Coming out, need some advice

[Rinriku]

Hi everyone one,
I've been here for a while "stalking" the forum but wasn't registered so never wrote anything.
At the moment I'm dealing with a problem about my coming out.
Ok here it goes...

I'm 22 and I'm gay, I came out to my closest family like 1-2 years ago. No one rejected or anything. Everything went well. My mom said "well you know how the society is about this, what you want to do?" and I said "Nothing, I want to keep things like they are right now."
Eventually I told some of my friends too, all great.
But basically I'm still in the closet for the "others"

The reason I'm writing this is because I need some advice of what to do now.
I live with the feeling that I'm not free... Its like I have the need to tell everyone that I'm gay. I don't want to write "im gay" on my forehead and go out but..For example when I'm talking with people I just met I always have the feeling that I'm hiding myself, I'm always cautious with my words so they don't think I'm gay and stuff like that. It's annoying and I can't take it any more...
I think if I keep doing this I will never be happy.

But on the other hand... there's my family... I'm worried that they will get pointed out by others like "The son of X is a fag", etc.
So I don't really know what to do, I feel like there's no way out. It will never be a happy ending.

What you guys think?

Sorry about my English.

Thanks

 

[jaysizzles]

Your English is very good...no need to apologize. It's better than many native English speakers.

You are out to your family and friends...they are the ones that matter, and they accept you for you. Your sex life and sexual orientation are really not the business of most of the "other" people you come in contact with. There is no need to make a big grand announcement to the world that you are gay. For me, I don't tell my clients that I'm gay. It's not that I hide it either, but the subject just doesn't come up because it's not relevant to me providing a service for them. I've had gay clients that I didn't tell either...there's no need to discuss my personal sex life in a professional situation. You know?

You can, however, start to live and act the way you want in public, and be living more openly as a gay man...holding the hand of a boyfriend, wearing a rainbow bracelet, wearing clothes you like, whatever...and sure, the "others" will come to realize it soon enough, but so what! If they have a problem with you, that's on them. Maybe they will talk about you behind your back, but for what...2 days?! After that you'll be yesterday's news, and most of them won't even care.

Just remember that you will never please everyone...but you can strive to please yourself and be happy. So live your life the way you want and be yourself.

 

[njcollegekid]

dont worry about what people will say about your family and such. if that is a worthwhile topic for them, they are very boring people. i just recently came out. a good number of my friends know, and so does my mom. the most recent friend who knows, does so because he happened to notice me browsing grindr and asked what is that in a kinda surprised voice. told him im bi, and that its an ap that shows guys near you who also like to have sex with guys. he was like 'wtf!?' and then 5 min later we were on a totally different subject and who gives a damn who or what orifice i choose to put my penis in.

 

[Seasoned]

^That's really all you need to hear. Just be yourself and begin to take steps to meet other gay guys. It will become more obvious once you begin dating and/or hanging around other gay guys.

 

[mobley]

The reason I'm writing this is because I need some advice of what to do now.
I live with the feeling that I'm not free...


I can totally relate to this feeling. I'm a bisexual man in my fifties, out only to my wife. I constantly feel like I'm not being honest with my children and siblings (my parents are both deceased) but coming out to them would serve no other purpose than to allay my own insecurity. My love for my family and career far exceeds my need to tell people something they really don't need to know. I have to constantly remind myself that my sexuality doesn't totally define me as a human. It's only one piece of that puzzle, similar to my IQ or sense of humor. Still, I would like to know that people truly accept me for who and what I am, in total, not just what I want them to know.

 

[vater292]

I agree with pretty much everything that has been said. Don't really worry about what others will say, just be yourself. Also agree with what Seasoned said work on hanging out with more gay guys and it becomes easier to feel out. I haven't ever directly come out at work but with just some general conversations about weekends and such it just kind of became evident when I talked about the bars/clubs I had gone to. Outside of a few important people I see no real reason to directly tell anyone but let it become known whenever it comes up.

 

[Rinriku]

Thanks for all the cheerful comments guys. Thought about it for a bit and its true, can't be worried about what others say or think, just like everybody in this world I deserve to be happy.
I guess I will turn another page on my life!

Once again, thank you very much.

 

[dereperez]

One can never be truly happy if he constantly worries what others will think. He just has to do what makes HIM happy. Looks like you are well on your way.