms of looks but I do need to be able to get an erection when thinking about the guy naked.

 

[maxpowr9]

I don't think I have high standards in terms of looks but I do need to be able to get an erection when thinking about the guy naked.

Ah, the folly of man. Learn to think with your big head more than your little one and the guys will come. Sure, there should be some physical chemistry between the two of you but if you can't get past the surface to see what's inside his heart, you probably will have difficulty developing a relationship beyond the physical.

 

[Incognito]

So I'm 21, have loads of friends, a decent body and I believe I have a good personality (always positive, fun to be around, good sense of humor) and I can't seem to be able to find a boyfriend.

Come be my boyfriend

In all seriousness, I have the same problem, I find lots of guys are interested in me enough to have sex or make friends, but few seem interested in pursuing a relationship. I've thought I'm not forward enough or don't initiate 'dating signals'- maybe you do the same? A lot of guys my age (21) aren't in relationships though, however enough of my gay friends seem to have them to make me feel like I'm doing something wrong.

I thought it'd be easy in New York. Hope you find someone

 

[KaraBulut]

The challenge with NYC is that there are so many gay guys and meeting guys is so random that you end up having to be very aggressive because you may not get a second chance to hookup with someone. That's why meeting someone in a club usually ends up in a one night stand.

The best way to meet people in NYC is either through friends or by finding a social group that has a common interest as you. In a place like NYC, there's a whole subculture of gay guys who get together and do things like running, eating out, seeing movies/shows, etc. When you meet people through friends or via a social club, you have a chance to talk, get to know each other and if you choose, exchange numbers for getting together later.

 

[TechBeanie]

The best way to meet people in NYC is either through friends or by finding a social group that has a common interest as you. In a place like NYC, there's a whole subculture of gay guys who get together and do things like running, eating out, seeing movies/shows, etc. When you meet people through friends or via a social club, you have a chance to talk, get to know each other and if you choose, exchange numbers for getting together later.

Never thought of trying a social group type thing. I do love movies so that's something I could do. Gotta google that.

Seriously though, I probably see 5 guys a day just walking around that I find attractive. Who thought it would be so difficult to find someone who means something?

 

[phil69]

and also, in addition to the great advice above... If you like sports their may be gay groups that play volleyball, or some other recreation too... (indoors since winter) That is what I have done and while I am not looking for a boyfriend, the opportunities seem abundant.

 

[TechBeanie]

and also, in addition to the great advice above... If you like sports their may be gay groups that play volleyball, or some other recreation too... (indoors since winter) That is what I have done and while I am not looking for a boyfriend, the opportunities seem abundant.

I like watching hockey...not really into playing any sport, though

 

[Aratron]

Try www.meetup.com

The GLBT 20Something NYC might be good for you

 

[palbert]

At 21 you still have a lot of time before you hang up the condoms for good. Take your time and look for the right person, not just the right sex partner. The former will bring greater comfort than the latter.

 

[erobert]

I can relate as another 20 something single gay New Yorker. Though, it's not as hard to meet guys as you might think- though finding a boyfriend is a different story. The joke with single women in NYC is all the good guys are taken or are gay (which is good for us).

Try meetup like some else suggested, I've been thinking about going to a few GLBT meetups but haven't yet. There's casting a larger net by joining a few online dating sites. OKCupid, Match.com, etc... are alright for seeking guys who are looking to date.

You may be able to meet guys just going about your daily routine, I've met more guys just going about my day. Barnes and Noble and Starbucks are good places to possibly meet someone. You're relying on chance meetings and being in the right place at the right time so this is a veeery slow route to take but you never know.

Personally, I think the best way to meet someone is through a mutual friend(s). This seems to be a common way of meeting potential BF's. If you don't have any friends yet join a few groups that relate to your interests and go from there.

In major cities there's gay guys everywhere and anywhere and at least one or two of them is single. Your anxiety may be short lived though because you may just find him sooner than you think.

Hope that helps.