Hey guys. This is the last I'll post in this thread. The thread veered completely off of the topic at hand and appears to be turning into a debating thread, which could lead to a flame war, which wasn't my intention at all in starting it. I was looking for what I thought would be some simple advice and didn't foresee it starting up such debate and controversy.
I don't really take issue with what so many of you are saying, but just rather find is puzzling and disappointing that in seeking advice, I was not able to find very much on here. This has less to do with the topic at hand and is more a blanket criticism. To keep it vague, it's like someone posting here asking "I need help with Problem A. I realize that Problem B is a problem as well but at the moment, I do not need or want any advice on Problem B, so please just offer any help that you have with Problem A", stated over and over, only to be with dozens of "Pick Problem B", "B, B, B!", "what you need to do with Problem B is...", "Your problem with B is that..." and so forth repeatedly. It wasn't the advice I was asking for and I wrongly assumed that just by my virtue of stating what sort of advice I was looking for, that I would receive that sort of advice. Contrary to the belief of some of you who took this opportunity to pick me apart piece by piece, I am a grown man. I can handle criticism from others, and the criticism of my sexuality and how I have chosen to handle it is certainly nothing new. It was just perplexing and a letdown more than anything. I guess part of me just wonders "if you don't have advice to give about Problem A, which I was explicitly asking for, then why bother responding at all, especially after I said time and time again that this is the advice I'm looking for?" but perhaps that's my own internet naivete.
Do I feel like I was attacked in this thread? Honestly, yes I do. It's not a huge deal. This is just an internet message board so people trying to slam my personality and values from an anonymous keyboard halfway across the country means nothing to me. No stranger can make an indictment of my character. It's no skin off my back. I was looking for specific advice and searched through the thread for that advice, and the rest of it was just filler to me. I was just more surprised than anything and expected to receive some more useful input from people in my position. Perhaps I misread the demographics of this site, but I was hoping for more information from closeted guys like myself, closeted for whatever reason, who could see from firsthand experience the dilemma I was in and who shared my perspective. As offensive as this may be, and potentially another topic in itself, I don't feel there is much sensitivity given on these boards by out members towards closeted members. There seems to be very little patience and understanding and a "well what the hell are you waiting for?!" style of advice given to those closeted guys; less a nudge to come out of the closet and more of a push. There's the theory that there's no one quite as annoying as an "ex" whether that be an ex-smoker or an ex-overweight person, where they oftentimes become annoyingly self-righteous to those who share in the problem they once had and take it upon themselves to apply whatever their own situation was prior to being "saved" as if it were the case for all others. I feel to a certain extent that many (not all) out gay men are the same way, espousing a "come out, come out now!" at all costs mentality without taking into consideration individual factors. I myself am not trying to criticize those who criticized me. Everyone can post whatever they want, whenever they want, and people are passionate in their views even if they conflict with my own. That's fine. It's more than anything just frustration that in some respects, nearly the whole thread was "off-topic" in relation to what I was looking for. People disagreed with the unethical nature of my request. I expected some of that and got the point after the third or fourth post telling me so, and just didn't see the need when I clarified what I was looking for, for that to be beat into the ground.
After this thread started veering off-topic, I asked a moderator whether this was the proper forum or if I should have started this thread elsewhere, namely the Bisexual/Straight forum where I was likely to find more guys who could relate to this situation, and was told that the Coming Out forum was in fact the proper forum for this issue. To be honest, it's a little disheartening to think that potentially confused youngsters or men coming to this board, impressionable and scared and just looking for some support, could instead be attacked, their personality analyzed, and their values and sexuality lampooned. I haven't browsed much on this forum, so perhaps that's my mistake in assuming that all folks will be treated in a similar vein, and perhaps the topic at hand combined with my age unleashed the no holds barred attack. As I said, I can handle it as internet "attacks" or just strongly-worded criticism (depending on your view, and your skin's thickness) means little to me, but I hope for the sake of others who can't, that it is not the norm around here.
From a personal standpoint, I'm glad I started this topic just in terms of getting something that I couldn't talk about to anyone off my chest. I also received helpful advice and support from a number of posters through PMs who did not want to respond in the main thread due to it's tone and fear of being attacked or criticized themselves, and as I expressed to all of them individually, I am very grateful for their advice. Those posters have helped me come to a conclusion on what to do, gave advice and provided applicable criticism to the issue I was looking to discuss. They have helped me resolve this issue but my resolution isn't one I care to discuss on here because I don't really see the point. As I said, this will be my last post in this thread. This issue has been somewhat resolved so there's no need to continue it. I'll go back now to posting about more trivial things.
Once you stated your opinion once or even twice, the continuing judging and bickering is really unnecesary as it just creates a hostile tone with the jubber that came looking for "help". 
](/images/smilies/bang.gif "Brick wall ](*,)")
