Choosing A Side: Best Friend or Best Friends Ex

[thedolaon]

So i met my best friend first, and we became close.

Then he got a boyfriend and we distanced a little but we were still very close. Over time we hung out more and got to know his boyfriend more and now we’re really cool. Like very good friend status.

For the moment for his job, he had to go away for a month and relationship demons came and they broke up. They were a little troubled and argued over jealousy. My best friends ex is new to the whole scene but he is very loyal.

The trouble i have is that my best friend told me he wont hang out with me much since im now good friends with his ex.

And now i feel i have to choose sides. Theyre both awesome.

Any advice?

 

[TopherGF]

You can't control what either of them does. If either disagrees with your decision, that's his issue. You shouldn't have to choose who you are friends with because another friend doesn't like it. You can hang out with both of them separately. It'll be tough though, because they each will probably want to talk about the other. I would say, just don't talk with one about the other. If they want to talk about it, listen, but don't go telling the details of what you did with the other one the night before. If your best friend can't deal with you hanging out with his ex, then that's his decision and his loss. But leave the door open for him.

 

[maxpowr9]

How recent is the breakup? That is actually an important factor. I would say let the dust settle before you make any hasty decisions. You could keep both as friends but you have to think long term. They have to grow apart from each other before you can fully be friends with both of them.

 

[eastofeden]

Back away from both of them...for awhile anyway. In the meantime...do not say anything bad about either one of them under any circumstances to either one of them or anyone else. Don't even think any bad thoughts...

When they have resolved their differences and moved on then it is safe to proceed with the friendships.

That is my advice...

 

[Rolyo85]

Your best friend sounds like he's 12, frankly...

 

[bruce379]

I kinda like the advice of eastofeden.
I'd still want to keep close contact with both of them, just not at the same time.

 

[MoufOfKhaos]

Uh, if your friend is making you choose who you can hang out with because he has issues with them, then he's obviously not your "best" friend. A real friend is there to protect you, not to manipulate you into what he wants you to do.

 

[bankside]

If both of them are basically decent people an dit just didn't work out, then what you do is show some sensitivity by not forcing them into the same room at the same time, so no inviting both of them to the same party. But continue to show friendship toward both if you like both. And if that is too much for anyone to handle, he will back away and the other one will not So if your friend decides to go, too bad but oh well.

 

[thedolaon]

Back away from both of them...for awhile anyway. In the meantime...do not say anything bad about either one of them under any circumstances to either one of them or anyone else. Don't even think any bad thoughts...

When they have resolved their differences and moved on then it is safe to proceed with the friendships.

That is my advice...

I kinda like the advice of eastofeden.
I'd still want to keep close contact with both of them, just not at the same time.

At the moment, I do talk to both. They are ALWAYS asking about the other. It's hard because I'm this middle person. At moments I find it amusing, but others, it's taxing. My best friend hasn't returned yet from traveling for this job yet.

Your best friend sounds like he's 12, frankly...

Uh, if your friend is making you choose who you can hang out with because he has issues with them, then he's obviously not your "best" friend. A real friend is there to protect you, not to manipulate you into what he wants you to do.

I've been told he's a dick. For some reason my personality attracts assholes.

Our friendship is very strong though, which was why when he wrote that comment I was kind of thrown back a little.

If both of them are basically decent people and it just didn't work out, then what you do is show some sensitivity by not forcing them into the same room at the same time, so no inviting both of them to the same party. But continue to show friendship toward both if you like both. And if that is too much for anyone to handle, he will back away and the other one will not So if your friend decides to go, too bad but oh well.

I have a feeling they'll get back together and the cycle will happen again, to be honest. But I will do this if that happens.

 

[AlmondMilk]

Well, I'd tell him that I won't stop being friends with either. If he's willing to give up his friendship with you that easily, then what kind of friend is that? I do somewhat agree to let the dust settle, but sometimes this just promotes the tension.

 

[darden]

I had a similar situation ages ago, back in high school... my best friend started dating a girl, and she and I became close. after they broke up, we stayed friends.

no one ever made me choose sides, but after the breakup it got awkward trying to hang out with both (especially since they had no interest in hanging out together). over time, I found myself drifting away from the person who less ingrained with the rest of my social circle.

 

[journo25]

I have remained close friends with two people who became estranged. It helps that they live in two different cities and we are seldom all together. I made it clear from the start that I would not provide insider info about one to the other, and they have by and large respected that policy. I didn't want to lose either friendship or get caught in the middle but that's why there had to be ground rules.

 

[Alexei]

Your best friend sounds like he's 12, frankly...

THIS...

But seriously, why would he make you choose a side? i sense a hint of 'immaturity'. I'd be frank with him and tell him, the fact that hes making you choose is ridiculous and that he needs to grow up. Then again.....that's just the kinda person I am lol

 

[Seasoned]

Divorce is funny that way and some people demand loyalty. If having both of them as friends is too taxing then pick one or none. Also, not all breakups are permanent.