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chub/chaser relationships?

Auburn

Auburn

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hey guys, do you feel that relationships between chubs and chasers are harder than other gay relationships ? As a chaser, i think it is HARD to find big men that secure enough with themselves to have a good relationship, but i want to know what you guys think. I am young and new to relationships in this "scene" (i have only had one).
 
I don't think it's the chub's self esteem that is the problem. I think it's chasers that take chubs for granted that is the problem. They think just because chubs are lower on the desirability scale means they can treat them however they want.

Trust me it's happening all the time.

A good boyfriend would support their boyfriend and help them strengthen their self esteem. Or else it's just subjugation.
 
I am neither a chub nor a chaser, however, I do not believe a relationship should be solely based on ones physical appearance. That would be very shallow. Regardless of the appearance of the body, there is a human being inside there that needs all the same things any other human being needs. If you are a chaser and choose to select only chubs, that is fine, but don't use their appearance to CONTROL them. That would be wrong. Conversely, if you are a chub and believe all you can find is a chaser, that is equally wrong and indicative of low self-esteem, to wit, a problem. It is like so many straight guys who prefer a full-figured girl. There is nothing wrong with that unless you make it wrong.
 
Orlandude said:
I am neither a chub nor a chaser, however, I do not believe a relationship should be solely based on ones physical appearance. That would be very shallow. Regardless of the appearance of the body, there is a human being inside there that needs all the same things any other human being needs. If you are a chaser and choose to select only chubs, that is fine, but don't use their appearance to CONTROL them. That would be wrong. Conversely, if you are a chub and believe all you can find is a chaser, that is equally wrong and indicative of low self-esteem, to wit, a problem. It is like so many straight guys who prefer a full-figured girl. There is nothing wrong with that unless you make it wrong.
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What do you mean by chasers using chubs' appearance to control them? also, IMO, i think chubs use their appearance to justify certain actions, such as being INSANELY jealous or controlling and that is VERY wrong too...I don't actually know if that's how chubs are but that seems to be my impression, but like i said i have limited experience with chubs.
 
i am a chub who has been in a relationship for 5 years with a chaser. we have had our ups and downs as all relationships do but i dont feel that it is any hard to have a relationship between a chub and a chaser than anyone else. the looks of the people do not make a relationship it is the feelings and the love you hold for each other that make a relationship last
 
I've found it to be hard to even be a chub or a bear. Thats all I can say about this subject.
 
NOt at all. I'm a chaser and I never boss bigger guys around... Heck I don't boss anyone around.
 
I think my relationship with my boyfriend so far being very good. We really have mutual understanding and be positive thinking eventhough we are from different background, country, even religion. We can communicate with each other so well in a very understandable language. I think with positive attitude and be caring and loving with your partner, no matter you chaser or chub, you can have the good relationship. don't be bossy, don't demand so much, if you really love your partner, you should accept whatever he had.. and if he feels that you are less perfect than his expectation, then do something to improve. Don't just simply argue. Second thing, we need to honor the relationship. Don't ever think only one side need another one. It should be both needing each other. Chub needs a chaser, who is an extraordinary gay who loves no other than chubs. Whilst, chaser needs chub, who is different physically from any other gay.

Gay relationship is just like straight relationship. It involves feeling, caring and mutual understanding. The difference is just degree of acceptance from your surrounding and mentality. Other things just damn same.
 
I think all relationships come with their hardships, but as someone who has been in a relationship with one chubby guy and dated (and is currently dating) a chubby guy, the issue I keep running into is their insecurity and general lack of self-esteem. Seriously, a lot of you are too fucking sexy to not know it.

I'm not a chaser, meaning I'm skinny but I don't actively "chase" bigger men. I leave the door open for all types of men....as long as they're interesting to talk to. My relationships with bigger guys usually fail because they can't get passed their insecurities about their appearance. It's tough (and annoying) being with someone who feels the constant need to bring up the fact that your skinny, tries to compete with you to overcompensate for years of being told that they aren't "hot" enough. Or doesn't trust you around other men, especially skinny ones, cause they don't truly believe in their own hotness. Another issue I've run into is guys with fake confidence that see fit to remind you every 5 minutes that they're "a sexy fat boy" to hide their own insecurities. What's even worse is when they don't honestly believe that you're attracted to them beyond the level of fetishising them. You can't make someone increase their level of self-esteem, that defeats the purpose of the concept itself since it's something that has to come from within.

Not all chubs have these issues, my last bf was chubz and didn't. I just don't understand why a guy just can't be happy with the fact that someone thinks he's sexy, instead of questioning it to the demise of the relationship. I don't wanna limit myself to only dating guys that look like me, but past (and current) experiences with bigger men is making me reconsider dating one in the near future, which is fucked up but I don't wanna keep putting myself in the same situation where I know what the end result is gonna be.

A chubby friend of mine introduced me to the term S.F.M.D. (Sad Fat Man's Disease) to describe guys that wallow in self-pity because of their weight. I didn't know there was a term for it, but it's all too true and unfortunately all too common.

So yeah...it's hard. But it doesn't have to be.
 
As a chub, I find a lot of guys who are "build" queens. So I find myself in a 'too good to be true' situation when a chaser speaks to me.

