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Coming Out & Liking Him

jayamsterdam

jayamsterdam

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Hi there,
I'm new to the site so I hope this will be helpful. With that said, I just graduated college. I'm bisexual. My two best friends know but no one else. I am really becoming more comfortable with the idea and am now in a sticky situation...


I work out at a gym where there is a really hot guy working. The first time I met him I was chatting with my friend who works there and he walked around the corner and immediately started talking to me and complementing my tattoo. Ever since then, we were always friendly with each other, having conversations, he'd ask me what I did over the weekend or even went out of his way to go to the club's lost and found to help me find some swim trunks (never did find them) but all the other employees would just walk into the back room for 2 seconds and come back out to say, "No, we don't have your trunks."

Anywho, I always thought he was really hot and absolutely gorgeous. Well, I meet this guy on Adam4adam and he wants to hook up with me. Turns out, he also goes to my gym. I ask him if he thinks any of the guys that work there are hot, and he goes, "Yeah the guy at the front desk is super hot...and did you know he is gay?"

WHOA. Totally blew my mind. I never did think he was gay, I just thought he was super hot and making me nervous. Turns out, the guy I met on adam4adam ran into Mr. Gym Boy at San Francisco pride!
Anywho, now that I know he is gay, I have been coming in somewhat flirtatious. When I approach the desk, there are 2 people at all times to chekc guests in and I always make sure he gets my card. He always asks how I'm doing and gives me a lot of eye contact. I go out of my way to have conversation with him and it usually lasts a good 2 to 3 minutes. Lately I have been walking out, giving him the peace sign, and then walking up to him to bump fists before wishing him a good night.

Now here is what I need to know: how do I let him know that I'm interested? I have no idea if he knows that I'm bi. I don't know if he's just being friendly or if he is interested.

The next time I see him I want to ask him, "So Mr. Gym guy (fake name, obviously), what is it that you do when you're not working?" (while i wink at him).

I'm totally new to this approaching guys thing. The only approaching guys thing I've done is online and thats usually been to mess around. This is different. This is face to face and ugh, I dunno what to do.

Please, someone help me!!
 
You've got to somehow engage him outside of his workplace. He's going to be nice to you there, perhaps overly-nice, and even a bit flirty perhaps. But, he isn't going to risk anything (if he any smarts at all) by flirting with you there or making the first move.

Find out when his shift ends, leave the gym about the same time, and ask him if he wants to go have a drink/coffee/supper, etc. If he's as interested in you as you are in him he will either immediately accept, or if he's busy, he'll set a definite time/date to show you he's serious.

As the customer in this situation, the ball is in your court to act. He can't--at least, not responsibly on the job. He might have the hots for you too wishing you'd make a move and invite him out because he knows he can't while on the job.

Good luck. Be informal, polite, and no drama if he declines. If he turns you down, and doesn't make an offer to schedule, just smile say "maybe some other time" and let him off the hook.

Good luck; let us know what happens.

By the way, WELCOME TO JUB! :wave:
 
jayamsterdam said:
Please, someone help me!!
Click to expand...

How comfortable are you with your own sexuality?
Coming out is a process that can be very lenghty.

Are you sure you don't just want him because you think he's made himself available by being gay? Many straights/bis I know think that gay men fuck other men indiscriminately.

I can assure you, it isn't always the case.
 
It's very difficult because his job will not allow him to hit on customers. It's very unprofessional, and could get him fired, as you can understand.

However, I have an idea!

Since he works out at the gym, he must have a free membership to it. Most gyms encourage their employees to use their gym to stay fit as positive role models to the rest of their customers.

When you see him next, ask him when he finds time to work out at the gym when he's not working. Once you know his workout schedule, you can plan your time to work out around his. Once he's off the clock and on the weight room floor, he's fair game. When you see him working out, go up to him, ask him about his workout, and see if he can show you a couple of his routines. ;) At this point, you're making casual conversation with him, and can steer it any way you want:

1. Ask him if he'd like to grab something to eat/drink after your workouts.

2. Ask him what he likes to do for fun. See if any of his interests can spark a conversation to invite him out to do something you mutually enjoy (see an upcoming movie).

3. Mention something in the conversation that indicates you like guys. You already know he's gay, but he might not!
 
Just_Believe, I like your idea....I did already screw up kinda by emailing him on Facebook and haven't gotten a response. Its been 24 hours. I'm not sure if he checks his facebook religiously like I do, but I am hoping maybe he'll write back. I saw him today but he was leaving as I was entering the gym and I didn't make eye contact because of the Facebook so I don't even know if hes aware of the message. Next time hes working, though, I'll just smile and say hi and hope that maybe he brings up the message. If not, I'll just take the hint...
 
Ugh i made a HUUUGE mistake.
He apparently had his facebook settings set so you could not search him by just typing in his name. well, i found him through a friend of a friend, and emailed him one line:
"wassup boy"
just to initiate the conversation. well, he never wrote back.
i went to the gym one time and saw him working out and he didn't look at me - i was not sure if it was because he didn't see me or what.
then i ran into him tonight as i was entering the locker room and he was exiting, we almost bumped into each other, so i just said, "hey wassup buddy!" and he just looked at me and kept walking. then as i exited, i said, "see ya later!" and waved at him. he just waved back with a STERN look on his face. did not say a word. he is usually very talkative with me.
i guess he felt violated because i emailed him when perhaps he didn't want to be contacted by people he doesn't really know.
i just feel like a dumb ass now.
*slap myself in the face*
 
Oh, I see. Yes, that does give the appearance of being a bit stalkerish. Also, as a personal preference, I get really turned off when a guy messages me the first time with a message like, "wassup boy." He's not a boy, he's a man. A man also does not respond to "wassup." That is so 1990s from Scary Movie.

He's giving you the cold shoulder. You blew it. At this point, it's time to move on. Hopefully, he will cool off later on and at least start smiling at you again out of politeness.
 
It just dawned on me, I have no idea if he is even out. He is very masculine and I never even thought he was gay until someone else told me. Today I ran into him again and this time he was being himself and said hi to me so maybe he was just pissed off. Either way, I am not initiating anything until I get to run into him at a bar or a party and actually have a conversation with him. For now, I'll just count him as a loss but will still stroke it to the thought of his arms around me. Ooooh yah!
 
It just dawned on me that this man may not even be out! I find him extremely masculine, did not have a clue he was gay, had to have someone else who ran into him at a gay bar tell me. And then here I am, like an idiot, fairly masculine myself, emailing him. No wonder he gave me a dirty look!
I saw him today, accidentally ran into him, and he actually was himself and said hello to me. So I will just count him out as a loss for now and only talk to him if he initiates a conversation. At the moment, I have to consider this a lost cause, but will still enjoy my masturbate-a-thons to the thoughts of him wrapping his arms around me (lol jk).
 
It just dawned on me that this man may not even be out! I find him extremely masculine, did not have a clue he was gay, had to have someone else who ran into him at a gay bar tell me. And then here I am, like an idiot, fairly masculine myself, emailing him. No wonder he gave me a dirty look!
I saw him today, accidentally ran into him, and he actually was himself and said hello to me. So I will just count him out as a loss for now and only talk to him if he initiates a conversation. At the moment, I have to consider this a lost cause, but will still enjoy my m
 
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