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chub/chaser relationships?

i love being a bigger built chub guy, it just seems in Sydney - the chasers arent as open .. im sure this happens all over the world.... my experiences with chasers has not been ideal.... in that i have been treated like i am a circus freak show, or im a guilty indulgence that they cant ever admit to liking-a lil bit like nose picking feels good for some but they never admit to it Or owning a copy of the body guard sound track or my heart will go on maxi single hahaha....

im not too bitter about it - just merely an observation ;)
 
modernaire said:
I agree, completely. As many gay guys I hear complain about not being able to find or maintain a steady relationship, it's easy to see that there's something else going on across all sub-cultures in the "gay community" that makes it hard to achieve these things for some people.

And the "role-playing" thing has never appealed to me and why I don't like the "chaser" label. It creates a weird dynamic in the relationship where it's sort of like an agreement that you're dating the person mainly because of what their appearance is (fat or skinny) and fetishises the whole relationship. It's like extended role-playing, not a real relationship per se.
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id date you in a sydney minute mr ;) hugs hope you are well
 
In my experience, my husbands initial attraction to me was based on my physical appearance. (At 355 lbs, I was his fantasy man come to life!) We initially met online and chatted a couple of times before meeting in person. While it seemed like we got along fine, I knew that this can be misleading. The real test would come when we met in person. I had chatted with lots of men who seemed perfect online, but when I met them in person, there was no "spark".

My husband and I went out to a Planet Big dance and then out to dinner for our first date, and half way through dinner, I remember thinking to myself "This could be the ONE". We talked and talked for hours, and did not have sex that night. But I will say that the next weekend, we were supposed to got to a movie, and out to dinner for our second date, but we never made it out of my apartment that night:sex:

My point is, the attraction can be purely physical at first, but in order for a relationship to develop there has to be compatability on a deeper level. Your personalities need to mesh well or else it will never last. We have been together for about 5 years now, and hopefully we will grow old together.
 
Im a chubby guy, not by personal choice though. I cant see how anyone could find me atractive, this is held firm by the fact that people dont treat me as a human with lustfull feelings, just a guy who is quite nice to chat to.

From my perspective on the issue I think most chubby guys will just think that any chaser is instantly messing around, or just chatting out of pity.

But I can see the other side of it, your atracted to what your atracted to, and it must be upseting for a chaser to be with a chubby guy who is self contious and constantly putting themselves down.
 
evil_danger said:
Im a chubby guy, not by personal choice though. I cant see how anyone could find me atractive, this is held firm by the fact that people dont treat me as a human with lustfull feelings, just a guy who is quite nice to chat to.

From my perspective on the issue I think most chubby guys will just think that any chaser is instantly messing around, or just chatting out of pity.

But I can see the other side of it, your atracted to what your atracted to, and it must be upseting for a chaser to be with a chubby guy who is self contious and constantly putting themselves down.
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(*8*),evil_danger

yes it is very upsetting to be with a chubby guy who is self-conscious and constantly putting themselves down.

Also, I do get alot of guys who think I am just messing around with them when I am not...A few bad chasers have fucked it up for the good ones, like me. So that leaves most chubby men heart-broken and bitter! SUCKS..not in a good way :)
 
i find that when people see that i am confident and dress well for my size that i should be bought down a level..... i have been in a bar and might i say dressed well having a great time with mates and someone will come and tell me that im too big, that i shouldnt be there, that they are shocked im not diabetic, that i would look much hotter and cuter than iam now if i shed some weight...i dont get bitter about it but it always hits me out of the blue.... i guess it bewilders me because im not a person who would ever tell someone that, as i guess i was taught better manners than that...
I accept there are people who will always slag the chubs but like Madonna says "wont let a stranger give me a social disease"
i just refuse to let those peeps get to me, i have loads of friends and peeps in my life who love me regardless of my size .The one person in particular and most importantly, who thinks i look fine.... well he is .......... ME!
 
