Coming out/questioning

[dhutchid]

Hey my first post here.
I'm 19 andwas recently 'outed' by a friend when he found certain files on the my computer. I had realised i was gay for some while but after this i got slightly confused and wondered whether i was gay or it happened to be a four year on and off phase. I then came out to another close friend - although still questioning i wanted my close friends to be on the same level.

After this my friends although aparrently fine with it said absolutley nothing about my sexuality for ages. The other day though another friend of mine asked me whether i was gay and i said yes. Aparently he noticed i didn't join in converatins about girls. He had the most positive response of all and seemed completley fine with it and asked lots of questions - maybe not what some people want - but i felt cormforted by his intrest.

But yet again i find myself questioning again about whether i'm really gay. I still find no sexual attraction for girls but look at loads of men on the street and think fuck no i'd rather do a girl. Obviously i find boys my own age better but i still wonder whether i aren't really gay but just intrested of boys my age. obviously i feel like i can't go back in the closet - i feel nothing for girls but sometimes nothing for guys as well.

Is it possible to actually be straight and this confused????
I'm i being overly picky in my view of guys ????

 

[skaterboi]

If you dont find girls sexually attractive you're gay, regardless of what age guys you're attracted to.

I personally am attracted to guys 16-24ish, I'm quite young looking myself and couldnt imagine getting with anyone older, if doesnt make me any less gay and like all people as I grow older Ill still like younger guys (well duh young is sexy!) but ~I'll also become more attracted to guys that will be my own age or a little older.

Don't stress over it, after all everyones attracted to different types and theirs no rule saying you have to walk down the high street and be attracted to every guy! (just like straight guys aint attracted to every girl!)

 

[Eagle653]

Yeah, I agree--I wouldn't stress over it. You may not be comfortable with the idea of being gay yet, but you know you're not interested in girls. At some point, it will all come into focus for you. Just go with the flow and go after the objects of your attractions. That will lead you to where you belong.

Good luck!

 

[thermodynamics]

Yeah, I wondered about the same thing at first. It seemed like I was gay, but was slightly homophobic, if that makes any sense. But then you get used to it, and things change. Besides, you don't need to and probably shouldn't be attracted to every guy you see.

 

[jockboy01]

Perfectly normal I think. I tend to be attracted to guys around my age. I used to think that it was just younger guys, but really, I'm no longer attracted to 18-21 year olds (at least those that look their age). No offense, just not for me any more. So you're doing fine and don't need to adjust your standards at all.

 

[Riverrick]

Yeah, I wondered about the same thing at first. It seemed like I was gay, but was slightly homophobic, if that makes any sense. But then you get used to it, and things change. Besides, you don't need to and probably shouldn't be attracted to every guy you see.

Good point here. Its probably your own fear of being gay and some feelings of disgust about it that's affecting your mindset about having sex with guys.

I think you need some gay friends.

 

[dhutchid]

Yeah some gay friends wouldn't go a miss. I would give me someone to talk with more about gay stuff without the fear of making my friends digusted. Having said that one of my friends managed to digust me when i came out them - "so do you just get attracted to male genitailia" Me: "eww don't say it like that it sounds too clinical"

 

[Seifer20]

It sounds like you are gay. It just means that you aren't attracted to all men. Sexuality is a tricky thing, but if you already know that you aren't attracted to women, then that makes things slightly easier for you.

Also, as others have already mentioned, it's not weird or unnatural to be attracted to those around your age. I think that's the case for a lot of people. But if you're still dealing with your sexuality, it is possible you are raising your standards unrealistically high so that you don't meet anyone that fits the bill. Probably talking to people will make things more clear.

 

[bayern20]

dhutchid

We all have preferences. Not finding fat guys, unattractive guys, older guys, "hot" or "appealing" does not make you straight. You are gay if you connect to males both sexually and emotionally. The emotional part may not be there yet (depending on if you've had relationships/crushes, etc, but that should come) Dont let one experience with a guy tell you, "oh, I cant see myself being with a guy". Just like you may connect with a girl emotionally but then notice you cant be attracted to her sexually. You need to have both of those components.

We find attractive what we see in ourself, 99% of the time. That means, right now, you are young, you are a certain way, (I dont know maybe skinny, etc) And maybe you want what you are. But figure out what that means. If you get to 40yrs old, you will like other 40yr old man. I know its hard to imagine now, liking men you find unattractive currently, but you are young now..many of us think that way. I actually thought the same thing. I thought, "I dont really find many older guys that great..there are some hotties but otherwise naw" so I thought "am I really gay? maybe this is something I grow out of because I cant see myself attracted to 40yr old man.. but I am 22yrs old now..when I am 40, if my brain still works the same way..I will be looking for someone close to my age again and maybe my new body (now I am skinnier, look young, but that wont last forever) You will look for what is similar to you once again even when you are old but that might be a lot different then how you are today.

 

[Riverrick]

Yeah some gay friends wouldn't go a miss. I would give me someone to talk with more about gay stuff without the fear of making my friends digusted. Having said that one of my friends managed to digust me when i came out them - "so do you just get attracted to male genitailia" Me: "eww don't say it like that it sounds too clinical"

I think herein lies the problem. You put yourself in their shoes and say they would be disgusted by your tastes. And because of that, you don't have access to the part of you that loves cocks and balls and chests and handsome faces and sucking and fucking and kissing guys. I felt that way once and I remember how it interfered with my sexual fantasies.

My advice is to try to start living your own life. Your friends have their tastes and they aren't ashamed of them. They are going to go on with their lives and satisfy their desires and enjoy doing so. How long do you want to wait to do the same? My guess is that you are more critical of your attraction to gay sex than your friends are. I think its time to work on shedding that.

 

[dhutchid]

Cheers for the comments guys. Yeah i think i go in phases to be honest of feeling gay and feeling really good about it and then gay but do i want to live that life. I keep coming back to the former.

As some have said i have no feelings for girls. I have a really good girl friend (friend who is girl) who is leaving uni at the end of this year and is really beautiful. I realise that any man would be lucky to have her but i'm just not capable of feeliing that way about her. (she has a boy friend btw) I'm sure she has worked out i'm gay by now (the bf certainly has).

Yeah i should focus on coming out to more of my friends (two of my future flat mate are yet to be told) and maybe joining the lgbt group at uni. To be honest i feel increasingly right about being gay and want to get on with it