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Checking Your BF's Text Messages

Supervert

Supervert

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I know that it's an invasion of privacy, but has anybody been guilty of this?

If the person were to discover something shocking or hurtful, would they deserve it for looking through somebody's phone to begin with?

At this extreme, would it be better for one to end a relationship if they obviously didn't trust their partner and felt the need to do this?
 
I didn't personally, but my cousin did. It was pretty bad, he was already suspecting his boyfriend of cheating, so he went through his facebook while I was there. Needless to say what he found ended up having him in tears, and ended up with them being in a very weird state, because of course the phone conversation that followed was akward. They are still together today so it wasn't really a deal breaker for them. But as I told my cousin, you get what you go looking for. I definitely don't think it'd be a reason to end a relationship, because what if you look and don't find anything? Unless you've got other problems and this is jsut the one coming to the surface while you're looking for a reason to break up with him.
 
theReckless said:
I wouldn't want to be with someone if they were reading my messages behind my back.

If he wants to see them he only has to ask.
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A good relationship is a matter of trust and communications. You have to be able to do both with a true friend and with a true love. If the relationship does not have trust or communications, it is not a relationship, but a convenience. If you can not talk with the person that you love and loves you - who the hell can you talk with? And if a little problem can not be worked out, then there was little value given the love and the friendship.

do take care -
do celebrate your life,
Rand
 
if he gives me the opportunity, like leaving/giving his phone to me or letting me know his passwords, then I would probably check at some point. but i'd loose interest since i know he trusts me with that and i trust him since he gave it to me, meaning he hasn't anything to hide.

if he keeps his stuff secret and under lock and key, then a guy has reason to be suspicious but not reason to betray his trust. but hell, i'd probably check anyway. if it's nothing there then i'd deserve to get punished (firm ass spanking). if he gets busted, then naturally i'm breaking dishes.

really i think it's a thin line that depends solely on the relationship you two share. some people would hate it, some wouldn't mind.
 
If you are looking for dirt, you will find dirt.

Don't invade one's privacy. They are HIS text messages, not yours.
 
I would hope I could trust my boyfriend enough where I wouldn't feel compelled to read his texts but even if I did I wouldn't.
 
Mmmm, I don't think it's right, but there shouldn't be any reason why you can't do it, so you might as well just ask.
 
As your mother probably told you, "Two wrongs don't make a right".

Your mother was right.
 
I know someone who does this, and it pisses me off. I usually let the person use my phone to play the games on it, or to look through Grindr or A4A when we're out at the club. And a friend told me to watch them because he's caught them going through his text messages before.

So now I try not to give the guy my phone, but when I do I'm always next to him so I can see the screen out the corner of my eye. I have, though, caught him going through my photos before and that annoys me just as much.
 
my old boyfriend did that but then again I left it where he could since I knew he would anyway. Terribly jealous and weird. I never had anything to hide so it didn't matter. :)

Better idea, if you have to read the texts they get to make sure they do not cheat then maybe you should rethink your relationship.
 
I gotta admit, I did once.

I'm not even sure why, his phone was just there. It's not like I suspected anything was going on that he was hiding, I guess I was just too curious.

It's not something I would do again, since I both felt guilty about it and read something I really didn't want to know.
 
I did all kinds if crazy shit back in the day when I thought that stuff was normal. I admire anyone who checks stuff out. In the mist non-judgemental way I know how I want to say that it's not acceptable. Don't beat yourself up as long as you learned something. The problem with finding something by violating privacy is that your action becomes the issue if you confront the person as to what you found.
 
Puckzilla said:
I gotta admit, I did once.

I'm not even sure why, his phone was just there. It's not like I suspected anything was going on that he was hiding, I guess I was just too curious.

It's not something I would do again, since I both felt guilty about it and read something I really didn't want to know.
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Did it change the way you felt about him, or your relationship?

Mine is over. It's been 48 hours, and I feel almost nothing for him.

It would be stating the obvious to say that there were trust issues, but for good reason.

I'm glad I'm getting out now and not wasting any more time or future heartache...
 
If I'm sitting there with him and he gets a text, I'll look at the name sometimes, but that's about it. I just want to know who his friends are, so I'll ask if I see a new name. I wouldn't do it behind his back, though. That's just creepy.
 
BR320525 said:
Did it change the way you felt about him, or your relationship?

Mine is over. It's been 48 hours, and I feel almost nothing for him.

It would be stating the obvious to say that there were trust issues, but for good reason.

I'm glad I'm getting out now and not wasting any more time or future heartache...
Click to expand...


BR - hope you find another soon and get to know him well. do celebrate your life

Rand
 
If you suspect your boyfriend is cheating, snoop. It could save your life. You need to know.

I really don't care about etiquette or whatever. If you have reason to think he might be cheating, your relationship is already in trouble. So, find out. Either your fears are wrong, in which case you can let them go and you privately embarrass yourself with the knowledge that you blew your suspicions way out of proportion. Or your fears are correct, and the knowledge might just have saved your life. By comparison, his right to privacy means very little.

Incidentally, I don't mean you should snoop routinely or to "get something on him" or to control him. You snoop when you think you have a reason to snoop. It's your life at stake.

I should say I have never had a reason to. However I know a lot about what my guy is up to, because we have good open communication. Either we're together, or I know where he is. When I get in touch with him, he is where he says he is. If I bring him a rye and coke, the e-mails up on his computer screen are people we both know. Sometimes you don't have to snoop to get the picture. I think that's actually a good thing.
 
BR320525 said:
Did it change the way you felt about him, or your relationship?

Mine is over. It's been 48 hours, and I feel almost nothing for him.

It would be stating the obvious to say that there were trust issues, but for good reason.

I'm glad I'm getting out now and not wasting any more time or future heartache...
Click to expand...

In a way it changed how I felt about him, since the content was pretty bad, but really more than anything it changed how I felt about myself within the relationship.

Usually I would never do something like reading his texts, so it made me question why I felt so insecure about things and realize that even if the messages had been nothing, something wasn't right in the relationship.

Snooping just made me feel like an obsessive freak and really brought to light the fact that I didn't trust him, even when there were no signs, so I guess the relationship just wasnt right.

Won't ever do that again though.
 
It's just not the thing to do

I could see wanting to ......... If there were signs

But once u do it ...... What's next?

Prob easier to do it the 2nd time and the 3rd etc

And then where r u?
 
I do it all the time in relationships. If he's not hiding anything then it should never be a problem. Now, if he's just a friend, then, that is intrusive. I would not hang with somebody who is that nosy. Boyfriend however is another story.
 
I would NOT tolerate a SNOOP... that's as low as a insceure person could get... I would not have room for a person that would do this.

Life is to short and many more great things to do in life.

But I would not/could not go thru there phone, wallet, computor, mail.
 
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