Coming Out at work...good idea or bad idea?

[JeanLuc80]

I've worked for a big retailer (think Red) for 3 years. I'm one of the lead managers that oversees about 130 people on a weekly basis. I've recently come up for a promotion that will eventually lead to me getting my own store in the next year or two. The trouble I have is whether or not to be upfront about my sexuality. I have maintained a strict professional relationship with all my employees from day one. I'm probably the most well-liked out of the managers because I balance friendly and firm very well. The problem is that many people have questions about me because I don't really discuss my personal life. It's like this weird mystique because I'm their boss and they want to know more about my human side.

I don't like lying because I have to remember what I said and I feel like I'm disrespecting my boyfriend of 5 years. The only problem I run into is when the the really aggressive employees ask to see pictures of recent trips I've taken, etc. Every store manager I've met has pics of their family in their office and the employees always asking about it.

My friends tell me I should remain private unless I want to be only known as the gay manager or lose clout. I've only come out to one person, a peer manager of mine, and she'll play alibi to seeing me with my "girlfriend" outside of work.

I just don't know how the diverse employee base (teens, moms, baby boomers, religious people, etc) will view or handle it if I ever choose to confirm some of the rumors. In past jobs, I've been the worker bee and didn't care about being out and proud. I guess now because I'm THE leader and model a lot of things I have concerns, fears, etc.

Thoughts? Advice? Experiences? Because its late, I'm adding a poll just for fun!

 

[G-Lexington]

You're gonna have your own fucking store. At that point, I'd say you're secure enough to be as upfront as you want. You don't have to tell people "I'm a power bottom". Just do exactly what everyone else does. "My girlfriend and I saw that movie last night." "Really? My partner and I really want to see it. Was it any good?" You're not shoving it in their face, you're not making a big deal about it. You're just being social the way everyone else is. Will people talk about it? Probably. But if you don't treat it like a secret, they won't treat it like a secret.

Lex

 

[JeanLuc80]

Thanks for your input Lex. Before I joined JUB and was just lurking, I always enjoyed your posts because you share your sensible opinions with no BS.

 

[TX-Beau]

If you turn this into a secret that must be kept then you have to live with keeping it. Once they find out you've lied, you're just that scared faggot.

I had my first job in a firm that was incredibly conservative and good old boy, there was only one woman who wasn't answering phones. I almost went the hide direction. But then I didn't, and maybe there were people who were prejudiced, but business was business and I was enough of an asset that they ultimately didn't give a fuck.

People may not like that you're gay, but they'll hate you far more and respect you far less if you hide, and then they find out, and they will find out.

 

[JeanLuc80]

TX, you think its too late if I've already used the term girlfriend with some employees? Any chance of saving face?

 

[Yooper]

Lex has good advice.

I'm subscribing to this because I just re entered the Retail world after a 15 year absence. Previously I did it for 10 years. (I'm an antique in the Gay World. )

Way back when, it was more of 'Don't Ask Don't Tell' but fairly obvious who was Gay and who was not. Retail always has been a 'safe' venue for Gay Men, to some extent.

A quarter century later (told you I was old), after sitting through 6 hours of 'training', it is clear to me the message has changed ('It's OK to be Gay') but am not entirely convinced it 100% OK. Middle Management? Not a problem. Upper Management? It still appears a Male that wants Upper Management is going to have to be careful. Just a feeling.

I'm hedging my bets and still referring to my partner of 20+ years as a 'housemate.' For now anyway.

If they offer me a management position in Hawaii, though, all bets are off.

 

[texan_slant]

Lex gave good advice if you casually let it into your conversations.

....on the other hand, with professional relationships, it is really none of their business, either. My mantra is that you also don't necessarily have to tell anyone unless *you want to*.

I've never been out at work; been in the working world for twenty years, and I've never felt the pressure to let it be known.

 

[spencer]

Wear your company logo on your ass and just go to work one day

Here's an easy easy tell. If your company health insurance has domestic partnership, then by all means. Retail places hire homosexuals all the time. My gay friend is manager at a Chipotle. CEO of Progressive insurance is gay. Specialty shops and clothing stores of course hire gay men.

 

[JeanLuc80]

My company does have insurance for domestic partners. The advice in this thread seems to have a pro stance but the the poll is 50/50! Ahh, the indecision and stress of it all

 

[Yooper]

I didn't vote in the poll because there isn't an option for how I operate.

Remember I'm old so it might be different.

I don't address the issue because for me it is a non issue. I can't change the color of my skin, nor can I change my sexual orientation.

If I am talking about my personal life and I refer to my partner, I generally refer to him as my 'housemate.' It is nobody's damn business what I do with my housemate. Sometimes I refer to my Partner but this is rare.

If I'm asked about my wife, I answer honestly, I'm not married. Because I can't do that (yet).

Those that can add two and two together, figure it out on their own. If they can't figure it out without the direct 'Are you Gay?' question, I really don't need their friendship anyway.

I just don't see the need to stand on a ladder and shout 'Hey, everyone, I'm Yooper and I'm Gay, Suckers!'