Did that make any sense? Or do I need to elaborate?
 
I am comfortable with myself. So I act normally when flirting.

Then a slim/slender guy says something unkind (things which I do not need to spell out).
And it happens again. And again.

Then a chaser comes along. But I have been burnt so many times, I think he is just like all the rest. He may even say he likes bigger guys, but is he just leading me on? *begin Prom scene from Carrie*

I know, shame on me for being that way, but you can't hardly blame me.

Thus the strained dynamics.
 
This is exactly like my situation, but from the other perspective.

That's completely understandable...feeling like you're being led on after being burned so many times. But you're pre-judging all the skinny boys that are after you, preventing yourself from finding somebody that actually wants to be with you cause he likes you. We've all been burned by guys, but you can't let past traumas keep you from finding someone that genuinely appreciates you. It's a risk dating ANYONE, but it's a risk you have to take if you're looking for a companion.
 
modernaire said:
It's tough (and annoying) being with someone who feels the constant need to bring up the fact that your skinny, tries to compete with you to overcompensate for years of being told that they aren't "hot" enough. Or doesn't trust you around other men, especially skinny ones, cause they don't truly believe in their own hotness. Another issue I've run into is guys with fake confidence that see fit to remind you every 5 minutes that they're "a sexy fat boy" to hide their own insecurities. What's even worse is when they don't honestly believe that you're attracted to them beyond the level of fetishising them. You can't make someone increase their level of self-esteem, that defeats the purpose of the concept itself since it's something that has to come from within.
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I am SOOOO glad you said this. This is exactly what I have been through...One reason it is better to stay single. I hate dealing with the insecurities that chubby men have..that's why sometimes I wish I wasnt attracted to them. Dealing with their issues make me really depressed.

dexyboi86 said:
I am comfortable with myself. So I act normally when flirting.

Then a slim/slender guy says something unkind (things which I do not need to spell out).
And it happens again. And again.

Then a chaser comes along. But I have been burnt so many times, I think he is just like all the rest. He may even say he likes bigger guys, but is he just leading me on? *begin Prom scene from Carrie*

I know, shame on me for being that way, but you can't hardly blame me.

Thus the strained dynamics.
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Yeah, Dexy, I guess I can't blame you for feeling the way you do. I have been through this a lot. As a chaser, I have had several guys tell me they didn't really believe that I liked them, leading me to become more and more self-conscious about liking chubby men. I hate it that so many chasers have fucked with chubby men's heads. It seems in this community that the chasers are assumed to be bad people, while the chubs are seen as being good. What is a chaser to do? Seems like i keep running into this shit over and over again. Its fucked up how chubby men want someone to accept them, but when they find that, they treat us chasers like we are bad people. Chubby men need to understand that it isnt easy being a chaser. You get crap from the chubby guys you like (I always get questioned about liking chubby men) plus the mainstream gay community makes fun of you and doesn't understand you.

:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:
 
INtrospective1 said:
You get crap from the chubby guys you like (I always get questioned about liking chubby men) plus the mainstream gay community makes fun of you and doesn't understand you.
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Why can't we all just get along?!?!?!
It seems like everyone doesen't like everyone else because of the fact that they don't like everyone else...a vicious circle!
 
--O2-- said:
I don't think it's hard to find big men that are secure enough, I think it's hard to find men that are secure enough to have a good relationship, full stop.

Adding in some sort of role playing dynamic is not going to help people show their true colors, either. Just be you, date who you want to date, and not a projection.
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I agree, completely. As many gay guys I hear complain about not being able to find or maintain a steady relationship, it's easy to see that there's something else going on across all sub-cultures in the "gay community" that makes it hard to achieve these things for some people.

And the "role-playing" thing has never appealed to me and why I don't like the "chaser" label. It creates a weird dynamic in the relationship where it's sort of like an agreement that you're dating the person mainly because of what their appearance is (fat or skinny) and fetishises the whole relationship. It's like extended role-playing, not a real relationship per se.
 
dexyboi86 said:
I am comfortable with myself. So I act normally when flirting.

Then a slim/slender guy says something unkind (things which I do not need to spell out).
And it happens again. And again.

Then a chaser comes along. But I have been burnt so many times, I think he is just like all the rest. He may even say he likes bigger guys, but is he just leading me on? *begin Prom scene from Carrie*

I know, shame on me for being that way, but you can't hardly blame me.

Thus the strained dynamics.
Click to expand...

That's happen to me a lot of times, when chasers pay a compliment to me I find it harder to believe them.
 
modernaire said:
And the "role-playing" thing has never appealed to me and why I don't like the "chaser" label. It creates a weird dynamic in the relationship where it's sort of like an agreement that you're dating the person mainly because of what their appearance is (fat or skinny) and fetishises the whole relationship. It's like extended role-playing, not a real relationship per se.
Click to expand...

I don't like this either and I agree that it is definitely like extended role-playing, which I am not into at all. I don't like the "chaser" label! I don't fetishize overweight men. Its not like I am gonna chase after the guy with the biggest gut..I look at personality too. I think that's why alot of big guys don't like chasers...cause they think that, with chasers, everything has to be about the sex
 
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