Can't Identify Orientation

[_AJ_]

Have you ever masturbated to lesbian porn?

but you could be bi i guess

but why wouldn't you go out with a guy?

you really haven't said enough to judge really

from what you have said i would say you are bi

 

[perkifactor]

here's the deal...sexuality is not always a 100% gay or staright, or 50-50...there are varying degrees to which you may be straight/bi/gay. I would say follow your heart or your cock to wherever they lead you and don't worry about labels...Be you.

 

[paul-dan]

Why limit yourself to male or female (sure to catch hell from that..LOL)..just enjoy whatever happens to come along at the time!

 

[_AJ_]

I've seen some lesbian porn before, and I think it can be pretty... enthralling, but I've never masturbated to it before, and I don't think I would be aroused enough by it alone to get off.

There is no reason for not wanting to go out with a guy other than that I simply don't find the idea attractive. There wasn't some event that is stopping me, I just don't really feel like trying to date a guy would work with me.

I thought originally that I was bisexual, but I keep reading that bisexuality is an attraction to both sexes, and as I stated in my first post, my attractions are kind of split on the love/lust subject.

I could provide more information if someone thinks it would help, just not sure what else I should say!

so you would prefer to have sex with a guy

but have a relationship with a girl

Honestly i would say your more gay than bi

 

[Tizzy333]

Emotionally, I don't consider other males to be "suitable mates." I mean, I wouldn't consider dating a guy or having a relationship like that. I do feel strongly about girls, and would date them/have a relationship.

The part that gets confusing is the lust side of the picture. I would gladly have sex with either a guy or a girl, and I believe I almost lean towards the gay sex choice. Also, I would not generally be turned on by a passing guy, however with a female I would; though I do identify guys as cute/sexy/whatever.

Lastly, I have masturbated to both hetero/homosexual erotica, both do the trick equally.

I'd say you are bisexual =) You said it yourself, u can fall for girls and feel attracted towards them, so I wouldn't classify you as gay, mate =) And as for not considering other males to be "suitable mates" well... I've sorta been there, done that, my guess is you're looking only at one side of the picture, that is, at the stereotypical male - which turns me off greatly. There are many kinds of guys and I'm sure if u looked long enough you'd find somebody youd like, just as with girls =)

 

[lonnie1]

Enjoy what makes you happy and don't worry about the labels. If people find out you're having sex with a guy, they'll label you as gay, but you can still be attracted to girls and have some good times. I grew up closeted and enjoyed sex with girls as much as sex with boys for a while. I tended toward exclusively gay as I got older--50's.

 

[Spiff]

Simple, you're gay. You said you would "lean toward the gay sex". And I doubt you discovered JUB by cruising the 'net for pics of naked women. Just because you tell us you are willing to have sex with girls doesn't really mean anything. Heck, I would have sex with some girls, but I still don't call myself bi. It's all about what your heart truly wants the most.

 

[drhladnjak]

Your situation is not at all uncommon, especially for younger guys still trying to figure out their sexuality.

At least in Western culture, every man is socially programmed from a young age to believe that women are for emotionally intimate connections and men are not. Moreover, it's easy to build up an image of you, the perfect wife, 2.5 kids and a white picket fence because again that's what we're taught is ideal through our parents, the media, etc. when we're growing up. I'd say that most people can form a deep emotional bond with a person of either gender. It's the physical attraction which makes it a complete relationship though and which to a certain extent drives and complements the emotional connection.

The issue is one that every gay or bi man needs to get over if he wants to have a healthy sex life with other men. For some guys, this happens with some soul searching. For others, it happens when they unexpectedly fall for a guy for the first time. Others probably don't have this kind of baggage and learn from a young age that it's ok to love another man. Unfortunately, some others still never really get past this, which can lead to a life of being deeply closeted, trapped in an unhappy marriage, having anonymous sex as an escape, and so on.

For me, up until I was about 22 I was convinced that I had just not found the right woman. At that point, something changed. I accepted myself as not being straight (which is not to say I identified as gay) and accepted that there quite possibly was not a perfect woman out there for me. After a few more years of soul searching, I started coming out to other people as gay at age 25. I haven't looked back since.

I can't determine your sexuaity, but I have to say if you're not interested in and can't easily get off to porn with only women (i.e., "lesbian" porn) that's a big red flag that you're probably more interested in men.

 

[tallguy297]

Hey Enygma,

Welcome to JUB mate! Thanks for your post...and trust me there are plenty of guys here who will happily read them!

Mate drhladnjak really has made some fantastic points in his post.

One of the hardest things for us to do as guys who are either gay or bi is to understand that our lives wont necessarily look like we thought. Thats far from saying that we wont be happy with where our lives and loves take us, its just that they wont resemble the typical hollywood scripts. Our families will look different as will our partners and goals. It can be a hard thing to understand and to accept and like drhladnjak I too waited along time before I started to accept it. I can honestly saying that it makes it harder than trying to be honest with yourself at your age... you should feel proud for being so honest and open with this mate.

The other lesson that you have learnt early too Enygma is that love and lust are 2 very wildly separate beasts. Again we think that both are interconnected and ideally they are, but in most cases they are very seperate and real emotions.

For me I know that I love women. But I love them in a way that appreciates their beauty, softness and warmth. I love their smell and their ability to love and care. I didnt realise just how much I loved them and appreciated them until I said to myself that I was gay. I didnt realise I could love...and love.

See, I understand now that its easy to lust after a guy. Geez a stunner will stop me dead in my tracks as will a smile or a simple gesture of warmth. Lust is easy because it hardly ever goes anywhere. Love is harder. Love is work and commitment. But love is something that glues us together. Love is the thing that helps you value appreciate and understand long after the lust has faded.

Mate give yourself some time. Stop trying to work it out. You yourself said that this has only recently played on your mind as to needing an answer. Sure you've had feeling and emotions for years, but thats the point. You cant expect to know yourself fully when you have only just started to try to understand.

And quite frankly mate it doesnt matter whether you are gay or bi or leaning whichever way. take the time to learn and understand what you value, what you love and what you want. Dont be afraid to ask and explore. Youre ability to accept yourself and to know how you love is the key to a long happy fulfilled life. The life you deserve.

And like it makes no diference at all to us, those who love and care for you wont care which "box" you finally chose. You are accepted, cared for and welcome no matter who you are.

A day at a time Enygma. Enjoy the journey, dont rush it or take silly risks. Explore yourself and your feelings and fantasies. There is nothing wrong in searching for the answers to your questions. And remember mate, we're here to offer any support you want or need.

Good luck!

 

[tallguy297]

Yeah mate...the confusion comes from when we think we know how it should be. We think or are taught that love and lust are the same creature. They're not but its something that as adults you learn. Just like the learning process you're going through now mate.

We wernt born with the ability to walk and talk. We learnt them. Sure we were always capable of it or had the capacity to be able to achieve those things but we had to learn.

This is no different Enygma. We just have to learn what we like, what we love. It sort of throws us because we think we should know. But the reality is we dont. Our tastes change, our lives change. And usually so do our needs and our wants.

You're a smart guy mate, thats obvious. You'll be alright. Most important...you're not alone. Others have muddled through this stuff just as you are now. And most of us will do whatever we can to help...just dont be afraid to keep asking and exploring.