Casual Sex with Bi Best Friend

[DanimalX]

I've gotten myself into a sticky situation.
To start off, I'm gay. I've been best friends with my college roommate for over 10 years. We're pretty close friends, however, we've been having casual sex for almost a year. He's bisexual, we started messing around with each other sexually last summer.

Only problem here is he has a girlfriend.

I feel immense guilt over this, but I don't know how to get things back to the way they used to be. I've tried to deny him sex, but he gets mad whenever I refuse to let him fuck me. I don't want to ruin our friendship, which is why I don't want tomake him choose. And I know it's bad if a friendship is based on sex, but it never used to be that way between us. We still hang out of course and do everything we used to, but now I just feel all he wants from me is sex.

I really don't want to lose my best friend, and I don't want to end up hurting his girlfriend. Any advice?

 

[KaraBulut]

This same scenario has come up before in this forum.

And it's not a good scenario. You've gone down a path in which you risk losing much more than you will gain.

End it.

If that means moving out, then move out.

If your friend gets mad, that's too bad. It may cause a rift in the friendship but if your friend is actually a real friend, he will eventually get past it. If he doesn't, then it becomes apparent that he's using you for mansex.

But you are as much a part of this as he is. You made a choice a year ago to do this. You've made choices that allowed it to continue. You may have continued it out of fear of the complications but eventually, you will have to face the consequences of your actions. And the sooner, the better.

 

[Just_Believe18]

^ This is all the advice you need. Keep us posted.

 

[kcboi]

Hurting the girlfriend is HIS problem not yours... he chose to engage in sex with you so... talk to him... communication is the key to solving EVERY problem...

 

[Audio Tech]

Hurting the girlfriend is HIS problem not yours... he chose to engage in sex with you so... talk to him... communication is the key to solving EVERY problem...

I'd second this. But my question is this: Is there some secret code that says that men CANNOT communicate and talk honestly to each other? If you really care about your friendship, why can't you tell him.... ASK him.... the same thing you posted here?
Then go from there.

 

[rareboy]

Tell him to bring a permission slip from his girlfriend to have sex with you.

Because otherwise, he's a cheater and you're complicit.

If you want more than just a fuck from him, tell him so.

 

[jjonn3]

One thing to keep in mind....

It is possible he is more into you than his girlfriend. She may be there because he is not ready to admit either publicly or to himself who he likes more - at least who he likes more sexually.

BUT it is not fair to his girlfriend -

It is true that is his problem - but you need to think about how that effects you.

 

[DarkHelios]

Having sex with someone because they'll get mad otherwise is a pretty shitty reason to be having sex.

 

[drewthesaltyboy]

Remind him that his gf has a butthole too.

 

[Ninja108]

You state that he gets mad if you refuse sex is a big warning flag that you are being used.
Also, not to be,but you already have hurt his girlfriend by fooling around with him. You've allowed him to have his cake and eat it too.
Nothing good can happen out of keeping it going. End it now and if that means you have to move out, then move out.

 

[texan_slant]

Been there, done that.

Started having sex with a married guy, and we had been friends;

After quite a few months, I started feeling guilty, and started to feel obligated, which is similar to what's happening to you. I tried to not "put out," but not without some underlying tension stemming from his expectation.

I got sick and tired of feeling that this is the only thing he wanted. At some point, we stopped talking to each other all of a sudden.

In hindsight though, I should have had the wherewithall to just tell him how I felt.