Come out as a gay who love oldermen?

[delodelo]

Hi, first of all i want to say thank for you all even though this is kind a my first post here but i've been reading from this community a lot and it's just feel like we have a great community here, ok here's my most wondering question right now.

1. Do you think it's harder to coming out of the closet not only gay but a gay who love oldermen? (or daddy etc) i mean I'm being honest with you I'm still in the closet but i think people around me (mainly family) know that I'm gay, the real problem for me, thing I'm scared the most of is how they going to react when i tell them not only that I'm gay but i likes oldermen like same age to my parents, especially when I'm living in third world country it's kind a makes me worried to be honest...

2. Do you think long distance relationship going to work? (not planning to do one but just curious)

3. How much age gap difference going to affect this kind of relationship?

Ps. Sorry for my terrible English, thank you a lot XD

 

[kallipolis]

Age difference should not be a concern for you, or an older partner for love is blind to a number on a birth certificate.

Academic evaluations on matters of human loving relationships are futile, for it is only through the experience of loving another person that the questions you raise here can be answered.

Never be fearful of being yourself, for fear destroys ones capacity to love another human being.

Be true to your self, enabling you to live in freedom to become all that you dream of being.

 

[tarallucci]

Hi, your english is good

1. I think it is a bit harder to be accepted yes, I guess it would be like coming out twice. Do you know your parents' thought about homosexuals? I would be careful anyway, especially given that you live where people might judge you...
2. I would recommend to avoid a long distance relationship.
3. The age gap will actually be a problem as the young person gets older for various reasons, however, I wouldn't go past the 30 years limit if possible.

 

[TX-Beau]

I think it depends, if you're just into guys who are older, that's going to get one reaction, but if what you're after is some serious daddy/boy fetish thing, that's probably going to be entirely different.

Long distance relationships work or don't work depending on the context, there is no one answer.

If you're comfortable with the guy, who the fuck cares what other people have to say about his age?

 

[mcbrion]

Do you feel to need it would be in your best interests to come out and announce who you want to date at the same tim yo come out of the closet? the announcement of being gay is enough information. If your family then sees you dating older men, you can simply say you've found them to be more stable/interesting/kindhearted or however you wish to explain it.
Be careful about getting ahead of yourself. You can make yourself ill just having to come out of the closet. I can see you're of a different culture, and you seem concerned about telling your family who you will be dating. Can we ask what culture you are from and is it frowned on for anyone - men OR women - to date someone much older? It's easier, when one knows you are not American (and have different customs) to offer advice when there's another culture involved, since people's perspective will need to be adjusted before they can be helpful to you.
As for the age thing: Nobody can tell you that just yet without knowing what culture is involved. And as for long distance, if language is not a barrier, and the other person admires and appreciates your culture (and it's not just based on lust), then you have a better chance of making things work.

I wish you well: you are being brave coming out, if I'm reading this correctly. Are you from the Far East community or have I misread the way you are using English?

 

[Seasoned]

Your English is very good. Welcome to this forum. I hope your coming out journey is one that is joyful, peaceful and safe! I also hope you will find, if you haven't already, the support and companionship of gay friends.

Is one of the reasons you are looking for a "daddy" your need to feel safe and protected? If so, I believe my comments to you would be different than if you said it's not about that.

In any case, you are asking about a two-stage process, coming out as gay, and introducing a considerably older man as your partner. Why not take this a step at a time?

 

[delodelo]

Hi, thank you all of you guys a lot for giving me a great advice i will try taking your advice to great use for answering your questions

1. About where i live, Actually I'm in southeast asia, Thailand to be exact, about the society in Thailand i guess being gay is fine but being gay who love a man who much older than you is probably not looking good since it kind a make everyone feels like you're a money boy or something like that and the age gap difference for most of people probably think it's insane and never going to work (just my assumption though)

2. About love oldermen because it's feel safe, I guess that's probably one of the main reason why i like oldermen it's just feels safe, comfortable around them as they're more mature, being a real adult that i can talk pretty much everything without getting bashing back but i think i can't answer this question 100% confident since I've never been in a relationship with any real oldermen yet but if I'm fantasize about it then yes it's a main reason

Thank you again you guys are really nice XD

 

[mcbrion]

