Coming out is too easy nowadays

[Lube]

OK, so I (a 40-something year old guy) came out to my family a couple weeks ago. Other than the sister who I knew would be a problem, it went as smoothly as cake frosting. My old-fashioned, conservative family was totally behind me, all the way.

So yesterday I have lunch with one of my best friends. (I hadn't told any friends yet.) It seemed like a good time to broach the subject, since we were talking about my impending divorce.

He didn't bat an eyelash when I told him. It was as smooth as silk. He's married with a couple kids.

It's been so anti-climactic!

Maybe I'll just have to start telling random strangers, just to get a rise out of somebody.

I guess it's good to live in a liberal metropolitan area in a liberal northern state (USA), and to have open-minded friends.

 

[Riverrick]

WHAT???? You're GAY????

HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME? Great, just Great! Now I have a gay friend. What am I going to tell people? Huh?

Couldn't you have kept that to yourself? Why do I need to know this? What you do in bed isn't something I really need to know about. Have you gone to church lately? I didn't think so.

DON'T TELL ANYONE ELSE! They don't need to know. Especially don't tell "...".

You know that nice girl at the market is single and I'm sure she would go out with you. Oh............Stop thinking of yourself for once!!!!

Let's just forget about it, Ok? I don't want to talk about it any more.

Is that better?

(Some of these things my mother actually said to me when I came out!)

 

[Lube]

Oh, I feel better already, RiverRick! LOL

 

[Riverrick]

See what you're missing?

I think it helps that you're a little older. People aren't going to question your judgement like they would a young guy. You've had time to be sure of your preference in their eyes.

And perhaps they knew it was coming some day. Is that possible? Often other people know we are gay before we are willing to admit it.

 

[Lube]

And perhaps they knew it was coming some day. Is that possible? Often other people know we are gay before we are willing to admit it.

Sure, that's a definite possiblity.

But what's really weird is more than one of the gay guys I've been with have actually come out and said, "Are you sure you're gay?"!!

Gays think I'm straight? Str8 folks think I'm gay? I can't win. LOL.

 

[Dobson73]

Sure, that's a definite possiblity.

But what's really weird is more than one of the gay guys I've been with have actually come out and said, "Are you sure you're gay?"!!

Gays think I'm straight? Str8 folks think I'm gay? I can't win. LOL.

LOL! I have a similar problem!!! I still ask my ex partner if he's sure he's gay, he wears black socks with shorts and has zero fashion sense and can't stand Barbra Streisand or show tunes!!!!! And as for me? So many Gay guys miss me off their radar until I flat out tell them I'm Gay. :-(

I don't know that coming out is easier, the reaction is simply less horror stricken than in years past. And yes, the benefit of age. Coming out at 40 when you're more comfortable with yourself is a lot easier than at 18 or 20 when you're so young and not really knowing too much about yourself, let alone other people.

 

[Christopherb36]

I am glad it is easy to come out these days...maybe we are making progress...

 

[mega]

I came out many years ago and it too was anti-climactic. I'm thinking "Where's the drama!".

In Dan Savage's column this week there is a letter from a guy who is hurt because his long time best friend has come out to everyone but him. He can't understand why his bud hasn't told him yet.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

I guess, River is right. A lot of it has to do with your age.

And, sure, a lot has to do with the liberal city you live in and its liberal attitude.

Yet another point. You are probably pretty much independent. People will mostly tend to agree with you, especially, if they realize that there is nothing they can do about it.

Being a college or even a HS kid and coming out might still be a very different story altogether. If your family feel that they can exercise pressure to change you, or even that they can give it 'a try' without having to face any consequence, more likely than not, they'll go for it.

So, yeah, it has become somewhat easier, but it ain't easy yet.

SC

 

[BrandonSBCA]

It is easy to come out nowadays. But its just people need to becareful on how they are open about their sexuality because it can lead to blackmail, and all that other bad stuff. Like in my case.

 

[1st love ron]

I'm glad it went well for you. I would suspect that they already had a clue that you were gay and that's why it was anit-climatic (just a possibility). In my case I'm single and the same age so it's pretty obvious (but not married, thank God, LOL!).

