Co-Worker Refuses To Give It Up...

[danniflava]

So I work at night, when the clothing store I work at is closed. Therefore, me & my co-workers get a lot of time to chat the shift away. Anyway, I was educating my ignorant 17-year-old friend about homosexuality with my brother [who is also gay] & another one of my female co-workers. It was actually quite entertaining, because he's completely clueless. He said things like:

- Referring to me, he said "I've never met such gay people before". [I took that as a compliment that he was comfortable enough to talk to me about my sexuality, & he was clearly kind-of joking].
- Referring to my being Catholic, he said "So, how does that work? Are you even allowed to go into churches?"... LMAO... To which I responded: "No, we're not allowed to enter hospitals either." & we laughed it off...

So we end up talking about how being gay isn't a choice, and it's probably a combination of nature & nuture, although probably more on the nature side...

ANYWAY, this other co-worker from the other side of the store screams IT'S A CHOICE to which me & my other co-workers collectively responded NO IT'S NOT. & he said YES IT IS, to which we repeated, NO IT'S NOT. I could hear the ignorance in his voice, especially since he didn't even want to know what our opinions were...

The interesting thing is, that this guy is on everybody's gaydar. All the gays & girls in my store think he's gay, but he's not effeminate, really... But I can kinda tell cuz I'm very receptive and detail-oriented when referring to other people's personalities....
Anyway, I think it's interesting how he has these strong views... I mean, clearly, it seems like he thinks he's gay, but he convinces himself that being gay is a choice, so it's easier for him to stay in the closet...

 

[SonOfSlobone]

I'm not quite clear what your question is, or what you want us to comment on. The only thought that occurs to me is that debates that go "Yes it is" "No it isn't" aren't likely to change anybody's mind.

A lot of people believe gayness is choice without that meaning they're in the closet. Only time will tell if you're right about this guy.

 

[KaraBulut]

Your response should have been, "Being gay is not a choice. Being in the closet is, though."

 

[inlovewithblair]

Your response should have been, "Being gay is not a choice. Being in the closet is, though."

BURN!

 

[bankside]

The most dangerous kind of disturbed hypocritical delusionary freak is the gay guy who decides he is better than other gays because he has "chosen not to be gay." He believes he has more self-control. He believes he has better moral character. He believes he is more human.

The ones who insist it's a choice are usually propping up and justifying their own monumental psychological effort to become straight, through some kind of psychosexual transmutation. And much like the alchemists of old, trying to turn lead into gold, they might not stop at anything.

Stay away from them!

Cheers.

 

[Lalada]

Use logic.

If gay is a choice, can you make the choice?

Then there.

 

[danniflava]

I'm not quite clear what your question is, or what you want us to comment on. The only thought that occurs to me is that debates that go "Yes it is" "No it isn't" aren't likely to change anybody's mind.

A lot of people believe gayness is choice without that meaning they're in the closet. Only time will tell if you're right about this guy.

I've just lost a lot of respect for this co-worker because he refuses to understand my point of view. Especially since he's on the gaydar [I wouldn't be surprised if he's researched homosexuality & didn't like what he read...] & I want to tell him that living a gay lifestyle is a choice [going to gay clubs, gay sex etc.], but even if you insist on fucking girls only, you're still gay. You can't trick yourself to be gay or straight. You are what you are.

 

[mbamike]

I think you are just venting because this co-worker is in denial (from your observations) and it is upsetting you some how. Is this the gist of the thread?

Is so, people need to take their own journey to confront their sexuality. They control their own destiny. It has taken me over 20 years for me to confront my sexuality.

BTW, I have met several gays that don't go to clubs.

 

[TickTockMan]

It could also be that he is “straight”, but almost everyone thinks he is gay.

I had a friend that I knew was “straight”, but most people talked about him behind his back. They said things like he never had a girlfriend and he never talked about sex while not understanding him at all. Him and I talked about sex and he did have a girlfriend, but he kept his private life private from our work life. My ex-friend went his entire life with people calling “gay” or worse just because they thought he was.

When it came out about me liking guys he pushed me away because people already made dumb jokes about us. We were that close, we even went on vacation together. Toward the end of our friendship he started to dislike “queer” guys because of the way he was always treated. And in the end he wanted nothing to do with me.

Look at it from another point of view. Just from what the OP wrote people think his co-worker is “gay”. What if he is not and just tired of this kind of thing.

 

[KingofFaeries]

I'm with thynight.

And even if he is so what. There are gays that don't want to be gay and gays that truly do believe it's a choice because that helps them accept it. By choosing to do something you are consciously admitting that you like and/or approve of the thing that is being done. Saying that you can't change, while true, imho, is some what of a cop out. I was born gay, and I choose to be gay, out of the closet, and all that that entails. I wouldn't ever even try to be straight again because I know what that did to me when I was younger. Point is gay or straight we choose are bed fellows which is societies eyes defines our sexuality.

And just because the op put me a little on the defensive : Have you ever asked him if he was gay or had chosen to be gay since he believes it's a choice? Have you actually talked with him about him. Or is your irritation at him simply because you think he's gay and in denial? If that's the case then hon you need to step down off your 'fabulously' decorated soap box and take a good long look in the mirror. Because honey your irritation at his perceived denial is the first step that bigots all those years ago took on the path of hating us for being gay.

Last point, I've made it in other threads all over this forum. I don't care if the Pope himself comes up to you and says " Jerry over there he's gay" YOU DON"T KNOW! Even if he sets off gaydar from 30 miles away like a giant queen in sequence dress and feather boa you don't know what is in his heart or in his mind. See previous paragraph for more ranting.