cant stop thinking about my "straight" friend.

[denvermax]

I'm 20 years old, still in the closet i have both gay and straight friends. I met this guy- lets call him Justin about a year ago. we grew really close as friends and recently i've developed deep feelings for him. when i first met him he did not strike me as being gay or bisexual but certain things have come up recently that have made me curious.

First off, he's 18 years old and he has never had a girlfriend. He told me the first time he lost his virginity was to a girl when he was really drunk. From time to time he'll say "this chick is hot" or "wow shes cute" about a passing girl on the street. He does things that makes me think he's straight but then again he also says and does a lot of things around me that make me wonder...

For instance, he watches oprah and always tells me he finds inspiration in books that are featured on her show. When talking about people that he is attracted to, he rarely refers to them as girls, for example he'll say "I'm attracted to lean people" or "I'm attracted to smart people". He can get really needy at times, if i dont answer a phone call from him he'll be reallly upset or sad. His taste in music is really gay. from time to time he'll speak to me in a really soft tone and whine about how i am not a good friend to him at times. He is obsessed with James McAvoy's. This one night when he was planning to sleep over at my house, the blonde guy from Chronicles of Narnia came into his work (he works at a coffee shop) and he totally freaked out over it, when he told me the story i acted like it did not phase me and he responded with "fine maybe i should go sleep over at the (actors name from chronicles of narnia) house instead if you dont care about what i say."

Is he coming on to me?

At times I think his behavior is stemming from his past (both parents died when he was younger). He jumps from different relatives house and is always getting kicked out. Recently, he got into a huge fight with his aunt and she kicked him out. He's been staying at my house and i've just grown so close to him. I think about him day and night and even though he is really needy towards me, i find it sort of endearing mostly because he's really attractive.

Should I start saying things and showing some sort of affection back? I want to hint at the fact that i am not straight but I can be a really stubborn person, especially since i'm not 100% sure he is in the closet.

What do you guys think?

 

[G-Lexington]

A common theme here in CO&R seems to be "I want my friend to tell me he's gay, but I don't want him to know that I'M gay." Someone's gonna have to pony up if they want something to happen - it may as well be you.

Dude, anyone who watches this much Oprah and likes the Narnia guy isn't going to have any problem with having a homosexual friend, even if he ends up being straight. And come on - surely you know by now that being gay in Denver is no big friggin' deal. So let him know already. I wouldn't also give him "...and I've got a thing for you" right away. Just tell him you're gay, and let him respond to that first.

Lex

 

[KaraBulut]

It's very hard to be sure of these things with the needy and narcissistic types. They're desperate for love and attention- even if it is coming from a gay guy.

As for whether he's gay? Well, he's 18 and he's had a lot of instability in his life. He may not even know himself or he may not be able to deal with the possibility.

It sounds like he needs friends like you, although he will probably be a big drain on your energy.

If you want to have the talk about whether he's gay, you need to trust him enough to be honest about you. Then there's that old saying:

Ask him.

Not us.

Him.

 

[rareboy]

Sigh.

Tell him you're gay and you feel that it is something he should know about you.

See what he does with the info.

Maybe he wants to fuck you.

Maybe he just wants a good friend.

Watch the needy, jealous bit though. Try to get him over that kind of behaviour right now while he's still young and more impressionable. Don't feed that monster in him.

 

[swarley]

You say that his taste in music is gay. Does he like Rihanna or Mariah Carey? because then it's a pretty much safe bet that he is, lol jk. If you seriously want to know, then your only option is to come out to him. Just think of it this way, if he has a problem with it, do you really want him to be your friend? Do you want someone who has a problem with something as small as being gay to be your friend? I know right now, you think that it would be the worst thing in the world but is he your only friend? It's a fact of life that friends come and go and only the greatest of friends will stick with you no matter what and those people are the ones you want as your friends not someone you have to worry about leaving you. Either that or you could just sneak onto his computer and see if he looks up gay porn but then i'm pretty sure he wouldn't want you as a friend whether you were gay or not, haha.