 

[doctorsun]

I'm glad it went well for you. I would suspect that they already had a clue that you were gay and that's why it was anit-climatic (just a possibility). In my case I'm single and the same age so it's pretty obvious (but not married, thank God, LOL!).

In the old days, you'd have been called a "confirmed bachelor".

I think it is easier to come out now. Most people just plain don't care anymore. It's a non-issue and really, isn't that how it should be? I think it's great that so many gay people come out and it ends up being a bigger deal to them than it is to the people they tell. There will always be bigots and Bible-thumpers who refuse to accept that gay people are people, too, but their numbers continue to decrease.

The last time I came out to someone, it was really funny. It was in my food prep class and we had just gotten our uniforms and one of the girls I had been talking to since the semester started said "these uniforms make us look gay." I said "well, I AM gay, so I'm used to it." It was funny to watch her place her foot firmly in her mouth. We laughed about it and moved on...no drama.

 

[taiger65]

So, yeah, it has become somewhat easier, but it ain't easy yet.

word.

The last time I came out to someone, it was really funny. It was in my food prep class and we had just gotten our uniforms and one of the girls I had been talking to since the semester started said "these uniforms make us look gay." I said "well, I AM gay, so I'm used to it." It was funny to watch her place her foot firmly in her mouth. We laughed about it and moved on...no drama.

haha, i wanna do that one day.

 

[megustamyn]

It all depends on the situation – the person, the community he lives in etc.

I’ve done work with gay youth and know many who wound up on the street when the family found out. In some cases they turned to prostitution because they felt it was the only way they could make a living. I once mentored a young man (15) whose grandmother had custody of him because his parents didn’t want him. Then she got tired of him and told the family court judge that he was sneaking out at night to turn tricks and she could no longer have him in her house. It was a lie; she just didn’t want him anymore. He ended up in the foster care system.

Two weeks ago a young man was gay-bashed in Brooklyn, New York. He made a date with someone he met on the Internet. When he got to the agreed upon place he learned it was an ambush. Three guys beat him and then pushed him out onto the Belt Parkway where he was run over and died.

Every November there is a transgender day of remembrance. Groups throughout the country gather to remember people who been victims of hate crimes within the last 12 months because of their gender identity. My church has been hosting one in our city for several years. There are generally between 12 and 17 names in the United States. This event is only about crimes against transgender people, not the gay community at large. The number would be much larger if it were all LGBT people.

I don’t say this to scare anyone, but we should be aware that there is still a long and difficult road ahead of us.

 

[riden3]

this is a very, very good thing though.

 

[taiger65]

i can already imagine the future where
-guys won't get offended when they get hit on by other guys
-and the public acknowledges no such thing as absolute gay or straight, only that there's a spectrum that runs from one end (attraction to the opposite sex), to the other end (attraction to the same sex) and that everybody falls somewhere in the middle

 

[spreadeagle]

At forty, it's more likely that your family and close friends are simply relieved that you've finally got the guts to confirm what they've all known for years.

 

[jjc_7]

Coming out has been pretty anti-climactic for me as well (I'm 22, just fyi). I think the only one to have asked if I was sure I was gay was my dad, and I still can't remember if he actually said it.

My best friend from Norway is moving in with me next semester, and I felt I needed to tell her just in case she wasn't comfortable with it. So the conversation went:

Me: So, I wanted to tell you that I'm gay. I just wanted to make sure you were okay with it before you moved in."
Her: "Yeah, I pretty much know already."
Me: "Really?"
Her: "Yeah."

So that was pretty freakin' easy. I honestly didn't think she would have a problem, but I had to make sure before she moved around the world to live with me. And one thing that stuck in my mind was when she told me that she was surprised that I would even have to ask if it was okay with her. In Europe (and in more places in the world these days), people don't even bat an eye-lash. It's defintely a good thing.

 

[Soilwork]

I say this once a month.

It's always a bigger deal to us than to anyone else.

 

[doctorsun]

I say this once a month.

It's always a bigger deal to us than to anyone else.

Absolutely. Coming out is more of a therapy for us as the gay person finally accepting ourselves enough to let it be known that we're gay. It's not so much about actually revealing the fact anymore; it's about reaching that important point in our own growth.