coming out for new years

[barryash]

Hi guys i have been in the cloest for 24yrs now and i'm tired of pretending that i'm interested in girls and my freinds keep thinking i'm wierd tjhat i 've never been with anyone b4

So new years is comin up and i 'm startin a new college and believe that maybe i should come out

so i have many q's for you guys

is it easier to tell all ur friends at once or just gradually who you feel comfortable with ?
I'm no prepared to tell my folks yet as i live at home - so should i put off telling anyone if i can't tell everyone.

I mean i've never been with a guy but you know when ur gay right!

Is life better out of thie closet - i'm not worried about my freinds as they're pretty open minded

Guys if life better over the rainbow [ excuse the corny lines ]


Welcome to all advice
From downunder Australia

 

[hotb0d]

It's liking working your way down a pyramid. Always tell the people that are closest to your heart first (ex: parents, sibling, best friends...etc), then you work your way down to normal friends and so forth. I'm in the process of coming out too and I've told pretty much all my best friends and the people that are important in my life at the moment, and so far, I think it's easier to tell them one-on-one. It's a good way to express any feelings or clarification that you or your friend may have.

good luck

and yes it's so much better on the other side of the rainbow. Nothing like being yourself.

 

[Morticae]

Hi Barry,

Good post. I am in a similar situation, I have chosen not to come out. I have assumed the worst case scenario and that is me being disowned by my family. In approximately a year I will be fully independent (College degree, job, house) so I will stand less to lose, and I will attempt to muster up the courage to tell them at that point in time.

I would worry about telling friends before parents, just in case it leaks back to them.

Do whatever move you feel is right. In my situation I feel it is the most intelligent thing to wait until I have the least to lose. I have noticed hints of intolerance in my family, but if yours is different then you may find it an acceptable risk.

Regardless of when you tell people, I hope for the best possible outcome for you.

 

[Lube]

Some really great advice here.

Some additional thoughts:

Don't come out too slowly. Word gets around quickly. It's not necessarily mean gossip, but people naturally like to talk. So once you start, it may spiral out of control faster than you think. You have the power when you tell people, rather than having them hear through the grapevine--especially your family. So tell 1 or 2 very close friends first, let yourself get over for a couple days, and then start telling people in earnest.

You should get to a point where you don't care if people accept you or not. Some people won't (although that's relatively rarer these days) and you have to just accept it and move on.

But life is sooooo much better on the other side of the rainbow!

Good luck.

 

[Rand]

Some really great advice here.

Some additional thoughts:

Don't come out too slowly. Word gets around quickly.

I would think there is some truth here. Coupled with this comment:

You have the power when you tell people, rather than having them hear through the grapevine--especially your family. So tell 1 or 2 very close friends first, let yourself get over for a couple days, and then start telling people in earnest.

You should be sure to list those really important to you, so that none of them will say: "Why didn't you tell me."

I would also pick close friends that would be more probable to support you. Then I would seek their thoughts about who best to tell next. Build a support team. Communicate and be honest with them about your hopes and fears about who to tell.

Good luck, and it is your life - celebrate your life.

Rand

 

[thisisinteresting]

If it's easier for you, just stop pretending. I never pretended to be straight, but I never formally came out. If someone was curious enough to ask, I told them. Worked for me because I keep my love life seperate from my social life. When I hang out with my boyfriend, I just hang out with my boyfriend. It's really nothing to be ashamed of, and good luck. On one hand I'm sorry you've waited so long to do something so liberating (and easy after you do it, if you ask me), on the other I'm glad you're trying to make some progress. The way I saw it, if anyone has any problem with it, they're not the kind of person I'd want in my life whether I'm gay or not. It's like an easy filter for douchebags. G'luck.

 

[Eagle653]

At the end of the day, it's you who is coming out, so use your instinct on whether to come out at once or one by one.

Several factors to consider:

1. How well do those you're coming out to know each other? Is timing relevant here?

2. Is there any among them who make take this badly?

3. How at-ease are you will having these conversations?

For me, I came out one by one over a 6 month period. I did the "easy ones" first to get positive feedback and to practice my speel and feel more comfortable saying the words. Others, though, announce it at gatherings and that's fine if it's appropriate and won't cause an undue ruckus at the gathering.

Either way--good luck and congratulations on taking a big step!

 

[barryash]

thanks guys all great advice i appreciate the help and think telling really close freinds who don't care whether i'm gay or not is the best thing to do to build a close group and start from there

.... doesn't mean i will turn into a flamer overnight!!! or does it

 

[Lube]

.... doesn't mean i will turn into a flamer overnight!!! or does it

No, of course not.

It takes at least a week.

No, but hopefully you will become more comfortable with yourself. Check out my siggie.

 

[G-Lexington]

You get a pair of rainbow short-shorts after coming out to five people. It's in the bylaws.

Seriously, don't bother prioritizing. Pick someone you feel comfortable with, and tell them. Don't say "I'm telling you first, so please don't tell anyone else." Do say "I'd like to tell everybody on my own, in my own time, so I'd rather you didn't spread this around just yet."

As for your folks, luckily, our parents and our friends tend to be separate worlds. So you can come out to friends without necessarily alerting the 'rents.

And is life better out of the closet? Dude, you have no fucking idea how much life kicks ass over here.

Lex