The Stalker
Note: The following story will be the 198th story that I have posted on this forum. I am working on two other stories, which I will post. The last of which is a series of short stories. I plan on taking off some time from writing and give myself a break. I do hope that you enjoy reading my stories.
I thought that I would share with you two quotes that I recently read.
"Writing is like making love. Don't worry about the orgasm, just concentrate on the process." (Isabel Allende)
"I read so many bad things about sex that I had to give up reading." (Anonymous)
I hope the you did not find any bad things about sex in my stories that caused you to give up reading other than short private personal necessary breaks.
Kevin
The Stalker
By Kevin – unoponcho
The office building I worked in like a number of other office buildings in the area had a shortage of parking spaces for the employees. A large percentage of the employees either used the city buses or rode bicycles or motorcycles to and from work. I lived less than a mile from my office and I preferred walking.
One day as I walked out of the office building, I noticed a young man sitting on a bench across the street with his bicycle was nearby. The young man had on headgear, those tight fitting short pants, and a pull over shirt like the cyclist wear. I did not pay much attention to him and started walking home. I had not gotten too far when I saw him slowly riding by me in the street near the curb next to the sidewalk. He was going real slow as he passed me, he was looking and smiling at me. After he passed me he speeded up and took off in a rapid speed. Later, I was getting close to my house and he suddenly appeared beside me again. As before, he was riding slowly by and smiling at me. He was looking at me so intently that he was not watching where he was going. A car had pulled around him and when he started to speed off, he almost ran into the back of the car in front of him.
Being gay, but practically a closest case because of the position that I had, I could not keep from looking the cyclist over. He was not built like a typical cyclist. He was tall and had a more muscular physique than the average thin well-toned cyclist. Because of his helmet and sunglasses, I could not tell much about his facial features. I only knew that he had a nice muscular butt, chest, legs and arms.
A couple days later, which was a Tuesday, the same thing happened again. I did not think much about it. I did not think that a masculine straight looking young man who appeared to be a year or so younger than I would possibly be interested in me.
Wednesday and Thursday he followed me some distance behind me until I got in front of my house, and he would ride by me going on up the street. It occurred to me that this just could not be a coincidence any more, but I could not figure out why he was doing this or what he was doing.
Friday when I got off of work, and left the office building I looked across the street and he was not on the bench waiting for me to come out. I don’t know why but for some reason I was disappointed.
I walked home and kept looking behind me expecting to see him, but there was no sign of him. I reach my house and had walked about half way up my driveway towards my house, and he suddenly appeared from the side of my house and stood in the driveway in front of me. I did not know what he wanted or why he was there. I thought about turning around and running, but I knew that he was in much better shape than I was, and I could not out run him. He must have sensed that I was frightened. He took off his helmet and sunglasses.
He stuck his hand out, and said, “Larry. My name is Martin.”
I shook his hand, and asked, “How do you know my name?”
“I know a lot about you Larry Hightower, but I want to know more. Would you meet me at Denny’s and have dinner with me tonight?”
I did not know what to say. I was interested and yet I did not know anything about him.
I lied and said, “I’m sorry Martin but my wife and I are going out for dinner tonight.”
He smiled, and said, “Well congratulations. What time today did you and your new bride get married?”
I replied, “What do you mean?”
Martin said, “As of yesterday you were not married nor did you have a steady girl or boyfriend. I told you that I knew a lot about you. I have been watching you for a couple of weeks now. I know that you are gay and are living here alone. Now, why don’t you meet me in a couple of hours at Denny’s and we can have dinner together and get to know each other better. I know that the circumstances in which I have introduced myself is not the norm, but come on and give me a chance?”
“Alright. What time do you want to meet?”
“How about seven o’clock? Will that give you enough time?” Martin asked.
“Okay. Seven o’clock at Denny’s.”
Martin put his helmet and sunglasses back on shook my hand and retrieved his bicycle from the side of my house and told he that he would see me in a bit.
I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I went inside and took a shower, shaved and dressed. I was very nervous when I got to Denny’s. Martin was waiting in a booth in the back of the dinning room. As I walked towards booth, he stood up and I barely recognized him. He had on long white pants that were loose yet clinging to and showing off his buttocks and crotch. He had on a white pull over shirt that was decorated with purple, lavender, and pink stripes. Every hair was in place and he was wearing very intoxicating cologne, plus a gold chain around his neck, a gold bracelet, nice watch, and a very impressive expensive ring on each hand. He was the neatest most gorgeous man that I had ever seen. The way he was dressed erased any doubts about his sexual orientation. No straight man would ever be able to dress and look like he did. He shook my hand and we sat down next to each other.
