Closeted

[soneric2003]

Hey everyone

I'm a 21 year old college student on the west coast who recently has come to terms with his sexuality. I've denied it for a long time...keeping busy and putting it in the back of my mind so that I wouldn't have to think about it. But after five years of struggling with it and having one of my close friends come out to me, I've finally been able to accept who I am.

It scares the shit out of me to come out to anyone though. I'm afraid of losing friends, being shunned by my relatives, and being rejected by my parents. But at the same time, I'm growing more and more upset about the fact that I'm not meeting people (romantically) and fully living out my college experience. I only have a year or two left in what are supposed to be the most social times of my life and I have yet to meet anyone. I know, I need to grow a pair and be myself, but as people say, the first step is the hardest.

I posted this thread in the hopes of meeting people other college guys who are dealing with the same thing. I just need some people to chat with about stuffs that been bothering me and ideally them as well. Chatrooms haven't helped too much since most guys there are just looking for a hook-up.

This has been eating away at me for over a year now...I've been thinking about it practically everyday and night. Any support from other people going through the same thing would really help me get through this though.

Thanks and have a great Valentine's day

 

[KingofFaeries]

So what specifically did you want to talk about that's been eating away at you?

 

[soneric2003]

Can't pinpoint it specifically. I just have this horrible unsettling feeling about the situation.

Maybe hearing some other experiences and stories would help.

 

[UnderBiCover]

decide what's best for you buddy, not what someone else thinks is what you should do

there's no deadline for doing this sort of thing, don't let anyone pressure you

it's your choice, not theirs

 

[LukiusCurtiss]

I'm a college student too; on the other side of the country on the east coast. I have just come to turns with my sexuality the past year. My college is still too close to home in the way that if I were to come out there my parents would definitely find out. I know how you feel. Not knowing how your parents react and fearing their alienation. Although I think my friends would be completely fine with it; I just don't trust them to not pass it on.

The only people that know about my sexuality is my brothers other than that everyone's in the dark about it. For me it was liberating to share it with them, in the sense that I didn't have to shoulder the burden alone anymore.

Have you come out to anyone yet? If you haven't you should probably tell at least one person that is really close to you and you trust. I can't guarantee it will change the whole unsettling feeling, but it will like a painkiller reduce it.

 

[screwnutty]

Hey,

I'm not a college dude...haven't been one since 1998! LOL But I went through the same thing that your going through. I didn't fully come out until 2 years after college. I lost some friends over it. But I've talked about this before on this forum. Check my post history for details. Otherwise if your looking for a guy who doesnt want to hook up, not going to trade sexy pictures and sure as hell not interested in cyber sex then I'm your guy. I can chat to you. It helps to get it off your chest.

Let me know. take care and good luck.

 

[soneric2003]

Hey, thanks to everyone who's responded to my thread. It's really nice to have some support from others.

I'm actually not out to anyone right now. I'm hoping to tell my gay friend sometime soon though, since he would probably be the most understanding (for obvious reasons). It's just that he goes to Berkeley and I go to school in Southern California and the next time I'll have any alone time with him will be during summer. Best to tell him in person right? I would think it would be to impersonal to tell him over the phone or e-mail.

And LukiusCurtiss how'd you go about telling your brothers? I'd imagine that was pretty though...Congrats to you though for getting that far.

 

[kirby89]

Ya your situation is exactly the same as mine. I am a first year college student in a non gay friendly city or program, so it is really hard. I have taken some very small steps lately to get out there.I have came out to one of my closest friends and have started going to the only gay bar not only in the city but of northern Ontario. I would say coming out to your friend would be the best. For me just telling one person made all the difference because now there is someone i can talk to but it is still only one.

Right now though everything is gone to shit. Things are starting to go bad and i don't have any type of supportive group around me because i am 5 hours from home. Just last night i went to the gay bar for valentines and I had been there with a girl(lesbian) I met there before and she had to leave early to go to work the next day so i decided to stay. Next thing I knew a STRAIGHT guy from my program came in with his girl friend and saw me. We were talking and he was like why are u here then it hit him and he said are you gay? When he realized I was he just kinda left and I am now freaking out when I go back to school.

 

[zeus007]

Next thing I knew a STRAIGHT guy from my program came in with his girl friend and saw me. We were talking and he was like why are u here then it hit him and he said are you gay? When he realized I was he just kinda left and I am now freaking out when I go back to school.

that gay bar must be really good so that str8 couples to join.... if he tells everything to anyone say he was there alone ...did you see his gf there btw? lol. Are you freakin out cause people will learn you ve been there or because of their reaction towards you afterwards?

 

[seven_sins]

Here is the url of a blog by a guy in a similar situation that you are in. I stumbled across it yesterday. He has some links to other blogs that might be helpful also.

http://gatechguy1.blogspot.com/

 

[LukiusCurtiss]

Thanks! It took me one whole semester to actually go through with it. I was thinking of how the conversation should lead up to it. And when it finally came time, I just simply told each of them separately and their response was pretty positive. I mean one of brothers even said, that he already knew. As I had hoped, nothing changed between just that I wasn't keeping anything from them.

I agree with MoltenRock, that you should tell someone. Because it's hard to should life's burdens on top of hiding a part of yourself from everyone. It seems you already have a person in mind, so go for it! Good luck to you!

 

[soneric2003]

Right now though everything is gone to shit. Things are starting to go bad and i don't have any type of supportive group around me because i am 5 hours from home. Just last night i went to the gay bar for valentines and I had been there with a girl(lesbian) I met there before and she had to leave early to go to work the next day so i decided to stay. Next thing I knew a STRAIGHT guy from my program came in with his girl friend and saw me. We were talking and he was like why are u here then it hit him and he said are you gay? When he realized I was he just kinda left and I am now freaking out when I go back to school.

Hope the guy isn't a douchebag and spreads it all around school. Hope everything turns out ok though when you go back.

Did you at least meet anyone at the bar? lol

 

[kirby89]

that gay bar must be really good so that str8 couples to join.... if he tells everything to anyone say he was there alone ...did you see his gf there btw? lol. Are you freakin out cause people will learn you ve been there or because of their reaction towards you afterwards?

Ha well I didn't really want to follow him around to find out but ya I saw his gf.I am more freaking out about their reactions and how their attitudes will change towards me.

Did you at least meet anyone at the bar? lol

Well a funny thing was just before he came up to me there was a guy on the other side of me trying to get me to dance and then I hear the straight guy on the other side.So there I was trying to talk to him and pretend that there is not a guy on the other side of me trying to get me to dance.