hairycub29 said:
i find that when people see that i am confident and dress well for my size that i should be bought down a level..... i have been in a bar and might i say dressed well having a great time with mates and someone will come and tell me that im too big, that i shouldnt be there, that they are shocked im not diabetic, that i would look much hotter and cuter than iam now if i shed some weight...i dont get bitter about it but it always hits me out of the blue.... i guess it bewilders me because im not a person who would ever tell someone that, as i guess i was taught better manners than that...
I accept there are people who will always slag the chubs but like Madonna says "wont let a stranger give me a social disease"
i just refuse to let those peeps get to me, i have loads of friends and peeps in my life who love me regardless of my size .The one person in particular and most importantly, who thinks i look fine.... well he is .......... ME!
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I understand what you say, although no one has really been rude to me about my weight in a long while.

I would never go up to someone and tell him or her they shouldn't be out in public for any reason, everyone is different and that’s a great thing. I mean I’m only human, I have looked at obese people and thought to myself that its a shame they let themselves get to that point, but it still doesn't change the wonderful person they are inside.

But ultimately it does happen, If a chaser asked me out I would most likely laugh in their face, just cos I couldn't see what a slimmer guy would see in me.
 
INtrospective1 said:
hey guys, do you feel that relationships between chubs and chasers are harder than other gay relationships ? As a chaser, i think it is HARD to find big men that secure enough with themselves to have a good relationship, but i want to know what you guys think. I am young and new to relationships in this "scene" (i have only had one).
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I feel your pain. You seem to understand that you need to find a chub who has good self esteem, but we are few and far between. And when you do find one, more than likely he will already be taken.

5 years ago I was single and in a similar situation. Trying to find a chaser who was single, sincere, financially independent, and emotionally ready for a committed long term relationship. For the longest time, it seemed like a chaser like this didn't exist. I dated alot of chasers, but everyone seemed to have a fatal flaw. Either they were "married" and just looking to fool around on their mate, or they were a "player". Some times they seemed perfect, only to turn out to be a leach looking for a sugar daddy. The worst were the ones who turned out to be otherwise perfect, but they just weren't emotionally ready to commit long term.

It's easy to lose hope, but try not to get discouraged. It may sometimes seem like you will never find "Mr Right", but I think that the secret is just live your life to the fullest without expectations, before you know it, Mr Right will find you.
 
evil_danger said:
If a chaser asked me out I would most likely laugh in their face, just cos I couldn't see what a slimmer guy would see in me.
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That is extremely rude...then again, many chubs would probably do the same thing. Ha, and some chubs wonder why I am so shy....


SFMusic said:
I feel your pain. You seem to understand that you need to find a chub who has good self esteem, but we are few and far between. And when you do find one, more than likely he will already be taken.

5 years ago I was single and in a similar situation. Trying to find a chaser who was single, sincere, financially independent, and emotionally ready for a committed long term relationship. For the longest time, it seemed like a chaser like this didn't exist. I dated alot of chasers, but everyone seemed to have a fatal flaw. Either they were "married" and just looking to fool around on their mate, or they were a "player". Some times they seemed perfect, only to turn out to be a leach looking for a sugar daddy. The worst were the ones who turned out to be otherwise perfect, but they just weren't emotionally ready to commit long term.

It's easy to lose hope, but try not to get discouraged. It may sometimes seem like you will never find "Mr Right", but I think that the secret is just live your life to the fullest without expectations, before you know it, Mr Right will find you.
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Thanks, SF!

I am trying really hard to not get discouraged. You are right---most of the good chubs are taken. Sometimes, I get to the point where I am so over being a chaser because I am tired of being stereotyped for it. Its already bad enough that I like overweight men, because that is not accepted in the "mainstream" gay community, but then I also have to deal with chubs taking their bitterness out on me. I didn't ask to be a chaser, so to all you chubs out there, you need to stop thinking that the bad things you experience with chasers ( I HATE THAT FUCKING TERM!!!) won't happen with guys who are not chasers...Bad guys come from all parts of the gay community:mad:
 
INtrospective1 said:
Thanks, SF!