 

[GBirdie]

Same advice here, I'd suggest coming out to him 1st. Well, your friend sounds....... 18 years without a g/f, lol, thats just like me, but I'm not gonna categorize him, but I think its safe to say he should be able to accept you being gay.

If he doesn't, the only think I can say is 'maybe you made a wrong friend'

 

[denvermax]

thanks for all the replies. most of you agree that i should come out to him but im at a point in my life where im just too nervous to come out to anyone. I know it sounds pathetic but i just cant gather up the courage to do it at this point in time.

As for my friend, he's still living with me. Our relationship is really awkward. I feel like im in an emotional relationship with him. It's gotten to the point where our other friends give us weird looks by the way we interact with each other. They'll say we argue like a couple or that we secretly have sex (we dont). I think they all suspect something weird going on and they're absolutely right.

Sometimes when I'm sleeping on my bed, he'll jump on and share it with me for the remainder of the night (he usually sleeps on the floor right next to me, sometimes ill let him have the bed). When he shares the bed with me, he'll actually wrap his arms around mine and sometimes SPOON me. The next day, we'll just act like nothing ever happened.

Just last night I had about 3 other friends over. We all got pretty wasted, the other 3 smoked and were pretty baked, my friend and i were just drunk. Everyone slept in the same room and i was the last one asleep. My friend took my bed this time and while he was on it, i was laying on my stomach facing the other side of the bed. I was surfing the web and trying to sober up because i dont like falling asleep drunk. Out of no where he wakes up in his sleep and grabs my foot and places it near his crotch and starts moving his body while my foot is in one place and all i feel is his balls and dick caressing my feet. I turn to look over my shoulder and he just has this half awake smile on his face. I immediately took my foot away because i was afraid my other friends in the room would see, i dont think they did they were far too fucked up than us and were sleeping.

I'm pretty convinced he's gay. And whenever I try to joke around tell him to stop flirting with me he'll just tell me not to flatter myself and that he wouldnt go gay for me. Also the other night, he told me about how he only had sex twice in his life and they were at parties when he was drunk. He supposedly slept with girls before so this leads me to think he might not actually be gay. Or he could be making these stories up just to throw my off.


I'm so sexually frustrated with him. I never thought it would be this hard to keep myself off of someone.

What do you guys think? Should i put some moves on him the next time we share a bed?

 

[Jo-thin]

YEAH i THINK YOU SHOULD GO FOR IT!

But look, honestly I no longer believe in thinking sum1 is gay! I've been through so much! I had a friend that would hug me n kiss me in the back of the neck and I thought he was gay! I was so sure that he was gay i told him I was bi (1st n last person I came out to) and he is fine with it! Now... what sukked was that he was straight but we hang out n do the same things like we used to!

My point is that you can't tell if anyone is gay no matter what! Enless if they say so truthfully! Some guys are so secure of their sexuality to the point they do gay things that makes us wonder! which is wasting your time!
So just try to come out to 1st.... theres no other answer or way to find out he is! Think about

 

[Kyanimal]

This says I need 10 letters in order to delete, in order to post the following ... !

 

[Kyanimal]

Relax! Enjoy His company! And if he feels like cuddling, the next time you're in bed together, just snuggle up, make yourself "available" (You know what I mean.), and see where He might take it from there. (If anywhere.)

Don't back away! Let Him do what he might, or might not, like with You! Let the choice be His to make.

Don't make His decisions for Him! In other words, if You are comfortable with what He is doing with You, DO NOT back away from Him! Let Him know, with actions, not words, that whatever He might want to do is fine with You!

However, and this might be one of those "Fine" points, by no means seem "insistent". That is ... that He HAS to snuggle up to You in order to have a place to stay. In His desperation, He may respond to You, not in a way He wishes, but in a way that He thinks You might expect, in order to be able to merely have a place to live. No what I mean? THAT could be a difficult "read"! Who knows what's going on inside His head, given His circumstances? (I'm not all that sure He would be able to put it into words, Himself!)

