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Coming out on Facebook

Racer Dave

Racer Dave

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Okay so here's the deal, at the end of October I made the conscious decision to come out and have since then told allot of my close friends and family. But now on Facebook my interested in part is still blank and would like to change it to 'men'. But of course that means that all my friends there will see it, and allot of them I haven't told yet. As usual allot of the people I'm Facebook friends are old school mates or people I only see under certain circumstances

So either I wait for the opportunity to tell them, which should take about 10 years :lol: , or change it and say nothing and deal with the comments as / if / when they come. Or actually place a status up declaring my homosexuality and then change it.

What say the greater JUB collective, any experiences coming out on FB?
 
Don't be a queen- Just change your status to interested in men, delete the notification. & It's done.

Coming out- It's about acceptance, and being true to who you are. It's about being honest with yourself, and not feeling ashamed of who you are.- Not feeling like you need to deny who you are. If you think it'll help you out dating wise, don't have any expectations.- It may, or may not. Just change it, delete the status notification, and just continue enjoying your life.
 
hi Racer Dave,

Good to hear you have told your family and all of your close friends that you are gay (ie, not interested in females). I tend to think that this news will go around, so more and more people around you will be aware that you (a male of 31 yo) are not 'straight & still single'. So people around you (also on your work) will find out that you are gay, and you don't bother anymore / don't hide anymore who you really are.

I am not on Facebook, but I don't see good reasons why you should openly announce / make an update that you are gay. Staight guys also don't make this kind of remarks.

I tend to advise you to change the interested part from 'blank' it to 'men', without any sort of automatic status update which can be seen by anyone. I have no idea if this kind of setting is possible. I tend to think that anyone who is now and then visiting your Facebook might be aware that you are interested in 'men'.

Getting & having a boyfriend is another easy option, when this is visible on Facebook. Maybe you also have some gay friends / aquiantances, and you might upload some photo's taken at a gay party (or something like that).

Well, others might give you a different advice.

Best wishes.
 
You can put anyone you don't want to see your "interested in" status in a list and use the privacy settings to block the list from seeing that. If you decide to come out further to certain people, you can remove them from the list later on.

And don't listen to comments like "don't be a queen." People who say such things are as ignorant as the homophobes. Coming out is an intensely personal thing and don't ever let anyone try to sway you one way or the other. Do it on your own schedule.
 
Hmm, I can tell you what I did. When I came out, it took a semester for me to go completely public (for various reasons). In the mean time, my "Interested in" section was blank. Then, about a year ago, I decided that's bullshit, made a huge list of the people I don't want to see my relationship and interested in statuses and then made them public for friends and networks, except for the people on the list. In my case, those were the people I knew would spread it too quickly, and those in my home country (which is pretty homophobic) who I wanted to tell first or who didn't need to know.

Since then however, the list has been getting smaller and smaller, and anyone with half a brain could put 2 and 2 together from the enormous quantity of gay related links, pics and videos I post on my wall daily...

But yeah, the list thing is one route, and I can tell you it works.

But posting it on a status i a bit queeny, I agree ;)
 
Well thanks for the responces guys. Roylo85 I like your sugestion, I'll play with the lists option and take it from there.
Thing is I suspect allot of people already know like Ganoderma said being 31 and single is a bit of a give away, that and in the last 10 years I've only atempted one relationship with a girl and that was me allowing myself to be presured into it (by some friends) and I was miserable. When it all fell apart in June, after all of three months, it started a chain of events which ended in Octobers decision to come out. Also everyone I've told to date has pretty much said they always suspected it deep down inside, or at least at some point in time had the thought cross their mind.
 
TopherGF said:
I used to have my "interested in" field set to "men" but I couldn't stand all the freaking ads that were directed toward gay this and gay that, so I changed it back to blank. I've got other things on my profile that suggest it, like this quote from 'Bones'. (Yes, I'm kind of a nerd.)

If I was in a relationship, though, I wouldn't hesitate to list it.
Click to expand...

^^ I forgot about those too.. I am in the same boat as this guy right here. :P

Minus the indicators.
 
