Coming out is near impossible for me.

[luminum]

Look, if one of your best friends already thought that you were gay and still did the whole physical closeness thing, then it means that your relationship with him probably won't change. Your friends probably already talked about it.

It's up to you to trust them enough and if you're still concerned, tell them that you don't want things to change.

It might just be that you're perceiving things as different, when they don't.

As for the youth ministry, if you find the right church, it won't matter.

 

[WYSIWYG]

Well since you moon and flash, take showers together, grab ass....a long list! Do you have numerous erections? Do they? Does not sound as it is a problem at all! I think your thinking too much mate. Your true freinds wil STILL be your true friends whether your str8, bi, or gay! Sex is only a part of who someone is!!!!!! Has NOTHING to do with LABELS!!!!

You being a youth minister is a whole different issue or problem! (Depending on the religious organization your with!) Not sure what to tell you there mate!

 

[Orlandude]

Coming out is a personal decision, in my opinion. It is not a mandate. Your individual circumstances and how you feel should govern what you ultimately do. While coming out is the only answer for many people, for many others it is simply not a good solution. There is no right or wrong about it and it's not always an issue of "hiding". Only you can make that decision, based on your circumstances and when you are ready.

 

[Lube]

Look, if one of your best friends already thought that you were gay and still did the whole physical closeness thing, then it means that your relationship with him probably won't change. Your friends probably already talked about it.

It's up to you to trust them enough and if you're still concerned, tell them that you don't want things to change.

It might just be that you're perceiving things as different, when they don't.

Yeah, what Lumi said.

I mean, your good friend just told you that he thinks (i.e., knows) you're gay. Obviously it's not a problem for him.

God, I wish I had friends like that when I was younger.

 

[drhladnjak]

I agree with what others have said above, but just thought I'd point something out. Friendships change all the time anyways, especially when you're younger. Somebody moves away. Another one gets a girlfriend and goes off scene. Your friendships are going to change because all of you are going to lead your lives, but hopefully the friendships are strong enough to last through it all. Not being honest about who you are is more likely to weaken a friendship and change it in a non-sustainable way I suspect.

 

[JackFTwist]

as for youth minister - you've got to be out for that - that position requires honesty, and among other benefits being out means your motives are all clear - people know you are there for the real and right reasons and no other agenda

as for being out to friends - same thing actually -

 

[Riverrick]

I agree with what others have said above, but just thought I'd point something out. Friendships change all the time anyways, especially when you're younger. Somebody moves away. Another one gets a girlfriend and goes off scene. Your friendships are going to change because all of you are going to lead your lives, but hopefully the friendships are strong enough to last through it all. Not being honest about who you are is more likely to weaken a friendship and change it in a non-sustainable way I suspect.

This is so true. The tides of time will change your relationships anyhow so why not put your foot in the water and be a part of that change. Its not like your sexuality is going to go away, so you're going to be faced with it eventually.

Good Luck!

 

[rareboy]

as for youth minister - you've got to be out for that - that position requires honesty, and among other benefits being out means your motives are all clear - people know you are there for the real and right reasons and no other agenda

as for being out to friends - same thing actually -

Absolutely. If you can't do this without being open and honest, stay away from this vocation....recognizing that a declared bi-sexual will scare the living daylights out of just about any parent.

 

[lifeisamazing]

Coming out is a personal journey and quest that the soul, mind, and heart must all take together - and dont rush these things. However, by your Screen name I am taking you live in California - which is very very very very gay friendly, so not much to worry about.

And dude...if someone is willing to drop you because your gay - like they couldn't accept that little fact, they were never really worth it anyways.

Just take alot of time and think it over, when I came out at 14, alot of people already kind of knew....and I didn't have much to worry about.


You'll be alright! . Just take it slow...thinks things out.

 

[evil_danger]

I'm quite flirty with a few guys I work with, always stroking and the like, I get it in return. I though once they found out I was bi they would stop, or be quite rude about it, Neh doesn't bother them. Like the others have said it doesn't change who you are and if your friends change around, for example saying fag then saying sorry, just explain that you don’t care.

I mess around with it myself sometimes "Oh he’s such a fag" "yeah your right" "hey don’t insult my people" well I hate the word fag, but you get the idea.

As for work in the church, that’s a different issue all together, it shouldn't be. Some places it is better not to confess your sexuality, your not lying about it, but discretion sometimes is best.

 

[hotatlboi]

One of my best friends recently told me he thinks I'm gay and wish I'd just tell him, I assured I'm not gay but left out that I'm not straight either.

I guess I don't really understand this. That is the BEST possible situation to be in when wanting to come out to friends. If you can't be sincere in that circumstance it seems more like a lie than just choosing to keep a secret imo.

 

[neruda]

Coming out is a personal decision, in my opinion. IOnly you can make that decision, based on your circumstances and when you are ready.

Exactly what he said!!!

 

[m59583]

I kinda doubt the guy at the seminary school is interested in your sexuality---maybe getting you enrolled...

So long as you get in, though--that's the first step.

Since you weren't disappointed the first trip, go for the second one. I have a feeling the reaction your friend gives you is going to mean more to you in the short-term, though, than the one from the seminary did.

 

[backpacker]

I think you are over-thinking the whole thing. Since you're not worried about them accepting you, just come out. Tell them you are still the same guy and don't want anything to change. If you hold back much longer, they may resent that you didn't trust them enough to come out.

 

[rareboy]

So he knows what I was trying to get at, I think. I'm gonna let him make the next move.

Once you have admitted to yourself that it is okay to be gay and not something to be afraid of, hopefully you'll make this declaration to your friends.

Too many young guys seem to conduse coming out with confession; that you are sharing a dirty little secret that you seem to be ashamed of. It is not. If you choose to announce your sexual preference, it should be because you are proud and happy with the person you are.

I'm afraid that you and your gay friend may be headed down that path of having gay sex, but as long as you never say the words out loud, you can both pretend to one another and the world that you're 'straightish'.

It is this confusion and mendacity that will be the undoing of your future role as a youth minister. It is this kind of denial that has led to so many priests thinking that they can employ this kind of logic while the choirboy is blowing them.

I think the next move is actually still yours. Good luck with it.

 

[boy0boy]

Hmm reminds me of a story I once read about a guy's first time. Ended up being with his buddy that he did the same stuff with, messed around had a good old time just being guys. And what do you know.. one night after getting drunk he tells him that he finally has him to himself and they had sex.

He possibly likes you. Sounds possible, to me at least. I bet he was all excited when you announced something you needed to tell him and thats why he rushed over! Ha... well whatever the case may be, people do seem to feel trusted when you come out to them, I don't see it having any dramatically negative repercussions.