After we placed our food order, I wasted no time in asking him what he knew about me.
He took a hold of my hand and put it under the table. He held my hand while he told me what he knew and how he had obtained the information. He and a co-worker of his who was a private investigator attended a workshop together. I was a guest speaker for one session. Martin and his co-worker were in the audience and Martin was impressed with both my speech and by the way I looked. He had his friend to do a little investigating and what Martin knew about me was basically was that I was gay, where I worked, where I lived, and that I was not out at the office and was very careful about who knew that I was gay. He told me that he could not figure out how to meet me, and knew the way he went about it was strange and foolish.
During and after the meal we talked. Martin told me just enough about himself to intrigue me, and making me want to know more about him. He had traveled abroad both on business and pleasure. He was well educated and a very intelligent man, but I got the impression that some times he did not use common sense. I told him some things about myself. We had no problems in talking to each other.
I noticed that there were people waiting in line to be seated. I used this as an excuse and suggested to Martin to go to my house and continue our conversation there. He agreed and paid the bill for the meals. As we started to leave, he told me that he needed to use the restroom and wanted me to go with him. We were standing at the urinals taking a leak. No one else was in the restroom. When I finished I zipped up my pants and went to the lavatory to wash my hands. He was still at the urinal and I could not figure out why it was taking him so long. I looked over and he had turned towards me and was stroking on the most beautiful penis that I had ever seen.
He smiled at me, and said, “I’m just giving you a preview as to what you will experience later.”
He put his erection back in his pants, zipped them up, put his arm around my shoulder and we walked out of the restroom and headed to our cars. He followed me home.
After we got inside my house, the continuation of out conversation was delayed somewhat. For the next hour and half, we did communicate with very few words spoken, and was done so in my bed with both of us dressed in our formal birthday suits and the only decorations that we had for the party were condoms. That is not to say that only anal sex was involved. There was plenty of foreplay, kissing, fondling, stroking, sucking, and deep throating involved. There was no way that Martin could conceal the fact that he had had a lot of experience and he used his expertise while we had sex. Without a doubt we had the best sex that I had ever encountered. Martin seemed to admire and appreciate my erection as much as I did his. Every time I tried to tell him how much I enjoyed having sex with him, he would interrupt me and tell me how much he enjoyed it.
After we had sex, we propped ourselves up in bed and talked until sometime in the early morning.
I learned that Martin had an aversion to using several words such as “fuck” or “fucking” and “assholes”. He thought the words were vulgar and avoided using them and did not like to hear anyone else using them. He used the words “fornicate” and “anus”, but he did not like the word fornicate but preferred it to fuck or fucking. He also detested the use of pet names for penis. Such words as “cock, pecker, peter, etc.”, were not acceptable to him. He insisted that it was a penis or erected penis. Martin also never used a curse words and looked down on anyone that did especially when using the Lord’s name in vain. I did not get the impression that Martin was a religious fanatic nor did he tell me his religious preference.
Martin had the uncanny ability to answer your question and when he was through you thought that he had adequately answered it. But after you thought about what he had said you did not know anymore than before you asked the question. I had asked him what he did for a living. He talked for five or ten minutes and when he got through I thought I knew what he did, but after thinking about it, I had no idea what kind of work Martin did and knew if I asked him again that he would talk for another five or ten minutes and unless he wanted me to know, he would never tell me.
Martin was extremely interesting person to talk to. He told me a lot about himself and yet there were a few things that he was very mysterious about and kept me guessing. His family was one of them. It was as if he never had a mother or father or any family life what so ever. It was as if he appeared on earth when he was grown and nothing had ever happened to him before then.
After we had talked for a very long time, Martin asked me if he could kiss my penis good night before he went home. Before I could answer him he had bent over and started kissing it. I began to get an erection and he began sucking on it. He moved offering me the opportunity to suck on his at the same time. Sometime later we both had a very gratifying orgasm.
He got up and got dressed and then sat back down on the bed beside me. He tenderly kissed me on my lips and then spent ten or fifteen minutes running his fingers over my entire body without saying anything to each other. He quickly bent over and kisses my limp penis and stood up.
