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Challenging a friend

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benlemieux2003

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Last year I was visiting my best buddy and I met his (straight) pal we'll call Luke. Me and him clicked pretty much instantly and became good friends. So on our first meeting I was talking to my best friend about a guy I was interested in so he learned about me being gay that way.

I visited my best bud every month or so during school time and most of the time he'd be there as well. He had been really interested in learning about the "gay world", meaning my perspectives and attitudes. He openly admitted his lack of knowledge on the matter since he's from a rural and very conservative background, but never had anything against gay people.

We've had long and interesting talks about it, his input got me seeing myself in a different light and it taught him some very new and fresh perspectives on the world. At the same time I told him I found him to be quite an attractive guy, and it was merely for informational purposes and he was flattered. I have no emotional attachment to him whatsoever though.

A few months later he told me he had ONE dream he was sleeping with a guy and that really got him worried about his own sexuality. I explained to him that even though I'm gay myself I've had at rare occurrences dreamed I was sleeping with a chick, and that didn't make me straight. That reassured him.

About a month ago I was visiting my best buddy for his birthday again and Luke was there again. For a the past little while I had been teasing him like we were in a relationship and he was playing along, it was just funny and to me, a sign of comfort. We went out, got pretty hammered and I hit on him a few times in a jokingly manner (just saying he was pretty and all, I was conscious of it, just feeling less inhibition) he seemed to find it funny. That was that.

The week after, my best bud and I talked and he told me Luke had told him I made him uncomfortable that night. So without further ado I sent him and e-mail and apologized saying no harm was intended. He replied through my friend saying it was all good.

I gave Luke a shout about 3 weeks ago and I get no answer back. I asked my best bud to investigate and it turns out he's still bitter and uncomfortable about the party night. I asked my buddy to tell Luke to call me tomorrow because I want to settle this.

Any recommendations?
 
Well, you may not think you were being serious when you hit on him, but he does.

(And are you absoluely certain, given the alcohol, that you weren't?)

If you continue to try to get in touch with him about this, he may become more convinced that you're interested in him.

All you can do is be sure your buddy knows that you weren't serious, regret it and won't behave that way again. He can reassure Luke, if the topic comes up.

After some time passes, maybe Luke will be with the two of you and you can show him that you aren't going to repeat what you did.
 
Tell him that you were not serious that it was a joke becuase he took the gay jokes as funny before in the past and you will stop it if it makes him uncomfortable
 
Yeah Josher I'm absolutely certain I have NOTHING for him. He's a just nice guy and I become affectionate with everyone when I get drunk.
 
In a perfect world, he would have told you he was uncomfortable (verbally or through body-language) as it was happening--not telling your friend after-the-fact. Oh well. It looks like he had a chance to blow it a bit out of proportion in his mind and decided to make a deal out of it.

You've done the honorable thing and apologized. He seems to have accepted that to you, but lo and behold, he still harbors a grudge of sorts.

I wouldn't hold my breath waiting for him to call. Something tells me he takes some mental-comfort in being offended and, to straighten it out once and for all would eliminate his manufactured comfort-zone (if this makes any sense).

Let it be. You've done the right thing. He'll either get over it in time, or he won't. If he doesn't, there's nothing you can do and I dare say it says more about him than it does about you.

Straight guys can be so tricky sometimes. I swear.
 
Well, about as tricky as gay guys 8').

Ignore him. See your friend whenever you want to do so, and forget it happened. If he's there, act like nothing happened.

If he can't -- then his problem goes beyond just you, so don't take it personally.
 
So there were heteros and homos at the party? He probably got made fun of because of you and now doesn't want to be seen with you =P
 
Yeah joking with straights can be alittle difficult, is feeling guilty or uncomfortable possibly a deffense for enjoying it ?
 
I wouldn't ask him to call, or call him, any of that. Since you have been honorable and said sorry, just say and do nothing and next time you see him act like nothing ever happened. But I'd lay off joking with him about sexual matters.
 
Thanks for the input guys I really appreciate it. I'll let you know if anything happens tonight.
 
Well update.

My friend talked to Luke today. Luke went apeshit on him about pretty much everything and anything.

It seems Luke has some serious issues somewhere.
 
Looks like your problem is solved.

He sounds like a person to avoid.
 
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