Chubs and Chaser Relationships.

[BlondeCanadian]

Hello all,
So this is my first post in a really long time and it is because I want to get something off my chest and hopefully either start some discourse here or can help someone take a look at their relationship. I also want to preface this by saying this is solely based on my own relationships and experiences.

So I was a young chub for many years weighing in at 310 to my highest at 386 from 18-22. During this time I met a couple chasers online who were very interested in me. However they all lives in other countries and far away and being 18 I was uncomfortable flying to them even when they offered to pay. However for these four years we Skyped and talked consistently and of course had Skype sex. I then started making good money and could travel to see them near 22 but plans fell through. I also spoke to them about me working hard to lose weight and asked them if they would support me and still find me sexually attractive if I lost the weight. Two of them said they would support me as a friend, and would still want to be friends with me but warned me that it would just be friendship after that. One told me he wouldn't even be able to be friends with me because it would hurt him too much to see me skinny when he was so into me as a chub. Two of them assured me that my attractiveness was not primarily due to my weight and of course supported me.

So I then went from around 386 pounds to 195-210 at 6 foot 1. Almost immediately from around 290 or so and below I could feel these two distancing themselves from me. Messages became fewer.

The one guy said he was trying to date a friend from home and wanted to focus on that. I said of course that was reasonable. I have just found out this morning that this guy is now dating a guy who lives half an hour from me and has flown to toronto from milan multiple times to visit him. So he clearly a) was not interested in being friends or else he would have at least met me for a coffee and b) clearly as soon as the fat was shrinking all hopes of having a relationship were off the table as he cut me out and then continued to internationally chub hunt even in my area.

The second guy was still talking sporadically and assured me he liked me just as much and when I offered to come see him he was open to it but suddenly started saying stuff like maybe we will see if things go beyond platonically. considering that at least half of our convos and Skype had been very explicit in nature and our relationship had never been remotely platonic I called him out on it and said if you are no longer attracted to me you need to tell me. Because If i fly out to see you and you are not into me I will be hurt. He then refused and acted like he was hurt then picked a fight with me and stopped talking to me.

In general my common feelings about this experience is that chub chaser relationships seem really really shallow and maybe if i had dated these guys for years maybe they would have stuck around. IT just seems really unhealthy to fetishsize something that is so unhealthy and unmaintainable for a long time to the point where it is the almost exclusive point of attractive. Which is what these guys had done. I am sure there are guys who are chasers who have dated skinny guys before who would react differently to these situations but I would warn chubs to be very wary. You may not be like me and may be happy being overweight but say if done the road it becomes a health concern and you are forced to lose weight I would be very worried.

I know some of you say shallowness is in every community, however if they had gained some weight i would have still been interested and having now had a normal relationship with a guy who saw past my excess skin and still sort of brutal body I can see how shallow my relationships were.

 

[sixthson]

You are not shallow, they are. You did the right thing for your health and life. In time, after some of the pain has passed, you will be thankful that such people are not in your life. You need someone who will love you for who you are and not some body-type.
It's unfortunate that we humans sometimes learn life's lesson only through rejection and loss. You can and will survive.

Look ahead, not back. You can do it.

 

[aaggii]

First of all, you feeling attractive, feeling good about your body shape and weight and fighting for being healthier is the most important thing in all of this. I don´t know if I saw this on TV, the internet or if someone said on a forum that fat people who got skinny seem to generally be better people, but I tend to agree.

I was in the opposite situation, until I was 20, I was probably the skinniest guy in the whole Eastern Europe. Everyone (including doctors and professors) was asking me if I am sick. Always. I hated it so much.. Then, when I turned 20 something changed and I managed to get to a normal weight and of course healthier. Only to move to Western Europe a couple of years ago to find out that the very very skinny 6 pack dudes are all to die for. Blah.. I wouldn´t go back to it for anything in the world. I wasn´t happy with my body and even if there were people attracted to me, I always felt unattractive. I changed, the same people didn´t show interest anymore (I have an average weight, boy next door type - but I had to gain over 20kg in order to look like this which to most was a big no), but other (better) people came along. Weight gain gave me confidence and made me open up more. I hope that it will have the same effect to you, it will make you go out, meet people, find more than 4 or 5 guys to talk with and eventually someone worth having in your life will come.

if they had gained some weight i would have still been interested and having now had a normal relationship with a guy who saw past my excess skin and still sort of brutal body I can see how shallow my relationships were.

Keep in mind that all you had with these guys was online, that is not even close to a real relationship.

Online profiles are pretty much inevitable now, you can always try sites like Biggercity or Chasabl. There are good people out there, believe me. You have to meet the dickheads first, usually.

 

[bearlover12]

180 lbs weight loss is awesome. Congrats. You should be feeling proud of yourself, not bad. Who knows you might be getting lots more attention now at a healthy weight

 

[ilovebears]

it all depends on the person. it has nothing to do with them being a chaser.

 

[Naughty_Monkey]

I think your experiences have a lot to do with these relationships being over the internet. it's difficult to believe that these men wouldn't be skyping with other guys and have profiles on multiple sites. if they're doing cyber with you, it's a good bet they're doing it with half a dozen other guys - and if it's a casual thing and everyone knows, no problem. But if you think it's some kind of 1-on-1 thing, well that's where problems creep in.

i would be more inclined to use the internet dating sites and such to find guys in your area or near enough to drive and make that connection in person, so the internet is only a launchpad to whatever comes next. Even in 2014 nothing beats good old face to face conversation (and more!)


oh and as for some of them rejecting you when you lost weight, well that's their hang up and really just confirms that for these specific guys all of this is a fantasy that plays out on their computer screen.

 

[nikey2k27]

I know what u mean i had same problem my self.

 

[mixzonemike]

i love chubby guys.but if he lost his weight. i would still like him as a person and what inside him, his heart his soul his brain but i will not be sexually attracted to him kuz my lust and sexual attraction goes for the weight not for the brain.lets be sensible here guys...

 

[txbonhomme]

Maybe we place too much emphasis on looks. A lot or people obsess over things like hair color, eye color, skin color, height, weight, penis size, body hair. Maybe we should place more emphasis on inward things like smarts, personality, and character.

 

[nikey2k27]

Maybe we place too much emphasis on looks. A lot or people obsess over things like hair color, eye color, skin color, height, weight, penis size, body hair. Maybe we should place more emphasis on inward things like smarts, personality, and character.

i think more people should but that life.