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CO advice

Stitch627

Stitch627

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So, my mother and my sister are coming next Wednesday to visit me for about a week (I study abroad). They are on vacation and that's my birthday on Wednesday (I'm turning 27, totally depressing).
And I dunno... maybe that's the prospect of my upcoming birthday or whatever but I'm thinking it might be a good time to talk to them, if I manage to build up the courage to do so, and even though I cannot really say it out loud.
But:
- they will be there for a week and then leave. We would have time to talk. And if it turned into a drama, they would go soon
- it's only my sister and my mom. I have no other other sibling, and I have almost no relationship with my father, so my mother would tell him
- the next time, I'll see them it will be for my graduation ceremony, to which they intend to come. After that, I will go back to my country. I think I'd like to turn this page before going back, to have a kinda fresh start then. Doing it now would give them some time to process before my return...

If I do it, it'd be better to do it at the beginning of their stay, instead of at the end, right?
Then, their first day would be my birthday... Would it be ok to have that talk on that day? or should I wait for the following day? i'm not sure...

What do you think?
 
I'm a bit saddened to find that you're not looking for Colorado advice. :)

Anyway, yes, I'd say earlier would be better. Should you do it on your birthday? Up to you. You might not want to "clutter" the day, but then again, you might not enjoy the birthday with it hanging over your head. If you're worried about being able to say it, write them a letter and hand it to them to read in your presence.

Lex
 
"CO" is the abbreviation for "Colorado". I thought your topic name "CO Advice" referred to that. :)

Lex
 
You said CO advice. CO=Colorado.

First of all, is your family deeply religious? Do you know their feelings on homosexuality? Your expectations will help with the advice we can give.
 
:D I didn't think of this one :=D:
yeah I'm sorry, next time for Colorado

No, they're not religious at all. My father was raised in a religious family though, but I think he's never been back in a church since his wedding day :-)

And I think they're ok with homosexuality, at least my mother and sister. It's difficult to know what my father really thinks. I'm 99% sure that I would not be kicked out of their lives. And I'm financially independent anyway. But between that and being happy, there's a wide range of reaction: disappointment, guilt, sadness... Besides, I think it's always different when it's in your family. I dunno
 
Stitch627 said:
:D I didn't think of this one :=D:
yeah I'm sorry, next time for Colorado

No, they're not religious at all. My father was raised in a religious family though, but I think he's never been back in a church since his wedding day :-)

And I think they're ok with homosexuality, at least my mother and sister. It's difficult to know what my father really thinks. I'm 99% sure that I would not be kicked out of their lives. And I'm financially independent anyway. But between that and being happy, there's a wide range of reaction: disappointment, guilt, sadness... Besides, I think it's always different when it's in your family. I dunno
Click to expand...

Considering they're not religious nor noticeably homophobic, I'd say you're in the clear with coming out. I knew most of my family would be okay with me when I came out, but was really worried about my dad. He is religious and conservative, but upon coming out, he said that I never should have been scared to tell him. He never really brings it up or talks about it to me, but he also never had a single negative reaction towards it.

Now, when to do it? As Lex said, if you come out early into their visit, it may get rid of any sort of lingering nervousness you'd have, which could dampen the entire birthday experience. But if you do it near the end of their visit, you may not have to deal with any sort of awkwardness that could arise from coming out.

Considering it seems like your family will be fine with it all, I'd say go for telling them early on. That gives them the opportunity to spend time with you while they know you're gay, showing them that your orientation doesn't change the relationship you have between them.

Either way, I'd say not coming out shouldn't really be considered an option. With all of the different factors here, there should hardly be anything to fear.
 
Tell them that you are giving yourself a birthday present by being honest with them and do it on your birthday. Good luck to you. Keep us posted please.
 
I have another question.
I'm gonna turn 27 and my family has never seen me with any official girlfriend. Do you think they might wonder?
I don't think so, they have never said anything that could let me think so... However, my counselor says my mother must wonder...
 
