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Can't make friends until I come to terms with my sexuality

D

dmhead

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I've reached the point where I don't even feel like a real person because of it. Can't just socialize naturally when I don't know if the effort is even worth it. I still feel different, I am different. It's hard enough to act friendly when you feel like shit, but it's worse when you don't know who you are. When I meet new people I keep the small talk to a minimum. I've become pretty shut down and this kind of attitude has left me pretty lonely. It's not a way to live.

(((There's a lot of reasons why I still don't know/accept who I am. It's like I can't know for sure if I'm gay until I have sex with a girl...which I have no desire to. I haven't even been able to cum with a guy. I think that maybe my brain is used to the idea of being gay - been constantly watching gay porn since I was 12. I also used to be bullied and had a weaker father figure which I believe played a role. That all sounds crazy, but I don't want to bring more trouble to my family and I don't think I can live peacefully knowing that if there is a God and the bible is true, I'm going to hell. )))

Back to the original point of the thread... I've become pretty antisocial because I'm too caught up in my own bullshit. Lately I actually formed a friendship somehow with a straight guy from work, no crush or anything, just a lot of the same interests. He's going to quit this job soon. Now if I were a typical straight guy, I'd just go and party with him or something, add him on Facebook, etc. But he's already talked about gay people at work and I didn't say anything about me, which makes me pretty pathetic. If I tell him I'm gay, he'll probably mistake my interest in him as being romantic and it would turn him off. I'm probably not going to talk to him anymore. Not a big deal, but it's just a shame how I can't keep or make friends anymore at all. THAT is what I always try to avoid. Something has to change but I'm not sure what.
 
I'm trying to make friends too and one change I've made is focusing more on making friends with girls instead of guys. Making friends with girls honestly never even occurred to me. !oops!

And of course seeing a therapist would probably help if you're anything like me and how I was feeling (and still am to a fair extent). It's helping me (ever-so-slowly) and I would definitely recommend it if you can. When I first started it took me like 5 minutes sitting in silence to answer a single question so I know how hard it is.
 
As hard as it is to hear, I have to say that from my experiences, you can make acquaintances as much as you want, but close friends tend to come naturally, in there own way and in there own time. But hang in there and good luck....
 
You don't have to have sex with another person in order to accept your sexual orientation. Where do your fantasies take you?
 
Thanks. My fantasies... have all been about men. But there was a time when I didn't masturbate or watch porn for like 2 weeks and got hard from watching girl porn. So I don't know. But naturally I go towards men, I think that maybe I'm "used" to the idea of thinking about men since it's all I've been watching. Vagina is just not appealing to me at all...and even if I see a hot girl in real life, I can tell she's hot but I don't feel like I wanna be with her.

Girl friends would probably be easier to make if I could really come out as gay and be honest. But how do they know it's just going to be friendly if I don't know/accept that I'm even gay? Like I said, it's like I'm not a real person until I know who I am and what I want...I have no idea how people live their lives in the closet.
 
My suspicion is that MOST of us have had a time in our lives where we were finding out that our sexuality was NOT the way we were raised to BELIEVE that it SHOULD be...

And that is when you REALLY NEED a friend...

For me, I'm a very open person, and I talked about my angst WITH my friends -- yeah, they were GROSSED OUT at times after telling them about a WILD NIGHT OUT with a GUY -- but, they either dealt with it -- or they couldn't -- in which case I no longer hung out with them...

I know it is a TOUGH place to be in right now if you don't currently have close friendships -- but to START a friendship with a straight guy -- and NOT be honest up front about your own confusion, doesn't really lead you anywhere either...

The COOL THING IS that you've FOUND JUB!!! ..|

And WE are all REAL PEOPLE who you can discuss your most confusing thoughts -- I have personally met and made friends with MANY PEOPLE over the years RIGHT here from this website... :D

So Welcome to JUB!!! :wave:

:):):)
 
swerve said:
My suspicion is that MOST of us have had a time in our lives where we were finding out that our sexuality was NOT the way we were raised to BELIEVE that it SHOULD be...

And that is when you REALLY NEED a friend...

For me, I'm a very open person, and I talked about my angst WITH my friends -- yeah, they were GROSSED OUT at times after telling them about a WILD NIGHT OUT with a GUY -- but, they either dealt with it -- or they couldn't -- in which case I no longer hung out with them...

I know it is a TOUGH place to be in right now if you don't currently have close friendships -- but to START a friendship with a straight guy -- and NOT be honest up front about your own confusion, doesn't really lead you anywhere either...

The COOL THING IS that you've FOUND JUB!!! ..|

And WE are all REAL PEOPLE who you can discuss your most confusing thoughts -- I have personally met and made friends with MANY PEOPLE over the years RIGHT here from this website... :D

So Welcome to JUB!!! :wave:

:):):)
Click to expand...
Thanks :)

I haven't been friends with the guy I talked about in the OP for that long. Sure, I haven't come out or anything, but I didn't make up stories about girls either. So I'm not that bad...right? I can still come out, I just bet it will be awkward as hell and he'll feel weird about saying stuff about how time flies with me.

I just don't think people should know about my issues the second they meet me. If I come out to someone I know and they disappear then whatever. But if I meet someone and I'm honest up front about my confusion when I'm already in my 20's, it's a little humiliating...especially if the person turns out to be an asshole.
 
OMG.......dmhead, I could have written practically the same thing you did.

I'm in my mid-twenties too, and I've come out of the closet to some people. But I'm still trying to come to terms with my sexual orientation as a gay man. I am also quiet, and shy, and often anti-social -- perhaps because I have been ashamed about being gay for so long.

Send me a private message (PM) on this site and maybe we can chat sometime.
 
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