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Coming Out & Awkwardness between me & my dad.

Lube

Lube

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The sooner you're financially independent of them, the better.

Live your own life. Be proud of who you are. You are among friends here.
 
Because they told you to change, they pretty much told you to remain in the closet since it's not possible to change. Therefore, do just that. You know you came out to them and if they want to live in denial, that's their business. Keep the topic off the table. Know who you are at all times. Use your room as your safe place. Insist on privacy there. I'm sorry you have to live under these conditions. Your parents have made a grave mistake and one which will haunt them.

San Francisco? OMG! Good for you. Your parents have to be out of body.

You are likely going to be on an emotional roller-coaster. I hope you have some good friends to help keep you grounded. In any case check in often here and consider pming anyone you connect with. There is a whole community on your side.

Again, I'm so sorry your parents are unsupportive.
 
Are you using a PC at home to access the internet coz that would not really be advisable. Just remember to delete your browsing history afterwards so your parents wont find anything if they snoop around. In the meantime I guess you have no choice but to play it cool
 
You can't change your parents' viewpoint no more than you can change your orientation. Living in a religious home probably made it a little harder for you to accept your sexuality and by the same token it may take them a long time to come around. There is a sad possibility that they never will, however I think you should give them the time and space they need to understand that you are their son regardless of who you sleep with. Leave the ball in their court for now and proceed with your life and career plans. Concentrate on those because they are the keys to your independence. I think you have the right idea in flying under the radar at home until you can get out. Best of luck to you man. (*8*)
 
hi IMAaron,

Good you have told your parents that you are gay. Please be aware that they have a huge problem right now. So its not you who has a problem. You told us that they are reli-fundi christians. Well, most of such people are brainwashed, and that means its tough / impossible to change their mind. So also useless to spend (much) time in debating with them.

Let them think what they think and go on with building on your future. So don't discuss with them, and think about next year when you will move to San Francisco. It seems to me that you will meet alot of nice fellow-students (and other gay people) when you will do a major Music & Sound Design, Fashion, & Art in a city like SF.

Besides that, you also have to realize that you must give your parents some space & time to get used to the idea that they have a gay son. So maybe their ideas / opinions about you will change after a certain amount of time. I have no idea. All is depending on their religious background / viewpoints (etc.).

How about your current friends / schoolmates (etc)? Are you also open to them? Definately, there are alot of people on J U B who can also help you with all kind of advice.

Feel free to react & best wishes.
 
Stay true to yourself and don't listen to any negativity. Stay connected here or anywhere else people are telling you that you are ok. Homosexuality is normal for a minority of people since the beginning of time. I'd even reframe that thought you have about your family. You are the first out relative. You have no way of knowing if you are the first gay relative. I lived the first 35 years of my life closeted. Who knows how many have lived a lifetime that way? The important thing is that you're out to yourself and you did the honorable thing with your parents. No matter what never forget you're exactly the person you're supposed to be. Find your sanctuaries.
 
Hi Aaron,

Thanks for your friendly reply and for the additional information. Its very good that your closest friends are helpful and supportive. Their attitude means that they are really friends. It seems to me that your cousins also don't bother that you are gay. Am I right? Well, then it's only the senior members of your family who have problems. So just go on with building a network of understanding friends and relatives, and just don't bother about homophobe/bigotted people (being members of your family or other people). I mean, you can be yourself when you are together with your friends and with your cousins, and that are the things which are counting.

Being open and relaxed to your cousins might also lead to debates of your cousins with their parents (=your uncles and aunts). So good to be open to anyone = you don't bother who is aware that you are a gay guy. Simply ignore homophobes/bigotted people, and you are already aware that many straight people of around your age don't bother that some guys are gay.

Good luck & take care
 
@IMAaron just out of interest are you an only child? I am also glad you got over your discrimination in high school, I also experienced the same
 
The key point here is to not let their bigotry confuse you. Their opinion of you and who you should be doesn't change who you are and what you're worth. You're not less for being gay. You're more. More than THEM for sure. You have the potential to grow out of the bondage of bigotry, and into a strong, open-minded and tolerant individual that would make anyone proud if they had eyes to see.
 
Good for you, Aaron, for being brave and having the self-respect to be honest with your parents. I know that must have been very difficult and frightening for you. Sounds like you have a good escape route planned. Now get financially independent (hard when you're in school still, but gotta do what you gotta do). In the meantime, your parents know the score (because you've told them), so no need to belabor the point and aggravate them (and yourself). If they have a problem with you being gay, it's their problem, not yours. It's up to them to accept reality. If they can't, they'll just be missing out on a huge chunk of your life.

Best of luck at college! :)
 
Guys let's not be too hard on the parents here. A lot of coming out stories involve the gay guy being kicked out from home. His parents are still with him. Just because they are finding it hard to accept that he is gay does not mean they hate him all of a sudden. They are not the enemy as most of the advice seems to suggest. If my daughter is a prostitute I will disapprove but it does not mean I hate her (bad analogy I know but you catch the drift) In time I believe they will be more accepting. Which is why I am also asking if he is the only son as that would obviously make it very hard for some parents to be accepting (keep in mind they already have grand kids in their minds etc.) It takes years for most gay people to come to grips with the sexuality and yet we expect our parents to do it on the same day we tell because "well if they really love me they wouldn't have a problem with it" With maturity comes the ability to see things from many perspectives and to divorce emotion from decision making.
 
Rolyo85 said:
"It could have been a lot worse" is NOT a good argument. It should not BE at all. Just because it's hard to get used to the idea is not an excuse to do the wrong thing.
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i dont see anyone pushing that argument, the argument I was pushing is they need time just like you do
 
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