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Cheating

fruitseb

fruitseb

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So the sex has dried up with my older than me partner. I'm in love. He doesn't want an open relationship. Fair enough.

What's people's thoughts of cheating? I'm not looking for justification just if anyone else has done/does this. Or any other ways to resolve this.

P.S. Partner is 100% not cheating on me.
 
Leave and be friends. If he doesn't want an open relationship, and won't give you sex, you are at an impasse and the relationship will be over anyway when he finds out you're cheating and gets crushed by it. Though I have to say that if you've told him you need sex, then he won't do it, that isn't healthy, and you are going to cheat eventually so just end it now before more damage is done.

It's never OK to stab someone in the back, and anyway, why are you trying to stay if he won't compromise and you can't accept the terms he's offering?

How old is old? Old enough to have health issues?
 
TX-Beau said:
Leave and be friends. If he doesn't want an open relationship, and won't give you sex, you are at an impasse and the relationship will be over anyway when he finds out you're cheating and gets crushed by it. Though I have to say that if you've told him you need sex, then he won't do it, that isn't healthy, and you are going to cheat eventually so just end it now before more damage is done.

It's never OK to stab someone in the back, and anyway, why are you trying to stay if he won't compromise and you can't accept the terms he's offering?

How old is old? Old enough to have health issues?
Click to expand...

Not old enough for health issues. Only a ten year difference. He feels too fat as well to have sex as well and even though he's a very sexy man to me it's effecting him.

The problem is there noone I'd like to grow old with more than him. 5 years into relationship. I know i could move on and find someone else. But he's the guy i want to cuddle up to each night. The one i want to do everything couples do.

Happy to have your advice though. I have noone in my life to be able to talk this with. So thanks.
 
It sounds like it isn't a "no more sex forever" thing.

Maybe see if he is interested in getting a fitbit -- a proven, and relatively easy way to get in shape.

Once his personal perception of himself changes -- you'll be posting to find out how to have LESS sex! :lol:

Plus -- as a bonus, it'll be healthy for him! ..|

:):):)
 
He is very lucky to have you because you have him in your heart.

I agree with ^ swerve. Increased weight sometimes takes the libido out of someone. If he is agreeable to the idea, you can both try going out walking more (which is kinda romantic), and consider other physical lifestyle changes. Springtime and the lengthening hours of activity should enable you to be more active than in winter where we normally put a bit of weight on...
 
fruitseb said:
Not old enough for health issues. Only a ten year difference. He feels too fat as well to have sex as well and even though he's a very sexy man to me it's effecting him.

The problem is there noone I'd like to grow old with more than him. 5 years into relationship. I know i could move on and find someone else. But he's the guy i want to cuddle up to each night. The one i want to do everything couples do.


Happy to have your advice though. I have noone in my life to be able to talk this with. So thanks.
Click to expand...

Have you considered couples therapy? Given that you love this man and he loves you, it seems a reasonable request to ask of him.
 
^I agree. Couples therapy seems to be the next step for the two of you.
 
Setting aside your feelings for him, is his perception that he's fat a self-image issue or, quite frankly, is he fat?

Self-image issues are best dealt with in therapy. If he knows that his relationship could be on the line, perhaps that might be the motivator that makes him work on his own issues.

If he's actually out of shape and fat, then he needs to start with his primary care doctor. It's important to eliminate diabetes, testosterone deficiency and thyroid deficiency as a cause- for the weight gain and the loss of libido.

Bottom line- there's only so much you can do. It's really up to him to make the changes. The question for him (and for you), "Is he willing to make the changes with you there or will he make them as a newly-single guy?".
 
He is a large fella and for his own health should probably loose weight. He can do it. I'm just feeling at my best age to be having an active sex life and in mean time waiting for him. Is a bit of a downer.
 
fruitseb said:
He is a large fella and for his own health should probably loose weight. He can do it. I'm just feeling at my best age to be having an active sex life and in mean time waiting for him. Is a bit of a downer.
Click to expand...
It's a cycle. The weight gain leads to a loss of self-esteem and self-confidence. The loss of self-esteem leads to depression, lack of energy and overeating. The lack of energy and the overeating lead to more weight gain and the cycle starts over.

If he can break the cycle, then he stands a better chance of losing the weight and getting back to a normal sex life.

He should start by seeing his doctor for a physical to eliminate possible causes like hormone imbalance.

The next step is to get him into a pattern of more activity- maybe going to walks together and working out together. But again, you have a decision to make about whether you're in this for the long term to try to change his behavior. If he's not willing to change- his appearance or his lack of attentiveness to your sexual needs- then you have to decide whether it's time to give him an ultimatum and move on to take care of yourself.
 
TX-Beau said:
Leave and be friends. If he doesn't want an open relationship, and won't give you sex, you are at an impasse and the relationship will be over anyway when he finds out you're cheating and gets crushed by it. Though I have to say that if you've told him you need sex, then he won't do it, that isn't healthy, and you are going to cheat eventually so just end it now before more damage is done.

It's never OK to stab someone in the back, and anyway, why are you trying to stay if he won't compromise and you can't accept the terms he's offering?

How old is old? Old enough to have health issues?
Click to expand...

I agree and I would have said the same thing.
 
I did the smart thing and spoke to him properly. No arguments happened yay.

He's given a few rules and I'm allowed to sleep with others. And he's planned out a diet and exercise regime! Win win!
 
Go ahead, cheat on him and have fun. Things can be really complicated in a relationship which people will never understand. And it's not easy to abondon a long time lover just for better sex. Manage both sides well. Sometimes you need to think about your needs too.
 
I don't think cheating is the right term. You are honest and upfront with him and yourself..that isn't cheating anyone...yourself or him.

You sound healthy to me....
 
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