Can't help feeling lonely?

[Boredd]

It feels as though I'm going to spend the rest of my life alone. I know thats rather pessimistic but I've never had an actual relationship with anyone. Although I'm only 18 and I'm still pretty young but it gets pretty depressing seeing all my friends have relationships and I'm the only one that's single.

I'm out to my friends (guess I'm pretty lucky because they took the news well), not completely out to my family (working progress!). I don't know that many gay people either and I don't really want to go to a gay bar or club alone. Not too sure about online dating either. I just hope someone comes along eventually - it's just so depressing spending a friday or saturday night alone whilst everyone goes out with their significant other.

 

[glasvegas]

It feels as though I'm going to spend the rest of my life alone. I know thats rather pessimistic but I've never had an actual relationship with anyone. Although I'm only 18 and I'm still pretty young but it gets pretty depressing seeing all my friends have relationships and I'm the only one that's single.

I'm out to my friends (guess I'm pretty lucky because they took the news well), not completely out to my family (working progress!). I don't know that many gay people either and I don't really want to go to a gay bar or club alone. Not too sure about online dating either. I just hope someone comes along eventually - it's just so depressing spending a friday or saturday night alone whilst everyone goes out with their significant other.

Mate, it's all right, i feel the same. I am 21 by the way. Do you go to uni? Maybe ask your friends to go gay bar? I haven't been to a gay bar in Sydney but I went to ones in Canberra and Gold Coast, they're absolutely filled with straight people. I ended up dancing with girls rather than guys. Just keep on looking, the best one just around the corner! =)

Ps : Online dating is shit. You're more than welcome to chat with me on friday or saturday night.

 

[Telstra]

mmmm you are only 18 very young.
Work hard and study hard, be successful and play later.

 

[G-Lexington]

Dan Savage did a bit on this in his column a few weeks back. If I were more savvy, I could pull it up for you. But the gist of it was as follows:

Before coming out of the closet, and (for some) soon after, there seems to be this "I'm all alone in a world of straights and gays-I-don't-relate-to". And as such, they think they'll never date, they'll never get laid, they'll never have a relationship, and they'll die alone. Some people believe this enough that it becomes true. (You JUBbers know who you are.) But there are tons of gays out there, most of whom "aren't into the bar/club scene". Yeah, it might take some more direct effort for you to find them. They tend not to go door-to-door looking for lonely gay guys who "aren't that social". But they're there. Go meet them.

Lex

 

[yeahright1991]

Hello -

I want to say that even people who have had relationships with others can go through this as well. You are not alone. Even in those times between having a significant other it can begin to feel as if there is no hope. The most important thing is to keep your faith that you are a great person who will have another fulfilling partnership with someone. Some times people begin to feel this way and resign themselves to the notion that no one will ever come along or that a new person will not come along. It's most important to never close yourself off and remain open and approachable.

(I have something / a point I'm trying to make but I'm not finding the right words to describe it. I will come back to this post with better ways to say it. I will think on it. )

 

[Swellegant]

If I had a nickel for every time I've heard this exact same speech, I'd put them in a sock and start hitting people with it.

This is the most important thing I would tell myself if I could go back in time and tell my eighteen-year-old self something important: NEVER COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHERS. So what if other people have boyfriends? So what if other people have defined pecs? So what if other people have more money, a nicer car, a spacious apartment with a lake view? They aren't you. What matters is what you want -- what you really want, not what you think you're supposed to want -- and whether or not there's anything you can actually do to get it. What do you actually want to do with your life right this minute?

Here's the thing: you can't control the outcome; you can only control the actions that are aimed at that outcome. Say, for example, that one day you want to have a mate; you can't make that happen, but you can do what's in your power to make yourself attractive to a potential mate... and I don't mean biceps and a great haircut, I mean having your life together and something within yourself that is worth sharing with others. It won't guarantee that you'll get a mate, but it makes it more likely, and it can make you happy in the meantime.

Something that helped me get over this "I have to have a boyfriend or die alone" paradigm: actually look at your friends' relationships. Look at them squarely, look at whether or not they're settling so they won't have to be alone, look at whether their relationships are actually contributing to their overall happiness, look at what they have to sacrifice to be in a relationship and what they gain from it. Look at it critically. And then ask yourself if that's really what you need right now, or if it's just something that you're afraid of not getting.

You actually can help feeling lonely. Learn to love yourself and you'll never be alone.

 

[MMMonsterBoy]

Why do people feel privileged by thinking they should be in relationship at all times? If you are lonely alone, you'll be lonely with someone else and create a nasty co-dependent relationship. I would be upset if someone pursued me because all his friends were doing it. Just love yourself and put yourself out there, I'm sure you'll attract a guy at some point, but don't fret over not happening when you want it to happen.

Mi amor vole fe yah

 

[sixthson]

18 is a tricky age. A chapter in your life has ended (HS) and another is about to begin (college). You probably spent your hs years watching your straight friends dating and you feel left out. You feel like you should be at a different place than you are.
You will just have to take our word for it, but life is only just beginning for you. I would tell you this: try not to live your tomorrows today. You can only live today, so take it to become comfortable and honest with yourself.

Good luck, good things will happen.

 

[kombatwombat]

I often feel the same way. BFFs!

 

[ibill1]

Why does this dying alone thing keep popping up. You can meet the guy of your dreams, spend like, well, close to 35 yrs. together, he croaks and guess what? You still get to die alone. One of you most likely is going first, the other is left to die alone. It just appears that this dying alone thing is always associated with finding a relationship to prevent it. The real tragedy is once you meet him, not only do you have a 50-50 chance of still dying alone, but you will also have to go through the pain, anger, loneliness and utter despair of losing him.

I know this is a depressing post and I'm really an upbeat guy, but thems the facts.

 

[hungkee]

18 is really young to be feeling so defeated in the love or relationship dept..

I imagine that emotions run deep & strong on the topic but its a bit premature to be feeling so alone and out of hope.

Maybe you've placed far too much emphasis and importance on being in some sort of love relationship. I mean, there are other things to be occupying one's life especially at 18. Having or being in some relationship isn't the "answer" to anything - including feelings of loneliness. Lots of people who date and even the married folk can feel lonely or alone. Imagine feeling alone while IN a relationship.

And the antidote to being or feeling lonely isn't necessarily a love relationship.

You seem to have some theory as to the reason you don't have a b/f. Its because you feel that you can't. What the hang up would be is something known only to you. You're out to friends. You've sort of come out to family.

Have you truly completely come out to YOURSELF though? You may be impeding your own self and the actual steps and work it might take to meet that love you're seeking.

Think about it.

 

[G-Lexington]

How do we know that their beliefs are what shaped their outcome?

If they've been saying it since (at least) age 18, I'd say they probably weren't too motivated to do much to alter the outcome.

You actually can help feeling lonely. Learn to love yourself and you'll never be alone.

Words to live by. Seriously.

Lex

 

[cgymike]

If you are still alone in 40 years then you may have something but at 18????????? I'm betting though that within a few days or a short time that changes. Life at 18 is about change so it can't last being alone. But it will pop up again and again. No one is "together forever" either. Almost everyone goes out with a significant other" is a difficult statement since at most gay venues there are PLENTY of single people who do NOT have a significant other. But if it's really true in the circles you are in contact with find out their secret. I haven't been in any social setting where it's true.