By all means, continue to be His "Good Samaritan"! It's just the RIGHT thing to do! But ... as far as getting "sexual" with Him, let Him take the lead, but also be a bit "on guard". He may not be responding the way You would like simply on His own volition/wishes. (This is SO complicated!)

In a way, YOU have become His current Guardian! And, though You should be very careful about possibly "taking undue advantage" of His current Vulnerability, You should also not "steel" Yourself against the possibilities that His physical "playfulness" is not, also, His true desire!

Think about it, but not TOO much! Let Him reveal/be Himself, as You let YOU be Yourself, too!

Grant Yourselves the Freedom of letting what Happens just Happen!

I hope I've managed to offer some "Light"/Insight/a useful Perspective! (Right now, my own head is hurting from all the implications I've alluded to! )

I sincerely Hope that all will work out to the Best of Both Your interests!!

And, of course, no matter what ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

P.S.
I'm Gay, for sure! But, in my earlier days, I had more than my "fair share" of "Luck" with the Ladies, too! In other words, sexual experience with "Chicks" does NOT, necessarily, mean that someone Isn't Gay!

 

[G-Lexington]

You're gay.
You want to have sex with this guy.
He sleeps in your bed (when he doesn't have to).
He spoons with you.
He grabbed your foot, put in on his crotch, and started rubbing his dick on it.

He's making moves on you.
You're pushing him away.
And you're asking "I think he's gay."
Dude, he may or may not be gay, but he's interesting in fucking around with you.
You're interested in fucking around with him.
What exactly are you waiting for? An invitation? He gave you one. You ripped it up and handed it back to him.

Next time he cuddles up to you, just smile and say, "Are you gonna do what you did last time?" If he feigns ignorance, say "You know..." and put your foot on his crotch.

Lex

 

[Kyanimal]

Lex ...

You never cease to amaze me! The WISDOM the YOU expound is always So SUPERIOR to my own! (And, I've seen this in umpteen thousand of Your posts!)

I think I would like to sit down, and chat with You, for several Hours, just to try to figure out how You manage to "Hit the Nail on the Head", so directly, so accurately, so many times!!

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

P.S.
Listen to "The Gargoyle" Guys! He knows of what He speaks!!

 

[Just_Believe18]

You know what you need to do. There are plenty of ways to reciprocate what he's doing to you. He grabbed your foot and put it to his crotch. He made the move on you! The ball is in your court. Do the same. Imagine how confused HE feels. He probably doesn't want to push you too far because he's afraid you'll stop being his friend and kick him out when he has no home to go to. Show him that it's okay for him to feel the way he does for you.

Keep us posted.

 

[denvermax]

yesterday morning i got out of bed and went out for a smoke. when i returned, i saw that he had climbed onto my bed. i laid down next to him and we began to cuddle. after about 10 minutes he gets off and says "were getting too close, its beginning to get weird". im so confused.

 

[G-Lexington]

Ask him. Straight out. "You keep lying on my bed. I don't mind at all, but I need to know - do you want something to happen?"

Lex

 

[Twistedup]

lol i had an almost identical experience about a year back. i had a friend who was staying around on couches and one night we were partying at the house he was staying at and the owner-tenant got pissed off and told him he had to leave, so i invited him to come and stay at my house. he slept on a spare mattress in my room, and had the exact same habit of making his way up to my bed during the night and attempting to spoon. whenever it happened i would reach around and rub his chest and stomach and he really liked it. if my hand got too low, though he would pull it back up to his chest and call me a fag and laugh a bit and kinda pull me harder towards him.

once we started wrestling a bit and i bit him on the nipple and he just kinda froze like he wanted me to continue but i didn't. i woke up later that night to him sucking on my bicep, which was pretty weird, and which left a nasty hickey for like a month which was real hard to explain to my friends and girlfriend at the time.

