Coming out, out of the question for you?

[O-Sexy-O]

To me it seems as if it would be the end of the world I know and love! I know for a fact that my family and church friends would turn their backs completely to me if I ever did come out! My other friends would probaly be ok with it! I just kills me to know that in order for me to have a happy life with my family and all the people I know, I could never come out! I think it kills me more when my sister doesn't understand gay people and she is against it stronly, it kills me because that's my best friend and I can't even be open with her! Sometimes I just wish and pray that God would make me straight but guess what, it doesn't happen! Will the rest of my life be a lie?

 

[lostinnc]

I've been out to my friends for years, but recently came out to everyone else (via facebook)...and it was a mixed reaction with my religious friends. Some have stopped talking to me, while others have started talking MORE to me. People will suprise you...it's just up to you if you're ready to make that jump.

 

[O-Sexy-O]

I will never be ready to make that jump! It's really out of the question but I just worry on how that will affect my happiness for the rest of my life!

 

[Eagle653]

Try not to live the rest of your life in the next week. Things have a way of changing over time--both your attitudes, and the attitudes of others. Everyone gets older and wiser and grows apart in time.

For right now, it doesn't sound like a good idea to come out. Those closest to you, except your friends, would reject you it seems. Since they cannot handle who you are, it seems to me they've forfeited the right to know you on that level.

I wouldn't despair about the rest of your life, though. At some point, you may choose to move away from them and strike out on your own, perhaps in another city. It is there and then that you can be the real you. Back home, they will know and love the old you. If, at some point, circumstances change and you want them to know the real you, then you can choose to tell them. Until all these changes occur, though, it would seem irrational to me to bring all these hassles down upon yourself by prematurely coming out before everyone--including you--is ready.

Good luck!

 

[backpacker]

First, know one should stay in the closet if interferes with their happiness. You cannot live your life for your family and friends. I think for your own well being you will need to come out at some point. Your post just screams that you really want to be out.

Before coming out, I think you need to build a support group of accepting friends. Try joining some gay groups. You also need to be financially independent. Your post doesn't provide a complete picture, but for now I am going to assume that you are still young (18-22) and live with your parents. If this is the case, I wouldn't rush to tell them if you are sure their reaction will be bad. Just put together a plan with milestones and be sure to follow it. Even if the plan takes a year or two to complete, knowing that you will come at the end of that time will help get you through it. Of course I'm not saying you should wait a year or two, but I think the sooner the better.

 

[WYSIWYG]

Let me give you my life experience on your idea of never coming out! I lived the first 40+ years doing exactly as you suggest! I was very very unhappy...miserable in fact! I did as my friends did dated women, even got married! The marriage was terrible and down right disgusting! After 25 years of marriage, I became menally and physically ill! I was dying, mentally and physically! I got a divorce and am with my bf right now, and I haev to tell you that being with him was the best thing that could have ever happened to me!!!

YOU CAN NOT live your life bases on family, friends, and especially church! As suggested build a support team of friends etc. Your church and your family and friends will change over time!

What is IMPORTANT is YOUR HAPPINESS, your ability to seek and find love! It is YOUR life, NOT theirs!

We creat our own barriers! Better to break them down and BE HAPPY!!!

 

[RicanDAB]

Sexy,

As you get older you will likely change your viewpoints. When I was in my late teens and 20s, I would have rather died than come out. Now at 37 and out, I would not have it any other way. I don't regret coming out at such a late age because I know I was not ready to face others with this back then. Now I have a whole different perspective on things and my happiness is paramount to what others think of me. I need to live life on my terms now.

Don't rush things ... come out only when you feel it's time and when you've become fed up with the charade. Takes some longer than others. You said: "To me it seems as if it would be the end of the world I know and love!" Who knows if coming out would expose you to a world you will love even more? Won't know until you go there.

BTW, those your lips in your avatar? Nice

 

[luminum]

The rest of your life will be a lie if you choose to keep on lying. Your situation where your family and friends don't understand or tolerate gay people while you are a closeted gay guy makes you unhappy. So how will you ever have "a happy life with my family and all the people you know"?

You won't.

The choice you have in regards to friends is to come out and see which friends will surprise you by being understanding and accepting you and which ones will turn their backs on you. that will show you who your true friends are.

Your family is always your family in some way, and sometimes they don't react well at all, but you have to roll with the consequences and seek happiness without them, sometimes.

 

[O-Sexy-O]

Thanks guys for all the advice! I guess I'll just have to wait and prepare myself more! Who knows what the future may bring!

 

[Soilwork]

it kills me because that's my best friend and I can't even be open with her!

Not much of a friend then, is she?

Will the rest of my life be a lie?

Yes.

but only if you let it.

Sorry.. but eventually, a man needs to grow up and live for himself.. not for others. You need to live on your own terms and not the terms of the people who have conditions on their love for you.

 

[Soilwork]

I never thought I could come out either.

But I did. And the world kept on turning. Amazing.

 

[O-Sexy-O]

She is my best friend she just doesn't know. I think that if she found out she would be ok with it because I know stuff about her that she tells me, but I just really don't have the courage and strenghth to come out to her.

 

[backpacker]

I never thought I could come out either.

But I did. And the world kept on turning. Amazing.

Soilwork, that's a great quote. The mods should be a sticky out of that at the top of this forum.

 

[Soilwork]

She is my best friend she just doesn't know. I think that if she found out she would be ok with it because I know stuff about her that she tells me, but I just really don't have the courage and strenghth to come out to her.

hm.. so it's you that's holding back and not her.

Why dont' you trust her enough to tell her? I mean.. she's your best friend...

 

[O-Sexy-O]

Because if I ever lose her it will be the end of my world. You don't understand how much my sister means to me! We've been through soooooo much.

 

[Soilwork]

read my posts about my brother. I know.. trust me I know.

you do it on your own time table.

but it's killing you... you know that, right?

 

[O-Sexy-O]

Yup! I know!

 

[Soilwork]

... and you plan on doing what about it?



(we can cheer from the sidelines, but you're going to have to kick the ball all on your own.)

 

[O-Sexy-O]

Come out to my sister. Hopefully!

 

[Soilwork]

well. you came to the right place for some advice.