The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums

  • Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community

    In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
    If you do not have an account, please register.
    REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your Info

    PLEASE READ: To register, turn off your VPN (iPhone users- disable iCloud); you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.

  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

Closeted friend keeps making jokes

Joined
Jun 28, 2010
Posts
272
Reaction score
0
Points
16
Location
Chicago
Looking for some direction, or at least see if people had a similiar experience:

I recently came out over the summer. My good friend is just starting his coming-out process and he has an old friend/former colleague who at the very least is 10-12 years older than us. I've always felt uncomfortable around him, and assumed he was gay. Never asked prior to coming out, and right after I came out, he began making jokes about it in front of others... and the petty, immature jokes like "Well, that's because you have that gay problem" or comments like "yeah, thats a typical pillow biter reaction" I mean, come on?! You're nearing 40!

About two months ago, I found his profle on a popular gay "social-networking site." He had a face picture up this time. What made it creepier was the fact that there was this faceless man on a profile that had come up in my "recently viewed" at least twice a week for about a year. The at-the-time unidentified man had the age "69" posted, so and no face picture, and he would send me creepy emails about wanting to meet up with me, and I never responded... the whole thing was just odd. Now, I find out it's this guy who is friends with my buddy.

He noticed I checked out his profile after his face picture was posted and he simply emailed me with "Nobody can know!" and I replied with "I won't out you, that's not my style."

Next time I see him, he goes off on the gay jokes again. Now, this man is not super-effeminate, but like most, people assumed he was gay.... nearing 40, never talking about a girlfriend, or pointing out a hot girl nearby. So I pulled him aside after the third or fourth comment and I told him that it wasn't cool... it wasn't cool before I knew his little secret, and it certainly wasn't cool now. I told him that I'm not going to sit there and out him to everybody, but at the same time, the jokes have to stop. They since haven't.

Anyone have to deal with someone who was in the closet, you both knew each other was gay, and he still made anti-gay jokes?
 
Don't take insults off anyone.

It's clear he has issues which you are not required to help him work through. You don't need to take it, so next time he does say something, make it very clear that if he ever does it again, you will out him to everyone, no backing down.

He reminds me of all the politicians who vote against gay rights, but have gay sex in public bathrooms.
 
A few good comebacks might put him in his place.
One example is his "yeah, thats a typical pillow biter reaction".
You can reply, "And you've bitten plenty".
 
its commendable that you intend to keeps his secret. but hes being a total asshole, and you dont have to take any shit from him. i imagine he will stop if you tell him that you will out him if he doesnt.

why are you hanging out with him anyway? and why are the other people not saying anything? i assume youre not hanging out with him alone, that you maybe have mutual friends. maybe you just need to tell him clearly, in front of everybody, that you find it insulting and he needs to stop, and your mutual friends will interfere if he does it again.
i hope that paragraph made sense. my point is that you can avoid him, and if that is difficult because of mutual friends, you can have them have your back.
 
I would take him to the side again and let him know he is being a complete asshole and you do not appreciate the jokes. If he does not cease the the jokes, all deals are off and you will make damn sure everyone knows his secret.
 
First off, stop hanging out with him if at all possible. Secondly, take him aside and warn him his out of chances. The next gay joke he tells will be his last. Thirdly, stick with it.

"That's because you've got that gay problem."
"It's not a problem with me, because I already came out. It's apparently still a problem with you. Shame you don't have the balls to come out."

"That's a typical pillow-biter reaction."
"And that's a typical closeted queen comment. Which isn't fooling anybody, by the way."

Lex
 
^What they said. No sympathy for a dick like that.
 
it maybe evil..but you could take screen shots of his profile with his pic for leverage. then anonymously email them. probably a bad idea..but popped into my head for some reason. good luck!
 
Maybe he feels that you're being morally self-righteous and superior about being gay, and him making anti-gay jokes to you is a way to bring you down a notch. I'm not trying to be difficult, just playing 'devil's advocate.'

Anyways, it's up to you, entirely up to you if you wish to connect with this person or not, or move on.

I know that criticizing each other and fighting with what is essentially another gay man (closeted or not) isn't helping anything in the long-term soul of things. And no, you're *not* better than him because you're open and he's not. And you are making him feel that way, so he lashes out against you. The way to bring your friend back is to get off your horse and don't be a 'gay' but a human.
 
^Sorry, but there is NO EXCUSE for making homophobic remarks. None. I don't care how insecure one person is or how out & proud anothr person is.
 
>>>And no, you're *not* better than him because you're open and he's not. And you are making him feel that way, so he lashes out against you.

Wrong. The OP IS better than his friend. Not because the OP's out and his friend isn't. But because the OP agreed to let his friend stay closeted, and his friend repaid this favor by continuing to demean him and all like him. Not once but repeatedly. The OP has even gone so far as to pull his friend aside privately to tell him to knock it off, instead of confronting him in public. It even sounds like the OP is totally cool with his other friend "just starting his coming-out process". To insinuate that the OP somehow deserves his friend's ridicule, or has brought it on himself because "you're acting morally superior" sounds more like you've got some issues of your own.

But hey, just playing devil's advocate here.

Lex
 
Back
Top