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Coming Out as Bi-sexual

MissAnne

MissAnne

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Hey, guys. Im trying to come out as bi-sexual to the family and I know that it will confuse and perhaps trouble some folks.

I know that the general thoughts on bi-sexuals is that they are perverted, greedy people, which makes me feel horrible ( I know that Im not that way). I have received some great advice from one Jubber and was hoping that perhaps others would have some advice for me as well ?

It would be much appreciated. I can't go another year like this. I feel like Im dying. (Not literally of course, its just overwhelming).
 
I will give you the best advice someone once gave me...It is pretty much my entire foundation now in life....

....Never let anyone else define you....

Coming to terms with ourselves and the people around us is a never ending process but in the end you need to be true to yourself and if you can do that...you will always be fine(*8*)
 
eastofeden said:
I will give you the best advice someone once gave me...It is pretty much my entire foundation now in life....

....Never let anyone else define you....

Coming to terms with ourselves and the people around us is a never ending process but in the end you need to be true to yourself and if you can do that...you will always be fine(*8*)
Click to expand...

Thank you East, that is helpful...I will try to keep that with me. (*8*)
 
MissAnne said:
Hey, guys. Im trying to come out as bi-sexual to the family and I know that it will confuse and perhaps trouble some folks.

I know that the general thoughts on bi-sexuals is that they are perverted, greedy people, which makes me feel horrible ( I know that Im not that way). I have received some great advice from one Jubber and was hoping that perhaps others would have some advice for me as well ?

It would be much appreciated. I can't go another year like this. I feel like Im dying. (Not literally of course, its just overwhelming).
Click to expand...

Coming out is not about them so much as you. You not only had to realise the scope of your own attraction, you had to sort through all the preconceptions and assumptions before you could confidently (or perhaps just cautiously) claim the "bi" label for yourself. Your journey will in some ways predict theirs. What does it mean to you? What fears or assumptions did you let go of? What discoveries did you make? Some of that is probably okay to share with your family. Some of it can be shared in time. And some of it, like all of our sexuality, gay, bi, straight, probably doesn't apply to their need-to-know.

I think the simplest thing is to not use the label, but just get to the outcome:

"You know, when I think about who I could fall in love with, I don't always assume it's going to be a guy any more."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I think one day when I meet Mr. Right, he might not be a Mr."


Option A)
  • "What are you saying? When did this happen?"
  • "LOL it didn't happen...I've always kind of known...maybe I just never put it into words until recently. Anyway it's not a big deal...." etc. healthy conversation etc. etc.

Option B)
  • "OHMYGOD! The Baby JESUS just threw up in his mouth! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??" I can't believe this! Do you know what those people are like??!!! And you want to be one of them???" yadda yadda.
  • "Oh, I'm not having this conversation like this. You're spewing a bunch of cruel and hateful nonsense, and unless you calm down and apologise, I'm out the door until you do." and then do it.

Option C)
  • "the world is ending..." yadda yadda weeping guiltful nonsense
  • "Okay, I'm fine. I'm having a good life. I haven't changed. My hopes and dreams are still all there. I just know myself better and now so do you."

"Perverted" is often just a slur that people apply to someone who is open-minded and who has a healthy sexual curiosity. But family members really don't need the details, so it will always be a mystery to them. Or at least you have every right to keep it that way if they have a fit of judgemental bi-phobic presumptuous nosiness. Feel free to tell them it's none of their business what you do in bed. Once in a while I have mocked statements like that by exceeding them. "Yup. I'm a better cocksucker than you could ever hope to be, and I can get fucked simultaneously by two of the most hung guys you've never met, while another spit-roasts me up top. And that's just Tuesday night."
 
WOW, bankside. Thank you so much for that response. I wish that I had read this last night. I actually came out to a family member last night around 3am, after a failed "coming out" to my mother happened that afternoon. I was so discouraged that it kind of came out in a note and tears followed. Dramatic. Drama, drama, drama.

Im too hard on myself and it isn't a big deal. All my stress was worrying about what other people would think of me. Thank you again, I shall use your first conversation in the future. (*8*)

Im feeling better today. I dont know what was wrong with me yesterday. I apologize for the language in the OP.
 
:) most of all congratulations on coming out, even with the drama. :)

All those conversations can start out the same way. My experience is the person you're coming out to will decide whether they go A, B, or C. Then it's just a matter of matching your response to what they do with it.

Oh, I forgot D: Wow! That's great news! I'm happy for you!
 
bankside said:
:) most of all congratulations on coming out, even with the drama. :)

All those conversations can start out the same way. My experience is the person you're coming out to will decide whether they go A, B, or C. Then it's just a matter of matching your response to what they do with it.