He said, “I’m going to have to get out of here. I have another erection. You just do that to me. I have never known a more sexier man than you.”
I started to tell him again how much I enjoyed having sex with him and he again interrupted me and told me how much he enjoyed it. He told me that he wanted to have sex with me again, but he did not know when that would be. He got dressed and I walked him to the door. He took a hold of my hand and while he was kissing me good-bye he placed my hand on his crotch and he still had an erection in his pants. He backs off from me and headed out of the door to his car.
After he left, I lay in bed and thought about how strange and different Martin was. I had never known anyone like him before. I went to sleep hoping that I would see Martin again.
The following week went by and there was no sign of Martin. I walked home Friday afternoon after work and was hoping that he might be waiting for me at home, but he wasn’t. I was disappointed. I ate dinner, took a shower, I went to bed early. Just before mid-night my telephone rang. I fumbled around trying to turn on the light. The phone had ringed several times before I could pick it up. It was Martin calling.
He said, “Larry, I’m sorry for calling you so late. I just got back into town. Do you have any plans for tomorrow night and Sunday?”
I told him that I had no plans.
He said, “Great. Do you have a tuxedo that you can wear?”
I told him that I did.
“Great. I will pick you up at five o’clock and wear your tux. Have a good night.”
He hung up before I could ask him where we were going.
I was dressed in my tux and was ready to go when Martin picked me up at five o’clock. I asked him where we were going. He was very mysterious and told me that I would know when we got there. We were driving in part of the town that I had never been in before. He made so many turns that I was completely lost. We drove up to this building that had no signs on it. It was a nice looking building in a very nice neighborhood. We went inside and it was a restaurant. Not the ordinary restaurant that I had been accustomed to going. It was a gay restaurant and everyone was dressed either in a tux or suits and ties. It soon became apparent that Martin knew most of the restaurant employees and a few of the customers in the dining room. Even the gay waiters were dressed in tux. So far as I was concerned two of the cutest waiters out of all the others were the ones that waited on our table. They were very well trained and did a superior job in waiting on us. I felt like royalty being waited on like they were doing.
Martin and I tried to talk to each other during and after the delicious meal and wine. I had the feeling that something was bothering Martin, but he was doing his best to cover up his feelings. He went overboard in trying to be cheerful. We communicated more by just looking at each other rather than verbally.
At one time he said, “You are doing it to me again.”
He was smiling and pointing down to his crotch. I knew what he was referring to, and I told him that I had had the same problem all day just thinking about him.
After the main meal they brought us a wonderful dessert and coffee. I have no idea what was in the dessert but it just melted in my mouth. I told Martin how much I liked the dessert.
He smiled at me, and said, “This is just an appetizer. There is more to CUM!”
I don’t think that I have ever eaten a more delicious meal, and I know that I have never had more attentive waiters waiting on my table. Neither one of them were a bit shy in flirting with us and touching both of us in almost a seductive way.
When we had finished the desserts, the waiters were removing the dishes, and Martin said to one of the waiters, “Larry and I have some important business to take care of. Would you please bring me the bill?”
The waiter grinned, looked at both of us, winked and said, “I just bet that you do at that. Do you need someone to take notes at this important business?”
He took off with Martin’s credit card before Martin could answer him. When the waiter returned with the bill, Martin signed the credit card ticket and handed it back to the waiter. He looked at the ticket and thanked Martin for the generous tip. Martin reached up and whispered something into the waiter’s ear. He smiled at Martin and then I saw Martin hand him two one hundred dollar bills. The waiter whispered something to Martin and then grinned at me and left.
I asked Martin what that was all about? He smiled and told me to just wait and see. A few minutes later he got up and helped me out of my seat, put his arm around my neck, and told me that I might just want to call it foreplay. I thought that we were headed to the front door to go home, but he led me through an unmarked door and we were in the employee’s locker room. The two waiters that had been waiting on our table were standing there naked with full erections. Martin looked at me and told me to take my choice. I selected the one that I had been admiring all night. He was as cute and as good-looking naked as he was dressed in his tux.
As soon as I had indicated my choice, Martin knelt down in front of the other one and began sucking on his large penis. I did the same to my choice. I do not know if the two waiters were acting or not, but they convinced me that they were thoroughly enjoying being sucked off and they were in no hurry to give up their loads. I kept looking up at the guy I was sucking. The expressions on his face were a dead give away that I was doing a good job. I kept looking over at Martin and his recipient and they certainly were enjoying their encounter.
