Can't flirt , can't do eyes contact!!

[vercub]

Hopefully no one will make fun of my topic and me

Here is my full story .. Please read it only if you are willing to help me not making fun of what I'm going to say

My name is Zach I'm 26 years old, I'm gay .. I was living in a country where people don't respect and encourage gay people ,in other word if you came out people will see you in different view so I pretended all these years that I'm straight person. One day I met a cute guy at some sport place and we became friends , later he kept flirting with me , at the beginning I pretended that I was straight then after long time I told him the truth , after that we became boyfriends ... After a year of relationship I had to move to US for studying abroad so we broke up and here was my story began

I have noticed some gay people have interest on me but I don't know how I can show them that I'm also interest on them
I don't have any skills on how to speak or to flirt or even to look back at them because I might be wrong and that looking at them will consider as rude and I might embarrass myself as well

Here are some situations where I felt regret because I couldn't do anything

@ I was on the buss just before the buss stop a cute guy moved to the door then he looked at me and I can tell he was gay and just noticed me, the door was opened and he was still there looking like if he wanted any sign before he leaves .... I had no idea what I was supposed to do

@ Another situation where I found a very cute guy at buss station , I can tell he was gay from the way he looks and speak besides the buss that he was going to take, where many gay people live, i was trying to take his attention but I didn't know what to do so I asked him for the time and didn't know what to say next

not just that I had i tried different method so i tried some app on iphone for dating i have no skills to talk with people , im like Hi , how you doing... then what next (

I need advices please , I need to know what should I do to show those people , how I can show them im also interested on them , how I can flirt , how I can make sure he is interested on me

im not ugly guy I have noticed many guys staring and trying to take my attention but they aren't my type so im not really interesting on them but it's very rare to find a cute guy staring at me

I also have seen a gay guy in one of the phone app in real , he wasn't interested on me when i typed to him , simply coz i had no skills but when i suddenly saw him at some shop he was very interested on me .. he was looking every time i looked at him .... once again i didn't know what to do

Please help i need advices

 

[altlover85]

If you aren't sure what to do spend some time observing other people. See what they do when approached by someone they like and try and mimic that while also staying true to yourself.

Most people like to be asked questions about themselves. You could ask a guy about where he's from, what he does for a job, the type of music he likes, where he has traveled to, and things like that.

If you aren't comfortable talking, ask questions. When asked a question, don't just give yes or no answers. Try and elaborate on things.

Finally don't ask questions that can be answered in one word. Instead ask questions that allow the person to elaborate on the subject.

I hope this helps. Good luck!

 

[Telstra]

You got an iphone ?

maybe write a prepared sets of questions you want to ask and go from there.
You can read questions from your iphone thats fine.

write down as many questions as possible.
Pretend its a survey questions or something ...

and have some erotic pics of men (non nude) to show people.

 

[Echoes]

Welcome to JUB!

If you are interested in somebody you should just do what you do whenever you meet any person, don't feel like the world may explode, it's human contact not war, you can make eye contact and see what happens, nobody will think that's rude, at the most someone who isn't gay will feel awkward and turn around. Now when talking to someone, look at him when you're talking, asking about interests and likes/dislikes I think is next after "how's it going," respect turns when talking, try not to talk about bad things the first time you meet someone, inviting/paying for a drink doesn't mean anything but interest, so do that if you feel like it, you don't need to say "I am interested in you" that will do the trick for you. Well, concerning signs for the ones who have made eye contact with you, a smile doesn't hurt anybody and once you do that wait for what's next, usually when somebody took the first step means he'll take the 2nd.
Now, of course all the awkwardness and fears will fade away as you get more experienced, you'll never succeed if you never try.

I hope it helps.

 

[Eagle653]

Welcome to JUB!

How you begin when you notice someone is maybe interested in you is pretty much the same as when it happened with the guy at the sporting event back in your country.

You seem to be in America, and as you might know, Americans value eye contact--it conveys interest, sincerity, and is a positive thing (unlike some other countries where it's considered rude). In fact, many gay men will try to catch your eye, and if they do, they will hold a stare. That's one of many ways some men express "interest."

Go to where gay people are, watch them, and interact with them. Many people are shy at first, so having a body language (eye contact, smile) that suggests warmth and openess helps people approach you and risk talking to you without fear of you rejecting them.

