College Dorm Assignment Help! URGENT!

[JasunStrikesBack]

To the OP, I say "grow up and deal with it". You should just tell your roommate you're gay and learn to become a functioning gay man in America.

Will you? I doubt it. Why? Because so many closeted men want to continue to lie and stay in their comfortable closet. Coming out isn't easy. But you have to do it at some point. Otherwise, you'll end up like many of those on this site that post how lonely they are, and they are in their final year of college yet never have slept with a guy, or revealed their sexuality. *snore* Just look at this site's history and the sheer number of closeted men in their final year or two of school, that are still trying to score with str8 men. It's really pathetic.

OH god, that's so true.

I'm so sick and tired of hearing guys in the closet whine about how some straight guy accidentally gave them some vague sign like "I made a dick joke and he smiled" or something.

Stop being a wuss and come out.

 

[backpacker]

Going to away to school is the perfect opportunity to come out. It doesn't have to be a big deal as you haven't developed any relationships that you fear losing.

You should contact your assigned roommate and let him know that you are gay. Tell him you will be glad to switch rooms if that makes him uncomfortable. Go by what he says in making your decision.

 

[altlover85]

Like I said before, if possible try and come out in your first semester if not right away. The longer you wait the less time you have to be free and be you and the less time you have to build a social network of people that will support you and accept you for you in case your family and friends from home won't do that.

 

[neditesjamais]

You've gotten lots of advice so far. As you can see, the list of pros and cons for the single room (as well as other options you're considering) is long and people come down on both sides. You'll choose one and live through it. We all do.

No one, though, has mentioned something you might not have thought of. Your "possible" roommate is also scared shitless. Everybody is. Starting college is one of the biggest "transition moments" in any person's life--including those who show up the first time at age 48. At one single moment, everything in your life changes. There is not a single aspect of your life that is not altered. It is no wonder every single first-time student is stressed beyond the limits. It's a wonder that as many survive as do.

If you can, sit back for a few minutes and try to imagine what your "possible" room mate might be panicking about right now. Here's a short list I've thought of:

What if my room mate hates me? What if he's always there and I can't jack off when I want to? What if he's really popular and the room is full of his friends all the time? What if he's read my Facebook page and seen all the stupid comments some of my asshole friends have posted and that I don't have the balls to get rid of? What if he finds out that I'm a virgin and I don't have the first clue what to do to change that? How do I do laundry? Where do I get food?

Ok. That's probably getting excessive. But those are exactly the questions that EVERY student is worrying about right now. Some of them will be lucky enough to bump into at least one or two others during their first week who will admit that they're scared shitless, and they'll lean on each other and get through it. Some of those will be room mates they worried about before they met.

You'll be fine.

 

[honooryuu]

i have lived in a dorm for 2 years, and never really had any problems. the first person in my room was never really in the room at the same time as me so it was never an issue, the second roommate was cool with it. i told him in casual conversation one day after his girlfriend asked me if i was gay. i didnt say anything to the last roommate, but im pretty sure he had some clue about it.

i learned when he would and wouldnt be in the room, and planned accordingly. if i wanted to jerk off, i would wait until they had gone to class.

my suggestion is go with the double. you never know what friends you may make, and your roommate may turn out to be a great friend. if it doesnt work, then it shouldnt be a big deal. you can always get switched to a different room if need be, and usually, unless you specifically ask for the same room and he does too, you wont have the same roommate next year.

the last thing you want to do is isolate yourself. the first year of college is always easier to get through when you have someone you can talk to. and i welcomed the occasional party my roommate threw to get my mind off of some school stuff for a little while.

 

[iamtotocool]

Wow! Thank you so much everyone. The amount of responses were staggering and gave me a lot to think about.

I just want to clarify some of the things that were brought up by a few posters:

I do not intend on making my room a loveshack regardless of if I'm in a single or a double. I'm genuinely looking to make studying my #1 priority. I was just worried if I do find someone I end up liking (a boyfriend --not a hookup), the issues that might arise with visitation, but I guess you guys brought up solutions for that issue quite well and there are just some risks with closeted realationships that I will have to accept regardless of my rooming situation.