The waiter that Martin was administering head was the first to shoot off. Martin suck him dry and then they came over and lint their assistance to cause my waiter to shoot off his cum. The two waiters were passionately kissing each other. I had a hold of his balls and was repeatedly deep throating him. Martin was playing with his nipples with one hand and finger “fornicating his anus” with his other hand. When he shot off, it was so intense that his knees buckled and Martin caught him and helped him sit down on the bench.
While Martin was checking him out to be sure that he was okay, the other waiter came over to me and put the two hundred dollar bills in my pocket and told me to give the money back to Martin that he and his buddy were not prostitutes and had had sex with us because we were attractive and nice men. He offered to give me a blowjob and I told him thanks but that I was saving my load for Martin.
When we got to the car to go home, Martin got behind the wheel and undid his pants and pulled them and his briefs off and put them in the back seat. He then helped me take off my pants and briefs. He had me scoot over next to him before he started the car and started driving home. It felt strange to be driving down the street with a tux coat, shirt and tie on but butt naked from the waist down. As we were playing with each other while driving home, Martin told me that we were just priming up our penises for the big event.
By the time we got to my house, we both were thoroughly primed. In fact so primed that Martin gave me head while still in the car and my penis exploded with such force that even Martin groaned as I released my ample size load into his throat. Then I sucked Martin off until he had a tremendous orgasm. Each of us retrieved our pants and underwear from the back seat. He looked at me and I looked at him. We both knew what each other were thinking. I got the house keys out of my pocket and we took off running from the car to my front door with our still erected penises and nuts flopping in the air. We got inside the door and started helping each other remove the rest of our clothes, which we dropped in a pile on the floor.
We ran to my bedroom and jumped onto the bed. He got on top of me and passionately kissed me for sometime and then we roll over so that I was on top of him and we continued to kiss each other. I don’t know about Martin, but I was primed again and was nearing the boiling over point. The way he was reacting I believe that he was at the same stage as I was. I just laid down on him and held him giving myself time to cool down some. If he or I had touched my penis at this time I would have shot off for sure. I had never been so horny in my life and I had no idea how many times I would have to shoot off before I came back to reality or normal. I could feel his erection jerking between our bodies. I did not know if he might be shooting off or if it were precum that I was feeling on my stomach. I just lay there until his erection quite jerking.
When I got up, he indicated that he wanted us to suck each other off at the same time. For some time it was if we were making love to each other’s penises and testicles. There was more kissing and licking than there was sucking. We were delaying having a climax as long as we could. If either one of us were getting close we would pull our erections out of the other one’s mouths and wait until we had cooled down some before we sucked on each other some more.
We had been giving head to each other for thirty minutes or so.
Martin said, “Hey Larry! Let’s unload and start over again.”
He had barely got my penis back into his mouth and I began shooting off. As soon as I had finished unloading, he began, and the way he was shooting off you would never know that it had been less that an hour before that he had shot off.
We moved so we were propped up in bed beside each other.
He looked over at me, and asked, “What are you thinking about Big Boy?”
“I was thinking about all that good food we had tonight and how cute and good-looking our waiters were.”
“Well I always enjoy the food at that restaurant. Tonight was the first time I have ever sampled the waiters. I must say that they were nice, but I like your penis and the taste of your cum the best. In fact yours is the best that I have ever had.”
“Oh come off of it. Quite handing me all that bullshit….Oh! By the way, one of the waiters gave me back the money that you gave them. It is in my shirt pocket.”
“I didn’t mean to offend them by offering them money, but it would have been well worth it to get to suck on their penises. I do think that they enjoyed themselves. Especially the one you sucked off. Heck, he could not even stand up after you got him off.”
“Martin you said that you were out of town last week. Where did you go?”
There was a long pause, and then he replied, “I’m sorry, but I can’t tell you. There are just some things that I can not talk about.”
“Okay. You seem down in the dumps. Is everything all right?”
“I’m sorry Larry. Tomorrow I will talk to you some and tell you what I can. To be truthful with you things are not all right, but I can’t tell you why. Now let’s talk about our next move. Are you going to let me stick my penis up your rear first or do you want to do me first?”
