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Checking Your BF's Text Messages

bankside said:
If you suspect your boyfriend is cheating, snoop. It could save your life. You need to know.

I really don't care about etiquette or whatever. If you have reason to think he might be cheating, your relationship is already in trouble. So, find out. Either your fears are wrong, in which case you can let them go and you privately embarrass yourself with the knowledge that you blew your suspicions way out of proportion. Or your fears are correct, and the knowledge might just have saved your life. By comparison, his right to privacy means very little.

Incidentally, I don't mean you should snoop routinely or to "get something on him" or to control him. You snoop when you think you have a reason to snoop. It's your life at stake.

I should say I have never had a reason to. However I know a lot about what my guy is up to, because we have good open communication. Either we're together, or I know where he is. When I get in touch with him, he is where he says he is. If I bring him a rye and coke, the e-mails up on his computer screen are people we both know. Sometimes you don't have to snoop to get the picture. I think that's actually a good thing.
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I agree 100%. If I had reason to, I wouldn't hesitate.
 
CowboyBear said:
IMO, it is wrong. If you dont trust him, ask him.
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Ducking one's head in the sand is naive. Nobody ever expects their partners to cheat and it's not like they're going to tell the S/O (?) but, then when it happens, they wonder how it ever happened. Transparency is key.
 
It's a tough topic; I haven't gone through any text messages, but I have gone through a computer.

I hated how I felt afterwards, and trust me, if you look for dirt, you WILL find it.

I think the bigger question is why does someone feel the need to search through their partner's conversations?

Says more about the relationship / person who's inquisitive.

But, I'm guilty as well..
 
I don't think it's acceptable at a;;, though if you're doing it, and the result is that you found out your boyfriend is cheating on you then, so be it.

Clearly there are trust issues from both parties in the first place, so now you're both better off. RIGHT?
 
breatheH20 said:
It's a tough topic; I haven't gone through any text messages, but I have gone through a computer.

I hated how I felt afterwards, and trust me, if you look for dirt, you WILL find it.

I think the bigger question is why does someone feel the need to search through their partner's conversations?

Says more about the relationship / person who's inquisitive.

But, I'm guilty as well..
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If you find dirt, doesn't that actually say more about the person whose dirt it is than the person who is inquisitive?
 
I'm kind of on the fence about this. I could see doing it if I didn't trust my boyfriend, but at the same time, if I don't trust my boyfriend to such a degree that I have to check his texts and whatever else, then clearly there's a trust issue in the relationship.

If I go searching and don't find anything, then I'm not sure how I'd feel, probably stupid, and it would make me question the relationship, but to a lesser degree than if I'd found something obviously. It'd probably be worth going to counseling or talking to friends in order to sort out why I felt the need to snoop when nothing was actually going on.
 
rjmrjm21 said:
Ducking one's head in the sand is naive. Nobody ever expects their partners to cheat and it's not like they're going to tell the S/O (?) but, then when it happens, they wonder how it ever happened. Transparency is key.
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No trusts a snoop tho. Being paranoid about someones trust isn't healthy.
 
seems like a lot of people are doing the "ends justifies the means" thing

if u don't trust ur bf - u shouldn't be together

and if u have a moment - and it's understandable - where ur trust is not where it should be

talk to him

once u go there - and snoop

u can't take it back
 
I don't mind my bf checking my messages or checking his. If not guilty what to hide. But its not a case for everyone. If he is not comfortable, then don't do it.
 
2untru said:
if he keeps his stuff secret and under lock and key, then a guy has reason to be suspicious but not reason to betray his trust. but hell, i'd probably check anyway. if it's nothing there then i'd deserve to get punished (firm ass spanking). if he gets busted, then naturally i'm breaking dishes.
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Everything that you just said is so right on so many different levels. Breaking dishes!
 
bankside said:
If you find dirt, doesn't that actually say more about the person whose dirt it is than the person who is inquisitive?
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I guess it sort of is. There are pros and cons to both sides, for both parties. If someone does dirt, it will eventually reveal itself without having to search for it..

So I guess what I've told myself is that I hope to not be the kind of person that snoops, and if the relationship isn't right or working properly, the chips will lie where they fall. I'll find out eventually... No need in expediting it and feeding my insecurities more than needed.

Idk, I can't make a clear decision altogether.
 
I don't think it's an invasion of my privacy for my Significant Other to search my emails or call logs. Anyone who needs that much secrecy, should be SINGLE. When you are committed, your ass belongs to the other person.
 
rjmrjm21 said:
I don't think it's an invasion of my privacy for my Significant Other to search my emails or call logs. Anyone who needs that much secrecy, should be SINGLE. When you are committed, your ass belongs to the other person.
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I'm not understanding why he would need to be searching your emails and call logs.

For example, my boyfriend has shared his email account password with me and I have with him, and I've memorized his, but I only go on there if I need to see a specific email and I always ask him first. I don't look at anything, but the email that we talked about. Anything more than that would be unnecessary to me.
 
an ex did, i didnt like it. we broke up that same day, but for other reasons aswell.
 
altlover85 said:
I'm not understanding why he would need to be searching your emails and call logs.

For example, my boyfriend has shared his email account password with me and I have with him, and I've memorized his, but I only go on there if I need to see a specific email and I always ask him first. I don't look at anything, but the email that we talked about. Anything more than that would be unnecessary to me.
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Because my house is his house, my phone is his phone, and my computer is his computer. That is what sharing and caring are about. The only reason I would possibly be concerned is if I were hiding something. But I understand everyone is different. I just wouldn't tolerate not being able to look whenever I want because that would only be setting myself up for potential disaster.
 
rjmrjm21 said:
I don't think it's an invasion of my privacy for my Significant Other to search my emails or call logs. Anyone who needs that much secrecy, should be SINGLE. When you are committed, your ass belongs to the other person.
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If it works for you, then that's cool, however,

When you thrive on being that dependent on being a part of someone's ass though,

You lose some semblance of any sort of individuality. Personal space and boundaries are equally important. Having synergy to be who you are while being who you are while you're with someone is what building trust and relationships are all about -

Not having your ass belong to someone.
 
My ex was a distrustful psychotic, and while I don't think he ever read my texts, I've no doubt it would have got to that stage eventualy. In short, don't do it, it's highly disrespectful, a gross invasion of privacy, and makes you look like a nutter.
 
texan_slant said:
If it works for you, then that's cool, however,

When you thrive on being that dependent on being a part of someone's ass though,

You lose some semblance of any sort of individuality. Personal space and boundaries are equally important. Having synergy to be who you are while being who you are while you're with someone is what building trust and relationships are all about -

Not having your ass belong to someone.
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Different strokes.... I know lots of successful couples who have the same Facebook page and do/share everything together. On the other extreme, I know couples who have separate everything and don't even live in the same house. < They get off on treating each other like sh-it but that's just not MY idea of a REAL relationship.
 
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