Can't Get Past the First/ Second Dates with Guys

[erobert]

This is kind of embarrassing to admit but I think I need a bit of dating help.

Being fresh out of the closet last year, I've recently started dating (thanks to OKCupid btw) but for some reason I can't get past the first or second date with guys.

I don't hear back from them, no response or follow up with me after a date or they'll reply to a message post date and that's it....

I'm a very nice person, maybe a bit too passive and shy though. I know I'm "dating material" but I think part of the problem comes down to not talking enough during the date, showing them who I am and showing them that I really am interested either by giving them a good night kiss or hug or something that makes it clear... Which can be a bit tricky because interest can be a two way street.

One guy told me it felt like he was going out with a friend rather than a romantic date. I'm pretty new to this and need some advice.

 

[azndude89]

I hear you. Since you're new, you're going to be shy. Loosen up and show the person the real you. Also, compliments are always good. If he sees that he can be with you comfortably and he knows you're into him with small body contact or smiles. He'll probably think of you more than a friend. Hope this helps. If not, contact Jonathan from the set up squad.

 

[rickbell19]

This is kind of embarrassing to admit but I think I need a bit of dating help.

Being fresh out of the closet last year, I've recently started dating (thanks to OKCupid btw) but for some reason I can't get past the first or second date with guys.

I don't hear back from them, no response or follow up with me after a date or they'll reply to a message post date and that's it....

I'm a very nice person, maybe a bit too passive and shy though. I know I'm "dating material" but I think part of the problem comes down to not talking enough during the date, showing them who I am and showing them that I really am interested either by giving them a good night kiss or hug or something that makes it clear... Which can be a bit tricky because interest can be a two way street.

One guy told me it felt like he was going out with a friend rather than a romantic date. I'm pretty new to this and need some advice.

Well it's not because of looks! You are hot in that suit!

 

[erobert]

@azndude89 Thanks for the advice.

I do need to work on showing the real me and smiling more. Maybe they think I'm bored...? Need to do more talking also. Setup squad? I'll have to check it out.

Thanks rickbell, Bond, gay Bond.

 

[Seasoned]

There's a spark in the air when there is a romantic interest. This is not all you.

Have you had many job interviews? As someone who has had a lot I can tell if there is a mutual connection within minutes. Dating is really interviewing. Some will be useful for the experience and nothing more.

Screen people prior to accepting/making a date. Don't go by looks alone. Let a potential date know you tend to be initial quiet. Pick a venue new to both of you. It will be less likely that he'll run into a million people he already knows. Once I get to feeling intimidated I have a hard time recovering. Perhaps you're like that two.

Remember, dating is a two way interview. You are also making judgements about him. Go in with that attitude and you'll come across as more assertive, more of a well rounded, confident person.

Wishing you the best. Good luck.

 

[DarkHelios]

Maybe you didn't do anything wrong. Maybe you just weren't a match for any of these guys. Sometimes a guy you like just doesn't like you back in the same way.

 

[scooter63]

Well if the others are choosing not to follow up with a second date or even further communications with you then it is there loss. No one can really know how the car drives by just one test drive. You gotta get out and kick the tires and take it for a couple test spins in order to know if you really want to buy the car. If they are choosing to move on after just one test spin then they really weren't all that interested in a date then. Better to find that out at the beginning than after you invested several weeks or months with the guy.

By the way, I looked at your photo in your gallery and you are one handsome, smoking hot dude. There loss if they don't want to get to know you more, deeper, and better.

Just keeping looking and going out on the dates and you will get better at the car shopping thing and you will know when you see the right one for you. Good luck to you and keep your chin up and don't let this get you down. It takes all kinds to make the world go round and you will find the one that makes your world rock. Just think of it as their loss if they choose not to talk to you after one date and be thankful you found their true colors now.

 

[Nice Boy]

All advice above has been great... Now let me present my view on that. I take dating or communication on sites like OKCupid almost like a pure statistics...

Why? Because let's say there is a 10% of a mutual match... Therefore, statistically, 1 date from 10 should be successful :-D
Perhaps I'm mad but I take it like this. So really don't worry if you can't go past the first date. Just keep trying and from purely statistical point of view, you should start a relationship beyond the first date one day

Good luck!

 

[rareboy]

It is all in the numbers.

I also think that the one in ten rule is likely true.

My advice?

Enjoy the dates you go out on and don't get too fussed if it is only one or two with the same guy.

If possible though, try to keep them in your friends file....how wonderful to have a wide circle of acquaintances that you can connect with at some future point again.

It means that when you get to date number three or six with some guy, you'll know that it is special.