“Right now I guess that you will have to go first. My penis is still resting and doesn’t want to get up.”
“There is no big rush. We will just let them rest a while, and then prime them again. Mine seems to be asleep too….Have you every had a lover, Larry?”
“No. In my profession I have to be very careful. If it ever came out that I am gay, my career would be over…..How about you? Have you ever had a serious relationship?”
“Never. I have never stayed in one place long enough. Besides, no one wants an ugly penis like mine around for very long.”
I didn’t say a thing, but I leaned over and took his soft penis into my mouth and began to play with it with my tongue.
He put his hand on my back, and said, “Careful or you will wake it up. Some times when it is disturbed from it’s nap, it has a very bad attitude and you have to slap it around to keep it under control.”
I sucked on his soft penis for a considerable length of time, and then I could feel it getting hard in my mouth. I kept on sucking on it until he was a ridged as could be. Martin had already reached for a condom and the lube. He had me turn my rear so he could loosen it up with his fingers and apply lube into my anus. As soon as he had me ready, he slipped on his condom and had me lay down on my back. He picked up my ankles and legs and handed them to me to hold. He mounted me and began to shove his erection in and out of my rectum. He was massaging my prostrate with his penis, which cause me to get a hard-on. I don’t know if he did it as a joke or if for some reason it gave him some kind of kick. But several times he pulled out of me and slapped his erection onto my butt several times before putting it back into me. He also seems to enjoy beating on my erection and slapping it against my stomach.
He had been pounding on my butt for quite some time. The way he was stimulating my prostrate and beating on my erection, I was getting near having another climax.
I yelled, “Give it to me Martin. I’m getting close. Give it to me fast and hard.”
He replied, “Hold on man. I want to cum with you. Just hold on.”
“Okay! But stop beating me off. Just hold on to it….Okay! Tell me when.”
A few moments later, he said, “When Good Buddy! When! Now! Now! I’m cuuuuummmminnnn!!!”
“Me toooooo! I’m cuuuuuummmmminnnn!!”
Martin said, “Holy Cow! That was the best yet. I like it when we cum together. Oh man! You are something else dude.”
I let my legs down and he piled on top of me kissing my lips, cheeks, nose and forehead. Then he laid his head down beside mine and let out a big sigh. I could feel my cum in between our bodies. It did not seem to faze him and at this point I did not care. We lay there for ten or fifteen minutes. I think that both of us had dozed off for a short time.
He got off of me and removed his condom and took it into the bathroom. He got a towel and wiped my cum off of himself and then brought another damp towel and cleaned me up. When he got back in bed with me, he had me lay on my side with my back to him. He snuggled up to me and surprised me when he slipped his erection in between my legs, and the tip of his penis was touching my balls. Minutes later both of us fell asleep.
Mid morning I woke up. Martin had already shaved and was in the shower. I got up and had just started shaving when Martin came out of the shower. Still wet he walked up behind me and put his arms around my waist and was looking over my shoulder into the mirror and was watching me shave. I could feel his penis growing and was pressing against the crack of my buttocks. I spread my legs out and his penis slipped in between my legs and again was touching my balls. While I continued to shave I moved my legs closer together trapping in erection between my legs. Martin began to thrust back and forth stimulating his erection between my legs and at the same time he was stroking my now firm penis, and looking at my reflection in the mirror. We grinned at each other and he continued to tease both of us in this fashion until I had finished shaving.
He backs away from me and slapped my rear. He told me that he was just priming our penis, and then told me to take my shower and to get dressed that he was going to take us out for brunch.
While I was in the shower, he slipped on his tuxedo pants and went out to his car and brought in an overnight bag that contained some casual clothes for him to wear.
We got dressed and went out to eat. Martin was acting even more strange. He was nervous and I knew that some thing was bothering him, but knew that I should not ask him what was wrong. We ate and return to my house. He was very anxious for us to get undressed and go to bed.
For the next two and half hours we made love to each other and had both oral and anal sex. Each of us had had two very gratifying climaxes and were completely sexual gratified. We propped ourselves up in bed next to each other. We did not say anything, but we would just look at each other and smile.
Martin held out his hands in front of me, and asked, “Which of my two rings do you like the best?”
I replied, “Both of them are beautiful.”
“Which one do you like the best?”
I point to one of them. He took it off and put it on my finger, and said, “It’s yours to remember me by.”
