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Cheated on BF

S

sosotun9091

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Hey guys, I have been in a relationship for more than 2 years but recently my bf and me started losing chemistry between us. He's very busy with his job and seldom feels interested in sex. And whenever we have it, he skips the foreplay part and directly wants to go for fucking. I have kinda higher sex drive and couldn't deal with this sexual starvation any more. I have also tried to discuss possibilities about open relationship and occasionally including a third guy for threesome but he's very stubborn about not doing any of those stuff. So ultimately I cheated on him and had an awesome sexual encounter with a guy who even satisfied many of my dirty fetishes which generally gross my BF out. Surprisingly, I had so much fun that I don't feel that guilty at all. I can't break up with my BF due to this issue because I'm already very connected to his family and we have gone very far in the relationship.
So, should I keep cheating on him since he's probably never gonna understand my needs?
 
Keep cheating, he'll find out, the relationship will end. I mean, that is just what WILL happen. Nobody thinks it will; it ALWAYS does.

Meanwhile the fact that you're going outside your relationship for sex will affect how you look at your boyfriend. You'll be able to put up with stresses on your relationship, including the sex stuff, less and less - so you may actually end it with him before he catches you out there.

Anyway you really can't have your cake and eat it too - at least, not for very long. My advice, just end it now. Save everybody some heartache. I know you won't, so it'll burn out one of the two ways I just mentioned, but that's my advice.

BTW I speak from experience, and I even relate to your thing about the "dirty fetishes." What you have here is sexual incompatibility. And if you're not compatible that way, it'll simply never work. Even if you ARE, I think people wind up bored with each other sooner or later anyway and it fizzles out. But if you have needs and he's not on the page, you'll never be able to stop thinking about it. It'll drive you nuts, you'll cheat, and then it'll end as I've described.

And the fact that you said you didn't even feel guilty - probably a sign that it's already over for you.
 
PocketAdonis said:
Keep cheating, he'll find out, the relationship will end. I mean, that is just what WILL happen. Nobody thinks it will; it ALWAYS does.

Meanwhile the fact that you're going outside your relationship for sex will affect how you look at your boyfriend. You'll be able to put up with stresses on your relationship, including the sex stuff, less and less - so you may actually end it with him before he catches you out there.

Anyway you really can't have your cake and eat it too - at least, not for very long. My advice, just end it now. Save everybody some heartache. I know you won't, so it'll burn out one of the two ways I just mentioned, but that's my advice.

BTW I speak from experience, and I even relate to your thing about the "dirty fetishes." What you have here is sexual incompatibility. And if you're not compatible that way, it'll simply never work. Even if you ARE, I think people wind up bored with each other sooner or later anyway and it fizzles out. But if you have needs and he's not on the page, you'll never be able to stop thinking about it. It'll drive you nuts, you'll cheat, and then it'll end as I've described.

And the fact that you said you didn't even feel guilty - probably a sign that it's already over for you.
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Thanks for your advice man. I appreciate it. I will think about it.
 
I'm sorry to say I also agree with Pocket Adonis. If you're cheating already the relationship will only end badly. It's better an amicable break up than a bitter one. Have a good talk with him see if you can come to some agreement. Without mentioning the minor discretion of course. He doesn't seem the type to agree to a compromise in the relationship either though. I honestly feel for you both but you probably need to move on.
 
If you read through your opening post, there's several red flags- that two people have such different sexual desires, that communication/compromise has failed so miserably, that cheating has occurred but also that there is no remorse about cheating...

This does not sound like the elements for a lasting relationship. There's no mention of love, a planned future, common values, common interests in your post. Unless there's some reasons that you did not disclose as to why the two of you should be together (that do not involve third parties like his family), there's not a reason that the two of you should continue in the relationship.
 
Kara makes some great hard truth points! Really consider moving on on your own.
 
What happens when the chemistry fizzles out between you and the new guy after you leave your bf?
 
KaraBulut said:
If you read through your opening post, there's several red flags- that two people have such different sexual desires, that communication/compromise has failed so miserably, that cheating has occurred but also that there is no remorse about cheating...

This does not sound like the elements for a lasting relationship. There's no mention of love, a planned future, common values, common interests in your post. Unless there's some reasons that you did not disclose as to why the two of you should be together (that do not involve third parties like his family), there's not a reason that the two of you should continue in the relationship.
Click to expand...

Hi, thanks for your advice. But I wanna mention some points which I forgot to include in my first post. We do have love and a lot of common interests in our relationship. We also have some future plans together. Our sex life was great as well in the 1st year of our relationship. Now the problem is he's overworking and never feels like having sex. Neither does he agree with my open mindedness about fetishes and promiscuity. Infact I didn't feel like having sex with another guy until our sex life started getting worse. So I have absolutely no plan to make a relationship with another guy at this point. All I want is to fulfill my basic physical needs through NSA hook ups.
 
Either get into couples counseling or end the relationship. Sneaking around isn't healthy and getting addicted to excitement and/or danger will do nothing for your mental health.
 
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