I am trying really hard to not get discouraged. You are right---most of the good chubs are taken. Sometimes, I get to the point where I am so over being a chaser because I am tired of being stereotyped for it. Its already bad enough that I like overweight men, because that is not accepted in the "mainstream" gay community, but then I also have to deal with chubs taking their bitterness out on me. I didn't ask to be a chaser, so to all you chubs out there, you need to stop thinking that the bad things you experience with chasers ( I HATE THAT FUCKING TERM!!!) won't happen with guys who are not chasers...Bad guys come from all parts of the gay community:mad:
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You are absolutely right! Bad guys come from ALL parts of the gay community. Chubs as well as chasers.

Keep putting yourself out there, but don't date guys with the expectation that the next one may be Mr Right. Just go out and enjoy yourself, and make friends. Eventually, and when you least expect it, you will meet the right guy who will "mesh" with you physically, emotionally, mentally, etc.
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^ me too, well actually I wish I could just find a guy (or girl) who excepted me for who I am.
 
The problem here seems to stem from an overwhelming amount of low self esteem. So many wish they could find someone who loved them for who they are... why would anyone want to love someone who can't see who they are themselves? Sexiness and beauty stems from a deep level of confidence in oneself, not just the outer layer. I've been bigger than everyone else my entire life. From birth forward. I was just given a shitty bag of genetics in the weight department. Luckily, I was also born with an incredibly strong sense of self and a desire to be me.

Have I been picked on? Fuck yeah, I've been picked on. People are cruel and unforgiving when it comes to those who are different. And it hurts. It digs deep. No matter of someone loving you will ever be able to fill that void, though. If someone tells you that they love you, is it their fault that you can't trust them because you can't believe anyone would love you? Of course it isn't! And how completely unfair to the other person to do that to them! More importantly, how unfair it is to do it to yourself. Don't you owe it to yourself to let someone love you... completely?

No one can ever love you more than you love yourself. Your willingness and availability to love is only meassured by how willing you are to be loved. By you and by others. Yes, you'll be burned. Yes, it's difficult. Of course it is. Just remember, though: Karma is a fucking bitch. And one day, those skiny assholes who picked on you will get it. Their uppence are coming and they won't know what to do.

Looks fade, fellas. And these beauty queens won't be happy forever. Start now and find a way to be happy with who you are without the boost from a mirror. Either that... or learn how to throw a really good punch. ;)
 
You make some excellent points. To all the chubs who complain about not being able to find a chaser to date. You need to look inside yourself for the answer. If you are secure about who you , comfortable with the way you look, and always present yourself with your best foot forward, you will meet a man who will love you just the way you are. The internet makes finding guys so easy. Yes most of them will be all wrong for you, but unless you put yourself out there, Mr Right won't know how to find you.

--Cachorro-- said:
The problem here seems to stem from an overwhelming amount of low self esteem. So many wish they could find someone who loved them for who they are... why would anyone want to love someone who can't see who they are themselves? Sexiness and beauty stems from a deep level of confidence in oneself, not just the outer layer. I've been bigger than everyone else my entire life. From birth forward. I was just given a shitty bag of genetics in the weight department. Luckily, I was also born with an incredibly strong sense of self and a desire to be me.

Have I been picked on? Fuck yeah, I've been picked on. People are cruel and unforgiving when it comes to those who are different. And it hurts. It digs deep. No matter of someone loving you will ever be able to fill that void, though. If someone tells you that they love you, is it their fault that you can't trust them because you can't believe anyone would love you? Of course it isn't! And how completely unfair to the other person to do that to them! More importantly, how unfair it is to do it to yourself. Don't you owe it to yourself to let someone love you... completely?

No one can ever love you more than you love yourself. Your willingness and availability to love is only meassured by how willing you are to be loved. By you and by others. Yes, you'll be burned. Yes, it's difficult. Of course it is. Just remember, though: Karma is a fucking bitch. And one day, those skiny assholes who picked on you will get it. Their uppence are coming and they won't know what to do.

Looks fade, fellas. And these beauty queens won't be happy forever. Start now and find a way to be happy with who you are without the boost from a mirror. Either that... or learn how to throw a really good punch. ;)
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I'm a chaser and he's a chub. He's very comfortable with himself and he doesn't bother about his size nor what people say.
 
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