“Martin, I don’t understand. This is a very expensive ring. Why are you giving it to me?”
“I want you to have it. There is something that I am going to tell you, and I know that it will not make any sense to you. I just can’t tell you everything. I am going to be catching a plane in a couple of hours and will be flying to the Far East. It is most unlikely that I will ever return to the United States.”
He choked up and looked at me. Tears were running down his cheeks. We put our arms around each other and embraced for several minutes before he broke away and continued.
“I wanted to spend my last hours with you before going abroad. I have several favors to ask of you.
Would you drive me to the airport, and keep my car until I return?”
“Sure! I certainly would be happy to do that.” I replied.
“That’s not all.”
He got off the bed and got an envelope out of his overnight bag. He took off the gold chain from around his neck, then his gold bracelet, and his other ring and put them in the envelope. He sealed the envelope and handed it to me.
“I want you to keep this envelope for me. In the envelope is the title to my car. If I am not back in two weeks, the contents are yours.”
I set the envelope to the side and got on top of him and started hugging and kissing him. I asked, “Martin can you tell me anything else?”
“No. Except where I am going homosexuality is not acceptable at all. Any homosexuals that are caught are put to death or put in prison for life. It is very possible that you will be the last person that I will ever have sex. We will need to leave for the airport in about thirty minutes. I would like for us to perform oral sex on each other for the next fifteen minutes before we have to get dress and leave.”
Martin had just asked me to do the most difficult thing that I had ever done. I was so confused and so upset that I had serious doubts if I would be able to obtain an erection. However, we moved so we could perform oral sex with each other. As soon as Martin obtained an erection I was able to get a hard-on. Both of us were cognizant of the shortage of time and we were making every minute count. I was deep throating him over and over at a rapid tempo. He was doing the same to me. We both were also massaging each other’s prostrates with our fingers. Ever so often both of us would look at our watches. We were both determined that we were going to make each other ejaculate within the time limit that we had. I felt so relieved when Martin started spewing his cum down my throat. I was not even aware that I was near having an amazing satisfying orgasm, and I began depositing my cum into Martin’s eagerly awaiting mouth and throat.
We jump off of the bed. Gave each other a quick kiss and hug. Threw on our clothes. Martin zipped up his overnight bag. I saw his tux pants lying on the floor and asked him the foolish question if he were going to need his tux. He shook his head and told me to keep them for two weeks and then dispose of them. I remembered the two hundred dollar bills in the pocket of my shirt and handed them to Martin. He put them in the pocket of the shirt that I was wearing and told me to keep and use the money. As we got to the front door, he stopped and hugged me and kissed me. He reached down and unzipped my pants and pulled out my soft penis and kissed it and sucked on it for a few moments before he put it back into my pants and zipped them back up.
We got into his car and I drove to the airport. Neither one of us could find words to express how we felt. All the way to the airport, Martin had his hand on my leg or on my crotch. When we got to the airport and had parked, he asked me for the car keys. He took them and opened the trunk. He had three bags that he got out to take with him. I wanted to go inside with him, but he would not let me.
He reaches inside the car to return the car keys. He gave me a quick kiss on my lips and groped my crotch.
He smiled at me, and said, “In the future if some yo-yo follows you home on a bicycle, kick their ass and tell them to get lost.”
He backed away from the car. He adjusted his penis in his pants, grinned and gave me a military salute before stooping down and picking up his bags and walking into the airport.
That was the last time that I ever saw or heard from Martin. Wherever he is, I hope his knows that I think of him and I have never taken the ring he gave me off of my finger.
The End.
The only way that the authors of the stories posted here can know if you have read them or what you thought of them is for you to respond with your comments.
Please, do let us know what you think of these stories. –Thanks
Kevin
Unoponcho
Interesting quotes:
"Great food is like great sex—the more you have the more you want." (Gael Greene)
"In America, sex is an obsession; in other parts of the world it is a fact." (Marlene Dietrich)
"Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got." (Sophia Loren)
"Don't knock masturbation—it's sex with someone I love." (Woody Allen)
"If God had intended us not to masturbate, he would have made our arms shorter." (George Carlin)
"The only reason that I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again." (Erma Bombeck)
"The reason people sweat is so they won't catch fire when making love." (Don Rose)
for sharing your talent.
just kidding I actually like staying in the white house with T & T and their family.
