College Roomate Selection

[menRsexii]

Okay, so I didnt know where else to put this but I would like some opinions. I have to select a roommate to live with in the dorms for Freshmen year. My question is, before we officially accept eachother's request, should i tell him im gay? if not then, when? Thanks for your time and any answers

p.s. oh btw, the selection is all online, so i dont think ill meet my future roommate (in person) til move in day just fyi.

 

[Ram]

I think you should. It's just being honest.

 

[menRsexii]

Thanks for the really fast replies guys But ya, I understand, it just may be somewhat difficult for me because you see, I'm not out to any one, at all (Just to me).

 

[Ram]

Thanks for the really fast replies guys But ya, I understand, it just may be somewhat difficult for me because you see, I'm not out to any one, at all (Just to me).

You can start with him. After all, he is going to share the apartment with you and has the right to know.

You don't want him to find out by catching you face-deep in someone's hairy arse.

 

[menRsexii]

You can start with him. After all, he is going to share the apartment with you and has the right to know.

You don't want him to find out by catching you face-deep in someone's hairy arse.

haha that's a nice way to put it but yes, i see your point Thank you

 

[T-Rexx]

How does this work?

You scope each other out on line, then decide whether or not you're right for each other?

My college just assigned us randomly to rooms, with floors grouped by our majors. I just happened to get the best damn roommate in the history of roommates.

Too bad he was straight.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>My college just assigned us randomly to rooms, with floors grouped by our majors. I just happened to get the best damn roommate in the history of roommates.

As Freshmen, we just got assigned rooms, too. And I got somebody I would've never chosen. Sometime during the year, we managed to get ahold of our housing forms, to see why they had paired us up. Under music, I had written: "Rock, light rock, heavy rock..." My roommate had written "No rock, please."

Lex

 

[menRsexii]

Well to answer your guys' question, yes we get to choose who are roommate is as long as they agree (obviously). So it's not randomly assigned, unless maybe in rare cases. But the site that shows all potential roommates gives a little description of each person, what they like and dont like and then a way to contact them

 

[volumee]

Tell us how it goes

 

[bma1983]

Well to answer your guys' question, yes we get to choose who are roommate is as long as they agree (obviously). So it's not randomly assigned, unless maybe in rare cases. But the site that shows all potential roommates gives a little description of each person, what they like and dont like and then a way to contact them

Are there pictures too?

 

[menRsexii]

Are there pictures too?

Well yes, for the most part because most list there facebook account on their profile. why? lol

 

[jjonn3]

But do remember - if you put gay on the housing form you will be out - and you should only do this if you are ready for that.

 

[onetwothreefour]

If you all are selecting each other and you are planning to engage in relationships, then I could understand wanting to tell the person ahead of time.

I was taken aback with the comment that he has a "right to know" though. That's possibly because I was randomly assigned a roommate (a Catholic who didn't even believe in condoms let alone the validity of homosexuality), and I did not engage in any relationships and wasn't planning to. I told him years afterward that I was gay (although I don't know how gay you can be without ever having been in a relationship), and he told me he was glad I hadn't told him at the time. I actually think he was gay himself, but that's not important.

Ideally we should live in a world where if you hadn't told your roommate, and he came back to the dorm and saw you with another guy cuddling, it would be a non-event. Or at least on par with you cuddling with a girl. I think that is the ideal way to "come out." To have nothing to show and nothing to hide. I can see how since we don't live in that world, and you are selecting the roommate, and if you are deciding that you are going to be open about who you are and engage in relationships other people will see, I think it could be worth mentioning. But I hope part of it would be for your comfort too so that you realize that there will be no surprises and know that he is accepting of you.

On a slightly related note, I will never understand why colleges think it's a good idea to make people live together (my college had overcrowds with 4 people in a two person room). I always thought just make the rooms half the size and give people singles! There is a lot of drama with roommates whether your same orientation or opposite orientation.

Good luck! It's a different world than even when I was going to college 10 years ago. Although, it was partially where I was from and going to school (in the South).

 

[T-Rexx]

...I will never understand why colleges think it's a good idea to make people live together...

That would be part of the education.

 

[quasar]

If you're only just beginning your 'coming out journey', the last thing you need is to be saddled with a homophobic roomate that will stifle or even prevent your coming out - and thus put you back years.

I think your candidates should know beforehand as you'll know that the ones that accept your offer are not going to be restrictive to your lifestyle as it develops. If they have no issues with your sexuality, then you may well find that you end up with a great friend and support buddy.

Starting university is often the moment when young lives really change. Free from parents, lifelong friends and restrictions it is the time when you finally take control of your own life, and be your true self.

Why should you self-restrict this exciting (and sometimes scary) part of your life. It's your life - now's the time to live it on your terms.

 

[Centexfarmer]

Thanks for the really fast replies guys But ya, I understand, it just may be somewhat difficult for me because you see, I'm not out to any one, at all (Just to me).

Then why come out to a random stranger your first year in College?

You could be more subtle about your room mate preference.

Some one who's open minded, perhaps liberal in their politics and music.

If you can access their Facebook accounts (as you've said that many have provided in their profiles), try to find someone who's "likes" more closely resemble your own.

College is supposed to be about expanding one's mind, and learning about the world.

That also begins with people that you meet, and who you're rooming with.

Best of Luck to you!

 

[Ohiospeedo]

Well then couldn't you select a gay roommate? I think that I remember from my time in college, they asked about sexuality. We didn't have this online roommate selection though, I think that I would have love that!

 

[maxpowr9]

As a former RA at college, I strongly suggest being assigned a random roommate. Having also worked in admissions (stupid Res. Life), they will mostly assign you based on similar interests if you choose randomly (i.e. the interests portion on your application or at your orientation). My frosh roommate was an uptight conservative from NYC but we surprisingly got along even though he knew I had more liberal views and am gay. Honestly, I would wait to at least meet him in person before divulging any personal information. Most schools have a two-week trial period at the beginning of each semester that does not allow you to change rooms. If any problem does arise, you can always go to your "neighborhood" RA for assistance.

 

[Ephemeral]

I would tell him beforehand. I had two interesting experiences with not telling my roommate.

The first one sent me an email saying that we should be Facebook friends. I add him. The next day, he deleted me. I message him. This is how the conversation goes:

Me: Did you delete me?
Him: Yes.
Me: Should I ask why?
Him: No.
Me: Well, whatever the reason, I hope you have a fun time in college.
Him: I just don't feel comfortable sharing a dorm with a homosexual. Blah blah blah...

I was taken aback. I never expected that to happen to me. Luckily, the guy transfered before school even started and I had a dorm to myself for a whole semester....

Until my former roommate moved in second semester. He was conservative, homophobic, and highly religious, but he was polite with his hate. Instead of openly showing it, he just distanced himself from me (minus the times he told me I should convert to Christianity). It was until later in the semester that he told me why he always avoided me. Things got better, but there was still awkwardness.

 

[menRsexii]

My university is like this as well, we were able to select our roommates on-line (it's like a separate function and forum on the school's website). And the dormitory I was planning to stay at, I even informed the dorm's overseer that I was gay and suggested for them to room me with someone gay-friendly.

And I wasn't completely out at the time either. But I was damned if I was going to share the same space with some stranger who truly despised gays. At least at home with my parents, I knew what type of brand of homophobia I'll be receiving. I wasn't taking any chances with someone I didn't know.

^Ya, good point. I hope it all works out where I can have an open-minded roommate that won't judge...