Oh, I forgot D: Wow! That's great news! I'm happy for you!
Click to expand...

LOL, Thank you! It feels really good to be able to talk about it with someone I love. I appreciate your support. (*8*)
 
Keep your head up, it kinda gets me upset when people hate on bi's this is a problem even among gay guys. I dated a bi guy for a bit and my mom was asking questions like is he sure and stuff. I think some people find it easier to accept being gay than being bi.

I think it's gonna take a while for dinner people to wrap their heads around it, some might even tell you to stick to one, or give you bigoted nonsense. Just ignore them and try to teach and remove ignorance from the world.

Just think technically the bible says Adam AND Eve not Adam OR Eve you're just following orders lol. I just gotta work on the Eve part.
 
dragon08 said:
Keep your head up, it kinda gets me upset when people hate on bi's this is a problem even among gay guys. I dated a bi guy for a bit and my mom was asking questions like is he sure and stuff. I think some people find it easier to accept being gay than being bi
Click to expand...

Yes I get that, Someone told me that I was perhaps "Anne Heche-ing it". Which hurt my feelings and then they apologized. I know what people think about her. Its silly though, would Anne Heche's feelings seem more authentic if she had married a woman after breaking up with Ellen ?

Anyway. Ive decided that I am emotionally and sexually attracted to men and women...and its really no one's business but my own....and it doesn't matter what other people think of me and I will not let other people's misconceptions about bi-folk depress me anymore.


Thank you for your support dragon08. I so appreciate it. !(*8*)

You guys really have no idea how much this helps.
 
You are making their problem your problem. Stop. You are letting them set your course - decisions only you can make. They will come around; or, you will recognize the shallowness of the feeling for you.

It is their problem: let them deal with it in their own way. You: follow your path.
 
palbert said:
I do not mean be confrontational or in your face in your dealings with others. You can be matter of fact or "that's me" without escalating to "screw you".
Click to expand...

I know, honey....Im not really a "screw you" person anyway :) I just meant that Im not going to let it bother me anymore.
 
I wonder why you think people will perceive you as "perverted" and "greedy?" In the eyes of many close-minded people, yes I suppose "perverted" is how anyone who isn't exclusively heterosexual is viewed.

"Greedy?" Why, because you might be siphoning off eligible men AND women?

Bisexuals experience a lot of negativity from gay guys, many of whom believe that every bisexual is gay and in denial. So be prepared for some of that backlash.

I can only endorse what earlier posters have said: live your own life and don't waste too much energy fretting about how others will judge you. It is their problem, not yours.
 
hi MissAnne,

Good to hear you have set some steps to let people around you know that you are bi. I agree with others that you should indeed not bother about the problems 'other people' have with persons who are bi.

I don't mind at all (I am a gay guy), and I am quite sure there are loads of people in my country (= The Netherlands) who have the same opinion.

I would like to give you an example from The Netherlands. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ireen_Wüst is a very famous speed skater (see also http://nl.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ireen_Wüst ). For several years, anyone thought that Irene was a lesbian, as http://nl.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sanne_van_Kerkhof was her partner (shorttrack speed skater). No big deal in The Netherlands. At a certain moment, it turned out that Irene had a new partner, a guy. Again no big deal, she just told the presss (but almost no interest from the press) that she also liked guys.

You might as well tell people that its not a big deal / not a secret (etc.) that you are bi. So people can tell others, and very soon you don't bother anymore who knows that you are bi (or not).

Take care and good luck.
 
Ganoderma said:
hi MissAnne,

Good to hear you have set some steps to let people around you know that you are bi. I agree with others that you should indeed not bother about the problems 'other people' have with persons who are bi.

I don't mind at all (I am a gay guy), and I am quite sure there are loads of people in my country (= The Netherlands) who have the same opinion.

I would like to give you an example from The Netherlands. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ireen_Wüst is a very famous speed skater (see also http://nl.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ireen_Wüst ). For several years, anyone thought that Irene was a lesbian, as http://nl.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sanne_van_Kerkhof was her partner (shorttrack speed skater). No big deal in The Netherlands. At a certain moment, it turned out that Irene had a new partner, a guy. Again no big deal, she just told the presss (but almost no interest from the press) that she also liked guys.

You might as well tell people that its not a big deal / not a secret (etc.) that you are bi. So people can tell others, and very soon you don't bother anymore who knows that you are bi (or not).

Take care and good luck.
Click to expand...

Thank you Ganoderma. I just Googled Ireen. I have never heard of her, but I am glad to learn about her now.

I appreciate your support. (*8*)
 
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