I also am NOT ready to come out. I understand what some of you are saying about my life becoming easier or that I'll become one of the 20320392 gay closeted guys who think straight guys are coming onto them 24/7 but I can assure you I'm not ready to tell the world and I definitely don't want to chase after straight boys. Coming out is a very personal thing and only I can decide when it's the right time. I know you guys meant well, but now is surely not the time for me.

Also, I realize I kind of came off as a recluse in my initial post, but I'm definitely not one by any means. I'm going to ensure I get out there and party like an animal once in a while, and I definitely will mix and mingle with others regardless. I truly want university to allow me to meet all sorts of individuals and allow me to have tonnes of great experiences so don't worry but thank you again for the pointers!

I kind of also want to let you know that my school isn't really nice about room changes once the school year starts. They have this strict RA mediation phase thing that you have to undergo when a problem arises with your roomie, and the only time they will make the switch is if the situation becomes dire and the roommate refuses to follow the rules set forth in the mediation. It seems like a really shitty thing to have to deal with while you're studying and trying to get used to university life, and makes the case for a single a bit stronger.

EDIT** I forgot to mention that living on residence is only for first year. In my upper years, I plan to move out into off-campus housing. Just thought that might be important to bring up. **

So now that I've cleared some of that up, let me get to what I think of the situation.

I agree with the people that mentioned that this is a nerve-wracking time for everyone going into residence, including me and my roomie so I guess that is what makes the decision so much harder for me. On one end I'm worried about the possibility of living in a hostile environment where I don't get along with him and I'm miserable. I really don't want this as I've lived with this at home for 18 years, and I really don't want a repeat of that. On the other, I see (not a friendship or one of those fraternal bonding things because I think our personalities and likes are completely different) but an experience and the knowledge that I will gain from having lived with a roommate. I also feel like I'm not giving the guy a chance, but at the same time I feel like I know his type and that we won't mesh. I guess with the advent of Facebook and MSN, there are a million things to hate/judge about your roommate before you even know them it's horrible, but true.

I feel horribly confused and I really can't talk to anyone else but you guys about this so I'm sorry for sounding like a whiny asshole.

I think I'm going to sleep on it for one more night and make my final decision tomorrow.

As for everyone that responded, thank you again. You guys have given me a great deal of advice here and a lot of different ways to think about it. Thank you.

 

[asu1117]

Yes, you are making your sexuality WAY too big of a deal here. I'm getting ready to start my Junior year in college and it will be my first year living off campus. So I've had roommates in a dorm two years in a row now.

And seriously, it's NOT bad. I've never had an big issue and both of my roommates were straight. I think you're blowing this way out of proportion.

 

[altlover85]

^ I agree with the gentleman above me.

Can I ask why you aren't ready to come out yet?

Because if you were every going to come out, it's a hell of a lot easier to come out to strangers than people you actually care about.

 

[AlmondMilk]

Dorming is something I would have LOVED to do. Unfortunately, I was attending a private uni, and that was NOT an option, lol. I'm still pretty closeted to a lot of people, but when I went off to uni, I was VERY closeted. I would've stayed in the double. First, it would've been less expensive. Second, the experience. Yeah, there's some trust issues...but... it would've still be interesting.

Eh, honestly, I don't think you hahve anything to worry about. A lot of people I've met were genuine in uni.

 

[rareboy]

I suggest that you have to come out to a potential room-mate prior to moving in with them.

If they say no big deal, then great. If they are uncomfortable, then get out of the situation because with all the other pressure of going to college and trying to do well in your studies, you don't need to be in despair over your housing situation.

 

[altlover85]

I agree that coming out ahead of time would be ideal. I just know that I could see how someone might want to do something like that in person. I'm not really speaking of anyone in particular here, except maybe myself.