Ok, here's my story. Sorry in advance for its length. So to speak.
Our sex life has alays been comfortable with the odd foray into the wild side,and as much as we have communicated, we have both been happy with this. In recent months, however, to put it bluntly, there's been none. Nada. Not a sausage.
I'm 31, my other half of 10 years is 42. About a year ago, he moved to the Coast, an escape from city life, and when term finished (I work in a school), I would join him. This I did, in July of this year. We are here to foster kids,
teenagers who will soon be ready to leave the care system they've been in all their lives. I also work during the week, again in a school, so I have very little time to myself. Which is fine, I knew about all that when I moved.
However, since I've been here we've had sex once. I got suspicious when I found jonnies and lube in the bathroom, really carelessly hidden.
I later found strange items of clothing in the bedroom, and have checked his internet history (terrible, I know, but I just couuldn't help myself - the not knowing was awful.) Basically, he seems to be shagging everything with
an internet connection in the south west of England. More lube discoveries have followed, along with enough condoms to keep a whorehouse going for a week - found while putting his socks away.Who'd have thought household tasks could be so revealing?
'Cos I work during the day, and the kids are at college, the house is empty, and he is doing it here, in our bed. I am crushed by it, but feel unable to do anything about it.
The problem I have is complex. We are currently undergoing an assesment for fostering smaller kids (the vetting process is far more complex), and part of that involves in depth discussion about your relationship. This fostering assessment is so important for our future, and we are both commited to doing it, but how can I sit there and say everything is fine, when clearly it isn't.
Secondly, the kids we have at the moment are incredibly damaged individuals - they demand lots of time, and consequently, we get very little time to ourselves, especially together. I know we need to talk about it, and I need to let him know I'm on to him, but its potentially very damaging to the kids to see anything but wonderment and harmony between their two carers. So, if I say nothing, I go nuts. If I speak out and we have the blazing row we are going to have, the kids in our care get messed up.
He's been through a lot over the past year or so, including family deaths and health issues. Is this a mid-life 'woo, look at me, I've still got it in me', kind of thing?
He just won't talk about our sex life - if I send him a text saying I'm horny, he just sends back 'Lol x x', and treats it as a joke. But it's not a bloody joke - I am gagging for it. I've been faithful, but frankly, I'm bored of playing with myself. And we are preaching honesty and trust to these fukced up kids - how hypocritical is he (and sneaky-old-read-your-emails me, come to that)? And I'm bloody angry too. But, unfortunately, I love him to bits.
He genuinely loves me as a person, that much I am absolutely secure with. We still kiss and cuddle - and you know when you can tell that someone means it, well he defo does., but I guess that sexually, it just ain't happening for him. I am a good looking, hard working guy, and despite what something like this does to the self-esteem, he's fukcing lucky to have me. Why does he need to do this? I thought that an 'Open relationship' was by its very nature 'open'?!?! What the jiggery-twat am I to do?
Our sex life has alays been comfortable with the odd foray into the wild side,and as much as we have communicated, we have both been happy with this. In recent months, however, to put it bluntly, there's been none. Nada. Not a sausage.
I'm 31, my other half of 10 years is 42. About a year ago, he moved to the Coast, an escape from city life, and when term finished (I work in a school), I would join him. This I did, in July of this year. We are here to foster kids,
teenagers who will soon be ready to leave the care system they've been in all their lives. I also work during the week, again in a school, so I have very little time to myself. Which is fine, I knew about all that when I moved.
However, since I've been here we've had sex once. I got suspicious when I found jonnies and lube in the bathroom, really carelessly hidden.
I later found strange items of clothing in the bedroom, and have checked his internet history (terrible, I know, but I just couuldn't help myself - the not knowing was awful.) Basically, he seems to be shagging everything with
an internet connection in the south west of England. More lube discoveries have followed, along with enough condoms to keep a whorehouse going for a week - found while putting his socks away.Who'd have thought household tasks could be so revealing?
'Cos I work during the day, and the kids are at college, the house is empty, and he is doing it here, in our bed. I am crushed by it, but feel unable to do anything about it.
The problem I have is complex. We are currently undergoing an assesment for fostering smaller kids (the vetting process is far more complex), and part of that involves in depth discussion about your relationship. This fostering assessment is so important for our future, and we are both commited to doing it, but how can I sit there and say everything is fine, when clearly it isn't.
Secondly, the kids we have at the moment are incredibly damaged individuals - they demand lots of time, and consequently, we get very little time to ourselves, especially together. I know we need to talk about it, and I need to let him know I'm on to him, but its potentially very damaging to the kids to see anything but wonderment and harmony between their two carers. So, if I say nothing, I go nuts. If I speak out and we have the blazing row we are going to have, the kids in our care get messed up.
He's been through a lot over the past year or so, including family deaths and health issues. Is this a mid-life 'woo, look at me, I've still got it in me', kind of thing?
He just won't talk about our sex life - if I send him a text saying I'm horny, he just sends back 'Lol x x', and treats it as a joke. But it's not a bloody joke - I am gagging for it. I've been faithful, but frankly, I'm bored of playing with myself. And we are preaching honesty and trust to these fukced up kids - how hypocritical is he (and sneaky-old-read-your-emails me, come to that)? And I'm bloody angry too. But, unfortunately, I love him to bits.
He genuinely loves me as a person, that much I am absolutely secure with. We still kiss and cuddle - and you know when you can tell that someone means it, well he defo does., but I guess that sexually, it just ain't happening for him. I am a good looking, hard working guy, and despite what something like this does to the self-esteem, he's fukcing lucky to have me. Why does he need to do this? I thought that an 'Open relationship' was by its very nature 'open'?!?! What the jiggery-twat am I to do?
](/images/smilies/bang.gif "Brick wall ](*,)")
