So, it happens again. Another typical scenario in which the hopeless gay guy falls in love with his straight co-worker and best friend who is unbelievably attractive and also completely oblivious to the very transparent romantic feelings for him.
I have only known him for 4 months, which is when I got my new job. The second day I was working there, I had no idea who he was (obviously) and he invited me out for happy hour drinks with him and some friends. I was taken aback at first how forward he was in asking a complete stranger to hang out after having little to no introduction, but I went anyway. We ended up having a ton of fun that night and have been best friends ever since then. We hang out almost every day and never get sick of each other. As I have a limited amount of male camaraderie (most of my friends are girls), his friendship is very important to me.
About two weeks after I started my job, I casually mentioned to him while eating lunch in the park that I was gay. I don't immediately come off as gay, so he said he was completely surprised but obviously didn't care. When I told him that, it didn't seem to change our friendship at all, and actually may have brought us closer.
He has obviously demonstrated his heterosexuality several times. He's a very attractive guy and can pretty much pick up any girl he wants to, and he usually does. He looks like Alex Karev from Grey's Anatomy, but hotter. He averages a new girl every week, the quintessential 20-something bachelor. We always talk about his sex life and all the girls he's having sex with, and this honestly never bothers me, only on a few occasions when it's ostentatious. It's happened about three times, but sometimes we'll be out at a bar on a Friday or whatever, just me and him. A girl will get his attention and then the night is over for me. It doesn't offend me because I have feelings for him, but rather that it's just rude to ignore a friend you're out with in any scenario.
Some nights though, things are much different (I'm writing this now because of last night). We started out having drunch (drunk brunch), as I like to call it at around 3 with one of my other friends. Then we went to Brooklyn to another bar. After awhile my one friend left and it was just me and him (as it usually is later in the night). Things became weird after that. Obviously we were both inebriated so these things are prone to happen. We were walking from bar to bar holding hands and whatnot. Then we took a cab back to Manhattan (which he paid for completely) and I was laying in his lap in the cab and we were holding hands. Now that I'm typing this out, it seems rather petty, but at the time it was highly satisfying. I can usually push boundaries like that with him, and it continues to get more serious each time.
The strange this is that he doesn't seem to mind (otherwise I obviously wouldn't continue). He maintains his heterosexuality, and I do believe him, but sometimes I feel like he is interested in me. Whether it's wishful thinking or whether his feelings are legitimate are not for me to know I suppose, but I guess that's also up to your interpretation.
I don't want to ruin my friendship with him, and I don't think I am at this point. Maybe he's interested, maybe he's just very comfortable doing those things because he is confident in his sexuality, but I don't know. It's just hard for me I suppose because I put a lot of energy into our friendship. It feels as though it's never legitimized because I have strong feelings for him that aren't reciprocated. But at the end of the day, we still have a lot of fun together and really do value each other's company.
I guess this would be more of a commentary than anything else. Although I do need advice, I've heard it all before and have given advice about these things to other people. It's just funny how often this exact situation comes about. I just wonder what drives it, because sometimes it seems like an inevitability that will happen to just about anyone. And every time, people go against the advice they are given and pursue this unattainable sexual and romantic relationship with someone they shouldn't. If you've been in this situation, I'm sure you completely understand where I'm coming from, and if you haven't been in this situation, I'm sure you're quick to caution and criticize. And that is also understandable. It's obviously risky and even downright stupid to do these things, especially when your relationship with a friend and co-worker is at stake. But how many of us can't help ourselves? I know I can't.
I'm sorry this was long and may have had no real point. But I guess I've never really put my feelings into writing about this yet. The girl I live with is always scolding me about what I'm doing, but I will never listen to her. I guess the bottom line is to just hope for the best and hope that something disastrous never occurs. And if it was worth the risk in the end, you'll know that nothing would've come of it if you didn't that risk. Thoughts?
I have only known him for 4 months, which is when I got my new job. The second day I was working there, I had no idea who he was (obviously) and he invited me out for happy hour drinks with him and some friends. I was taken aback at first how forward he was in asking a complete stranger to hang out after having little to no introduction, but I went anyway. We ended up having a ton of fun that night and have been best friends ever since then. We hang out almost every day and never get sick of each other. As I have a limited amount of male camaraderie (most of my friends are girls), his friendship is very important to me.
About two weeks after I started my job, I casually mentioned to him while eating lunch in the park that I was gay. I don't immediately come off as gay, so he said he was completely surprised but obviously didn't care. When I told him that, it didn't seem to change our friendship at all, and actually may have brought us closer.
He has obviously demonstrated his heterosexuality several times. He's a very attractive guy and can pretty much pick up any girl he wants to, and he usually does. He looks like Alex Karev from Grey's Anatomy, but hotter. He averages a new girl every week, the quintessential 20-something bachelor. We always talk about his sex life and all the girls he's having sex with, and this honestly never bothers me, only on a few occasions when it's ostentatious. It's happened about three times, but sometimes we'll be out at a bar on a Friday or whatever, just me and him. A girl will get his attention and then the night is over for me. It doesn't offend me because I have feelings for him, but rather that it's just rude to ignore a friend you're out with in any scenario.
Some nights though, things are much different (I'm writing this now because of last night). We started out having drunch (drunk brunch), as I like to call it at around 3 with one of my other friends. Then we went to Brooklyn to another bar. After awhile my one friend left and it was just me and him (as it usually is later in the night). Things became weird after that. Obviously we were both inebriated so these things are prone to happen. We were walking from bar to bar holding hands and whatnot. Then we took a cab back to Manhattan (which he paid for completely) and I was laying in his lap in the cab and we were holding hands. Now that I'm typing this out, it seems rather petty, but at the time it was highly satisfying. I can usually push boundaries like that with him, and it continues to get more serious each time.
The strange this is that he doesn't seem to mind (otherwise I obviously wouldn't continue). He maintains his heterosexuality, and I do believe him, but sometimes I feel like he is interested in me. Whether it's wishful thinking or whether his feelings are legitimate are not for me to know I suppose, but I guess that's also up to your interpretation.
I don't want to ruin my friendship with him, and I don't think I am at this point. Maybe he's interested, maybe he's just very comfortable doing those things because he is confident in his sexuality, but I don't know. It's just hard for me I suppose because I put a lot of energy into our friendship. It feels as though it's never legitimized because I have strong feelings for him that aren't reciprocated. But at the end of the day, we still have a lot of fun together and really do value each other's company.
I guess this would be more of a commentary than anything else. Although I do need advice, I've heard it all before and have given advice about these things to other people. It's just funny how often this exact situation comes about. I just wonder what drives it, because sometimes it seems like an inevitability that will happen to just about anyone. And every time, people go against the advice they are given and pursue this unattainable sexual and romantic relationship with someone they shouldn't. If you've been in this situation, I'm sure you completely understand where I'm coming from, and if you haven't been in this situation, I'm sure you're quick to caution and criticize. And that is also understandable. It's obviously risky and even downright stupid to do these things, especially when your relationship with a friend and co-worker is at stake. But how many of us can't help ourselves? I know I can't.
I'm sorry this was long and may have had no real point. But I guess I've never really put my feelings into writing about this yet. The girl I live with is always scolding me about what I'm doing, but I will never listen to her. I guess the bottom line is to just hope for the best and hope that something disastrous never occurs. And if it was worth the risk in the end, you'll know that nothing would've come of it if you didn't that risk. Thoughts?
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