Coming on too strong?

[nfgsd87]

So I posted this on another forum, but have gotten no responses. So I thought I would post on here, because you guys generally seem to respond honestly. I usually just read these forums, but Thought I would get some other peoples input.

So there is this guy I started talking to at the end of december. Things were going great and we were interested in eachother He would invite me out to meet him or have drinks and whatnot, but I would decline because I'm kinda shy, and I was also busy at times. One day we had made plans to finally meetup and get some pizza or something. I was totally down for it and was looking forward to finally meeting him. So we text in the am about having lunch later and I had no problem with that. I had happened to be buying a new car that morning, so I was unable to respond to some of his text messages during that two hour process. I apologized to him and let him know that I was still interested and he said everything was okay. Apparently they weren't. He slowly started to not respond anymore so that was that.

Well about a week ago I was on grindr (I know not a good place to meet guys) and I see this guys profile. He didn't have a facepic, but I still went ahead and messaged him, and said I like dates as well (bc thats what his profile said). We started talking and we were like "I know you". So we start texting again and finally meet up after he got off work at 1130 at a bar. He was great, just like his pictures and whatnot. We talked and ate and I thought things were good. I text him the next day asking him if he was still interested, and he said "yeah, your just kind of quiet and reserved" (Something that I'm working on, he is very outgoing which is nice). So I ask him when hes free and he said he was pretty busy this week. He said friday after 8 pm would work. So I tell him sure, I'm off at 9. Maybe we can grab something to eat/see a movie etc. So I also sent him a picture bc I just got my haircut and he responded. Then two hours later I ask him if friday worked for him. Then he replies "he's going downtown if I want to join." So I respond what time, where. He doesn't respond back. I message him on grindr and he responds the next morning that he also is going to a gay bar down there. I say sure i'll go.

So later on I text him whats up? he just responds "sup" So I just say that I'm working and how did his day go yesterday. He responds a few hours later that he is trying to get chores done

I said nice, I just got home as well, I can help you.

he says lol thanks for the offer.

So I respond I'm serious lol. Im trying to be more spontaneous, plus I'm good at cleaning

He responds Ha, I'm good but thanks

So I say "aw ok. I'm just trying to get to know you but its kind of hard because you don't respond that much"


So that was yesterday. I feel like writing him a message apologizing for coming on too strong, and hopefully he will give me a chance. I know everyone needs their space and time, and I respect that. I just got a little excited, finally meeting him after all those months. He's a good looking guy, has his own place and car, and isn't a slut, and was pretty nice.

I don't know what I should do at this point. Should I just not say anything, and see if he responds, or send him that message? Or wait til tomorrow (friday) and ask him if he still wants me to go with him to downtown? Sorry this was so long

 

[anchihiro]

Maybe he just wants a shag and feels maybe you're after more.

Maybe after meeting you he was not so keen and taken aback by your quiet nature thinking this wont work out.

I'd just leave it instead, and let him come to you if he is still interested.

 

[looseliam]

It sounds to me that he isn't that all interested.

Dial it back a bit and see where it goes from there.

But as for the initial question, I would say yes, you are coming on a bit strong. If someone I have just met texts me that often, I'd be a bit creeped.

 

[nfgsd87]

well when we first started talking, he would text me a lot. I guess maybe he is probably not that into me, which sucks. Should I sent him an apology message? Thanks for the responses

 

[deejay1112]

It does sound a bit too strong, but if you are still interested in the fella then I suggest maybe taking control of the situation by inviting him out to a bar with yourself and a few friends. That way, you'll be more outgoing because you're out with friends, and hopefully he'll be more up for some face-time rather than texting. Personally, I don't reply to texts very often but I don't mean any offence by it. Usually it's either down to low credit, or just not having the time to text-chat all day. Anyway, best of luck.

 

[looseliam]

well when we first started talking, he would text me a lot. I guess maybe he is probably not that into me, which sucks. Should I sent him an apology message? Thanks for the responses

Well, if he was the one doing all the texting, perhaps that could be a red flag.

Don't apologize. Just let it go.

+1

Not to be a kill-joy, but this may be one of many encounters that end this way.

Please, please, PLEASE, don't let it get you down or make you jaded. Trust me.

And hey, come 'round here more instead of your "another forum".

 

[TX-Beau]

Here's the thing, the only people you see and talk to all the time, every day are people who you know well.

If you promote a guy you just met to that, you're coming on too strong. If you made plans for say Friday, It's fine to call on Thursday to finalize, but not several times every day of the week just to chat.

You just met him, and if you're that interested in doing his chores with him, that's kinda creepy and stakerish. Not that you are, a stalker that is, but I'd probably be wondering why you call/text/communicate with this guy - me - you just met all the time, want to come over and clean my house, and that would lead me to wonder if you had your own life.

Successful dating starts with reasonable expectations. I like the advice above, It was one of my favorite strategies, avoid the sitting by the phone bullshit altogether, in the beginning, invite him to go out with your friends.

If things look up, there are a thousand and one opportunities over the course of a Saturday night to ditch the crowd, if things go nowhere, everyone can still have a good time, everyone saves face, and if he stands you up, you're not left bitching at home by the phone, all dressed up with nowhere to go.




About texting, one of the fastest ways to piss me the fuck off, is to pester me with a thousand texts about trivia all the damn time.

Texts are fine for coordination in my book, but if you want to talk to me, push the other button right next to the text one and actually talk to me dammit.

Since one would feel silly calling me every 5 minutes for no apparent reason, why doesn't one feel silly just because they've switched media?

It's been my experience that most texts are not about anything other than the person sending it was bored.

Not everyone is like me of course, but guys like me are out there.

 

[nfgsd87]

Thanks for the input guys. I guess I was coming on a bit strong. i guess I should just give him space. I kind of want to send an apology letter, but don't want to bug him at the same time.

 

[TX-Beau]

Forgot, you're going to go through a lot of guys probably before you click with one, we all did, that's normal, so long as you don't hit 30 having rejected every guy for not being good enough - different syndrome.

The other thing is about hints. If someone tells me in any communication media that he's trying to get his chores done, that immediately flags in my head that he doesn't want to talk at the moment.

Whether he was doing any chores or not in reality, I'd immediately back off.

 

[TX-Beau]

Sweet Jesus, don't send him an apology letter, you didn't do anything wrong. You just got a little overeager.

Sending an apology for that will make you look creepier, not more sane.

 

[nfgsd87]

haha okay. I just wanted to let him know how I feel, like I wasn't trying to come on as strong as I did, but it happened, and that I would back down so that he is more comfortable

 

[TX-Beau]

Look, guys who are interested in you will come to you. It can't be one sided, you've done your part, now it's up to him. If he likes you, he will call/text/whatever. If he doesn't, you have a resolution, one that sucks, but resolution none the less.

In the meantime, don't sit around waiting, go out with someone else, hang out with your friends, hell write the great American novel, just don't sit around wondering.

 

[maxpowr9]

I hate all these petty games people play with courting. If you have an interest in someone, say something. I would rather have someone say "Thanks but not interested" than lie/passive-aggressive BS like "I can't talk cause I'm 'busy' ".

There is such a thing of coming on too strong though. I think we all have done it a few times in our life when dating. I know I have and it can be hard to hold back feelings about them initially. Most people don't like to go from 0 to 60 in a week in a relationship.

 

[nfgsd87]

lol thanks for the advice. I know everyone is different. If someone is interested in me and I am interested in them back, then I look forward to getting texts from them and whatnot, but thats me I guess. Anyway if he isn't well sucks for him lol. I know I'm a good guy, and would be an awesome bf to someone someday