Yes I am sure she does, mothers have a way of knowing these sorts of things.

And if what you said holds true, IE... they don't seem homophobic, then by all means tell them. It will be a great burden off your chest as well as theirs if they have suspicions already. You might be pleasantly surprised by their reaction. But for your own piece of mind, just do it and get it out of the way. You will notice immediately how much better you feel.

Lunar(*8*)
 
My parents were divorced and I'm not very close with my father so I stayed with mom whenever I come home for the break. I came out to my mother during Christmas time when I was 23. I asked mom to chat privately at the dining table and then we talked about different things. Then to proceed to my topic, I started the conversation by asking her perspective on the gay community. She's was neutral about it. Then I told her that I cannot hide from her because we both are very close and I want her continuous support (yes, I'm a momma's boy). I told her that I was struggling with dating because I liked both boys and girls. Then in her gentle voice, she said okay, and a brief silence... Then she said she loved me no matter what. Then my sister came down the stairs and said to me "so you are bi?" and I was like yeah and I was surprised that she overheard the entire conversation upstairs. Later she IMd me to let me know that she supported me no matter what. I never came back to the discussion to follow up. I needed more time for myself to figure out who I wanted to be in a relationship with.

A few months later when I returned back from another break, my sister told me in private that my mother was really upset and cried a lot after I left back to college. She was tempting to disown me and told my father what she learned from me. Thanks to my "godmother" (my aunt died so I have another person whom I referred as my Godmother) for speaking to her and calmed her down. She told her that I'm a wonderful son and I've done great things for the community and she should not stop supporting me. She came to her sense.

So expect the unexpected and give it some time for your family about your "coming out" because they think "they know you since your birth." I would do it in a private environment and not in public. At a place where it is calm to have a conversation.

Of course down the road, your mother will start telling you that she's old and wondered when you gonna get married. She wants grandchildren and blah blah blah. :D I told my friends that I'm letting my sister take care of that part since she has a boyfriend for some time and may be engaged sometime this year or next year.

I do recall back about my mom asking me if I knew how to masturbate because she was concern about me not having any girlfriends and she remembered me telling her that I was going to become a priest someday (not going to happen :D). I was laughing hard and told my mother that we do not need to have that discussion because I'm fine and healthy. I doubt your mother will ask you on that one.
 
Oh coming out is / can be so much more of a mind fuck than it really is.
I know there are horror stories about coming out and being disowned, but on the flip side there are just as many happy ending stories as well.
One never really knows and can only hope for the best.
My vote is to tell them as soon as you can. Don't rush it ... wait for a relaxing time and then just tell them.
If they can't handle it and decide to leave ... hopefully that won't be the end of the conversation. They may need some time to absorb the news.
And if they just smile and say " Well it's about TIME" ... BIG HUGS all around and then go out and celebrate.
Don't be afraid to live your life under anyones expectations.
Good luck and Be Happy.
 
Yes, tell them on your birthday. What a fun story that'll be some day.

Oh, my. If you're 27 and never dated, I doubt they suspect--rather, I think they know.

They're just waiting for you to get the courage to tell them.

That's one of the hard parts of coming out: It's your responsibility to come out. So just do it!
 
namdoog said:
I do recall back about my mom asking me if I knew how to masturbate because she was concern about me not having any girlfriends and she remembered me telling her that I was going to become a priest someday (not going to happen :D). I was laughing hard and told my mother that we do not need to have that discussion because I'm fine and healthy. I doubt your mother will ask you on that one.
Click to expand...

omg I hope not!!

And thanks for all your messages ..|
 
So... today is Wednesday
and last night I dreamt I was making out with a girl...
:confused:
 
Dream? You mean nightmare? ;)
 
When you are ready and feel strong enough...do it.

You'll feel so much better even if you don't get the full support that you want/need---because you won't have to hide who you are from those closest to you.

Hope it works out for you.
 
^ What he said.

Just keep in mind that--at your age--they probably already know.

Really, they're just waiting for you to tell them. (*8*)
 
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