Well I finally did it and changed it. Of course before I could delet the notification some clutz posted on my wall about it, suppose I should have learn't how to delete shit via the android app instead of having to wait 20 minutes before I could get my laptop conected to facebook. Well one thing lead to another and next thing I knew his wall post had a few comments. So against all the good advice I posted up a status confirming it. Not exactly what I'd planned but ja it's done.

So far so good though, not one person has said anything nasty yet and the general tone seams to be that they're all really happy for me.

It also means that after 16 years of self torment and hate I'm fully out and can start living my life the way I want. :D

PS, the first thing I did after posting the status was google how to delete posts via the Facebook Andriod app
 
Grats Racer Dave, I'm out to a few of my friends and my mom, I'm coming out completely in about 5 months when I graduate highschool. I actually recently deleted my facebook with not really any plans to get a new one, but I had thought about what to do with this if I still had one when I came out.

It's not really a big deal to be honest, for me at least, facebook is like 10% people you care about and 90% random friends that don't matter, so what does it really bother if the 90% see that update and want to say something or not. Just my 2 cents but IMHO facebook is a narcissistic black hole of doom and hardly anything good comes out of it. I've been quite happy these past 2 months after deleting mine :D
 
This is actually my first reply/post on this website; a friend told me about it a couple of days ago.

I've also thought about changing the "interested in status", but not seriously, as I haven't even told people like my family, or all of my close friends, just a few know.

I would want to tell those kind of people directly, rather then have them find out over Facebook. I wish I could muster up the will to simply change it, delete the notification, and deal with issues as they arise with family, and other close friends or acquaintances who ended up being curious about it, but I guess I'm just not ready.

I know I will be in time, and I hope you will be too. Sorry if my first reply on this website ended up being iffy, for a lack of a better word, haha.
 
Howdy Secat and welcome. I haven't been here that long at all myself, but the guys here have been great during the little bit of interaction I've had.

The first thing you must do is tell those close to you before making any other big announcements or changes, you owe it to them and you owe it to yourself.
As TopherGF said coming is the hardest and scariest thing I've ever had to do in my life, more difficult than doing laps in a 350hp purpose built sports car for the first time. But I can't believe how well I've been received do date since starting this process.

If you want to chat about it feel free to shout or drop me a PM (*8*)
 
hi Secat-,

First of all, welcome to JUB and I hope you will make many friends over here. I am not on facebook, but I tend to agree with your own ideas (who are also the ideas of Racer Dave).

So what's your current 'status' on Facebook? Blank? Or 'interested in females'?

I tend to have the opinion that such a status on Facebook is irrelevant, so I would always choose for the option 'blank / not indicated'.

So right now some of your friends are aware that Secat- (a guy of 18) is bi/gay. Hopefully, this circle of friends will get larger and larger. Well, and at a certain moment you won't bother anymore who knows that you are gay. You are an open gay (and at that moment maybe already with a boyfriend).

Think about you walk along the street, or you do shopping, and meet people here and there, etc.

Straight guys who are single don't walk around with a cap with 'I am straight and I want to have a girlfriend'. So why should you walk along the street (= also facebook) with a sign that you are gay?

Open gays don't bother. They are a male, and people will find out, and otherwise people won't find out.

Things change when you will have a boyfriend (same like the straight guy will have girlfriend). The straight guy will often tell about his girlfriend (or gets text messages from her all day) or will put a photo of him and his girlfriend on his Facebook, etc.

Best wishes & take care & feel free to ask any other question.
 
Thanks for the welcomes, everyone. I've told a few close friends, yeah, and the results so far are really nice. It's a great feeling to feel more "real" to people who I've known wouldn't have too much of a problem with it.

As for my status, it's said "Interested in Women" for a few years. I agree, people don't normally walk around with signs put up about their sexual orientation, so It makes sense to leave my facebook blank, and just answer people who question it or are curious.

But thanks again to the welcomes. You all seem pretty awesome so far! :)
 
Congrats :) It's good to know you've had a good experience! Personally, that's just too much of a change for me. I just leave the "Interested in" portion blank. Then again, I've left most of the information blank :P

But you did what's best for you, so congrats! I'll see you around the forums :)
 
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