friends used to give us weird looks too and comment on our weird relationship, and on a couple occasions people walked in on us in bed together and we'd just kinda shrug them off like it was a totally normal thing for two 23 year old guys to do.

also, he would often wake up in the morning and stand up up and be like, "dude, check this out" and show off his morning wood(always through his underwear, though)

this really confused the hell out of me because he had slept with just about every girl i knew, and i always made fun of him for being such a whore.

the foot in crotch thing strikes even more familiar as one night i awoke to him rubbing his cock on my shin through his pants.

he had a number of other weird habits, like saying later and going for a high five but grabbing my crotch instead...but he did that with a number of guys...or tucking his junk between his legs and trying to get me to inadvertently look at it. or getting drunk and trying to de-pants me.

one night he rolled off the bed onto the floor mattress and was was like...and this is a direct quote which will stick with me forever..."hey, ****, you should come down here and...no, no, i'm not a fag." then he just rolled over and passed out.

at the time i was really confused. i knew i was gay, and he did too i'm sure, and he was definitely into me, but he was such a ho with women...the kind of guy who slept with a different one like twice a week. on like a dozen occasions he slept with chicks while i was in the room and even though the girls would sometimes say something, he'd be like, "don't worry he's cool" or "no he stays". i never joined in though.

anyway shenanigans aside, i never really did anything with him other than heavy flirting. he told me he was bi, but most like just a highly sexual person--we'd throw x parties and such, which i'm sure didn't help. i also suspect that he knew that i was gay and even though he wasn't, was willing to do things with me out of a sort of gratitude for letting him stay at my house, and as insurance that i wouldn't kick him out or he would tell my friends and girl about me...or us.

well sorry for the long post, but use care and be clear of his intentions before you do anything. don't give him blackmail material if he has nothing really to lose but you do. i still kinda regret never giving him a blowjob, but when i go back home to visit, he is still a very good friend to me, which i wouldn't trade for a night of fond memories.

 

[denvermax]

twistedup, your story is very similiar to mine. my friend shows me his morning wood all the time in the morning too and we are always wrestling when no one is around.

Today my friend showed me his cock. we were sleeping on the same bed again and in the morning we were cuddling and hugging each other for 2 1/2 hours straight. im pretty sure he is attracted to men. When i was hugging him today, my thigh was against his boner and everytime i shoved his body closer to mine i felt it stiffen up. i finally joked around and asked what that was and he pulled his shorts down and there was his cock. While we were cuddling he would say things like "this is pretty gay" or "why are we still cuddling". I also discovered something really strange on his arm today. We've been friends for over a year now and I never noticed it until this morning, he has these scars that look like cutting scars. The scars are on his left arm and he is right handed leading me to believe these were self inflicted. There were about 4 or 5 groups of scars, each with the same length in lines (3/4")... sort of like this...

l l l l l l l l

l l l l l l l l

l l l l

did this guy cut himself in the past? I mean i know he went through a tough childhood but i never figured him to be a cutter. I asked him where he got the scars and he said he had bullys in 4th grade that did it to him. I dont believe this story at all, there is no way a couple of 9 or 10 year olds held him down and cut him like that. I'm afraid to bring the subject up again and even more afraid at the idea that he may still be cutting himself. And even though things are going in the right direction, I'm not sure I want to be involved with someone with so many issues.

 

[G-Lexington]

Chances are - yes, he's cutting. And yes, it's a dangerous pasttime. It'll be up to you if this one's gonna be a dealbreaker.

Lex

 

[seven_sins]

...And even though things are going in the right direction, I'm not sure I want to be involved with someone with so many issues.

I think you are going to be miserable if you dump him. Let him sleep in the bed with you and see what develops.

 

[KaraBulut]

You're in a very passive situation in his "friendship" where your friend instigates the behavior and you go along. Then you end up confused.

What's missing here is that the two of you are not being honest with each other or with yourselves.

Have the talk. At this point, you have nothing to lose. If you can't tell him what you feel, then this relationship doesn't have much of a future anyway.