Hope this helps. Keep in touch and let us know how it's going.

Welcome again.

 

[vercub]

Thank you everyone , I appreciate the replays

just wondering which website do you use for looking for gay friends?

 

[Echoes]

I don't use any website in particular, I mean other than this one and FB.

 

[Stitch627]

Interesting thread about flirting 
I don’t know how to flirt either. I was at this club yesterday night. I was interested in some guys, and I could tell some guys were also interested in me. But I don’t do anything. After making eye contact, I kinda chicken out… I need to be more confident and relax.
Besides, in particular in a club at 4am, I think I am a bit scared that it might lead to a one-night-stand. Not that I would mind, on the contrary actually. I don’t know… it may sound stupid, but as I do not have much experience having sex with guys, I think I feel a bit scared/ashamed…

 

[somedude987]

It's okay to be shy. Straight people have trouble making eye contact too. If you are having trouble making eye contact maybe part of that is because you are ashamed of being gay or you're scared that looking at them will tell them you're gay and they'll beat you up.

Gay people aren't going to make fun of you or beat you up for being gay. So if you know they're gay, and they know you are gay, then maybe that is a more comfortable time to practice looking more at their eyes and face when you are talking to them instead of looking at your shoes or the ceiling.

Don't go all the way to flirting with your eyes if you aren't comfortable. Just when you are in a conversation remind yourself that it's ok to look at the person and that they won't hurt you for being gay, because they're gay too. After a while you will notice that lots of straight people are ok with it as well.

 

[erobert]

I think a great conversation starter is, "Are you having a good day?" That always seems to open people up and get them to start talking. Then just listen, listen, listen. Be interested in what they are saying and ask follow-up questions if they stop talking. And always be ready to smile and laugh whenever it is appropriate. Be in a good mood and ready to break out into laughter - if there is something funny to laugh about. Don't laugh or smile at inappropriate times. Only when it feels natural to. Always try to be in a good mood when in the flirting mode.

Practice smiling an authentic smile that includes your whole face and not just your mouth. Eye contact is very important, but you have to moderate it. Men can interpret excessive eye contact as hostility, so don't overdo it. Eye contact that is too long can be considered staring and makes people feel uncomfortable. But lack of eye contact is just as bad, and is usually interpreted as dishonesty or distance.

Remember to listen carefully, be interested in them, make direct eye contact periodically, smile and laugh when appropriate, create a fun atmosphere and a good feeling. What they take away from the encounter and remember is how they felt when they were with you, much more than any particular words that were sed.

Excellent post. Flirting is art an art form that you constantly need to work on.

I'm pretty shy so I practice making eye contact with people on the street as I walked by them, it would only be about 1 or 2 seconds but it establishes that social connection that is critical when you want to flirt with someone you're interested.

I've gotten pretty good at it but a lot of guys really need to work on holding eye contact for a second or two longer than normal to verify interest, softening their look, non-verbal cues (brushing their hair aside, touching their face...) and approaching you when they know you're interested in them also. Eye flirting is fine but it should lead to verbal engaging someone.

 

[Stitch627]

I've gotten pretty good at it but a lot of guys really need to work on holding eye contact for a second or two longer than normal to verify interest, softening their look, non-verbal cues (brushing their hair aside, touching their face...) and approaching you when they know you're interested in them also. Eye flirting is fine but it should lead to verbal engaging someone.

Any advice on how to take this next step after making eye contact?

 

[HunterM]

Any advice on how to take this next step after making eye contact?

Smile! Nod your head if there's a fair amount of distance between you two (like if he's at the opposite side of the bar). If he reciprocates by nodding his head back at you, then you have a connection. Per a previous poster's advice...move in closer and ask "Are you having a good day?" Then let the conversation take it from there.

Here is a good exercise to get you used to engaging strangers into your conversation. With enough practice, it will become second nature to you.

To build up confidence, you should practice asking strangers (men and women) "Are you having a good day?" When you're about to stand at a grocery line, pick a line that has a few people in front of you (not the shortest line). Then ask the person in front of you "Are you having a good day?"

Or when you're at Costco where there are multiple checkout lines for you to choose, choose a line that has a good looking cashier Then ask the cashier "Are you having a good day?"