Hi, thank you all of you guys a lot for giving me a great advice i will try taking your advice to great use for answering your questions

1. About where i live, Actually I'm in southeast asia, Thailand to be exact, about the society in Thailand i guess being gay is fine but being gay who love a man who much older than you is probably not looking good since it kind a make everyone feels like you're a money boy or something like that and the age gap difference for most of people probably think it's insane and never going to work (just my assumption though)

2. About love oldermen because it's feel safe, I guess that's probably one of the main reason why i like oldermen it's just feels safe, comfortable around them as they're more mature, being a real adult that i can talk pretty much everything without getting bashing back but i think i can't answer this question 100% confident since I've never been in a relationship with any real oldermen yet but if I'm fantasize about it then yes it's a main reason

Thank you again you guys are really nice XD

Please be careful about your assumptions that "older" means "mature." To automatically believe that is a form of fantasy. Now, that might be true, but there are just as many men who are simply old without being the least bit mature. So, going out with a man simply because he's older? You're headed for disaster. Learn to ask important questions about his past relationships, and why they ended. And is he still on good terms with his ex (es)? That is a critical question, and if you were in therapy, the therapist should, at one time or another, ask you about that.
Now, your culture is different than American, as I suspected, so the warning I put may not apply to men in your country. Don't' foget that most of the people responding to you are likely American, and our culture is VERY different from Thailand's ( you have a beautiful country, but customs vary from here). Still, the seeking out older men simply because they're older might end up with you meeting unsavory men, and it seems you're already concerned with how others will perceive it.
Address your coming out first, and leave the "older men" part unspoken. It is not necessary until you know how your being gay will be received. Coming out is sometimes difficult: don't complicate things. WHO you want to date is your business, and besides, unless there's a guy you haven't mentioned, then you're getting ahead of yourself. ONE step at a time.

 

[delodelo]

Please be careful about your assumptions that "older" means "mature." To automatically believe that is a form of fantasy. Now, that might be true, but there are just as many men who are simply old without being the least bit mature. So, going out with a man simply because he's older? You're headed for disaster. Learn to ask important questions about his past relationships, and why they ended. And is he still on good terms with his ex (es)? That is a critical question, and if you were in therapy, the therapist should, at one time or another, ask you about that.
Now, your culture is different than American, as I suspected, so the warning I put may not apply to men in your country. Don't' foget that most of the people responding to you are likely American, and our culture is VERY different from Thailand's ( you have a beautiful country, but customs vary from here). Still, the seeking out older men simply because they're older might end up with you meeting unsavory men, and it seems you're already concerned with how others will perceive it.
Address your coming out first, and leave the "older men" part unspoken. It is not necessary until you know how your being gay will be received. Coming out is sometimes difficult: don't complicate things. WHO you want to date is your business, and besides, unless there's a guy you haven't mentioned, then you're getting ahead of yourself. ONE step at a time.

I will try to be careful, actually i heard a lot of story about older doesn't mean he's going to be "mature" too that's kind a scary but i guess i have to try asking or even meeting someone first and see how it goes i'm not in rush of finding someone or anything just try to find the right one i guess and i will try one-step at a time thank you a lot

ps. i don't have anyone yet now i'm studying and kind a want to focus but yeah i think i will try to talk about coming out soon (one-step at a time like you guys suggest) reason is it's just annoyed me a lot lately hiding and stuff ,actually i never met or even talk to anyone in like lover kind a way just have one crush for someone but i never told him (he's straight and already have family so i don't want to ruined that) i kind a have really shy first and talkative later after know each other personality which i guess makes thing a bit harder.

anyway thank you for all of you guys giving me a great advice it's really nice

 

[syoBsUtsuJ]

All the advice given so far is exemplary, and I commend my peers herein. Love is love, and the heart knows what it wants. I am reminded of the hottest of hotties that had everyone and his brother hitting on him, but he never accepted any advance, because he was and I quote, "A Chubby-Chaser." Three weeks after my fervent attempt to woo him, he showed up at the club blissfully in love with some guy that was in excess of 400lbs. He is still with him, and trust me, he could have anyone.

Age, weight, ethnicity, or even circumcision-status are irrelevant where the heart is involved. Lol ... you have me wishing I were 10 or 15 years older, LOL, and that's quite an accomplishment for any gay!