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Coming out soon...Slowly

N

nobodyknows9455

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I am thinking I will be coming out soon, but it will not be to everybody, and not very quickly. I am probably going to come out to one of my best friends first, one of which seems slightly bi/gay at times. I would like to know if there are any tips/ feelers to find out a little more about his thoughts on homosexuality and whatnot before I tell him. But without being blatant and asking "What do you think about gay people?" out of the blue.
 
Don't do it like I did on New Years Eve two years ago(drunken and to the WHOLE party but then again everyone seemed fine and a few girls actually asked me if I thought their boyfriends were hot). To find out his thoughts on the subject, just ask certain questions like how he feels about the recent New York gay marriage or something of that matter. At the end, if this dude is truly your best friend, then he won't give a flying f*ck if your a gay alien from the planet Jupiter. Hope things go well for you though!!! ;)
 
Welcome. I wish you well on your first steps on coming out. I think you already have a sense if your friend's values or you won't be considering him as the first to tell. Good luck.
 
I may have mentioned this earlier, but I have some feelings for the friend I am planning to come out to when the time is right. I would like to tell him, but I'm not really sure how. I think it may be a good idea to wait a while after I tell him. If I said, in essence, "I'm gay and I love you" he may be turned off... Opinions, Thoughts, Tips?
Thank you
 
nobodyknows9455 said:
I may have mentioned this earlier, but I have some feelings for the friend I am planning to come out to when the time is right. I would like to tell him, but I'm not really sure how. I think it may be a good idea to wait a while after I tell him. If I said, in essence, "I'm gay and I love you" he may be turned off... Opinions, Thoughts, Tips?
Thank you
Click to expand...
Keep the coming out issue and the feelings-for-your-friend issue separate. Your instincts seem to be to come out to your friend first, and that's right. Let him digest this information over a period of time. If he's interested in you, he will let you know sooner or later. If he doesn't, after a few weeks you can have a candid conversation with him, but you have to tread carefully here. If he really isn't into you, and he perceives you're crushing on him, it could make the friendship awkward because he'll be weirded out that the only reason you like him is to do him.

So, go slow. Come out to him and see how he reacts--not only during the conversation but in the days/weeks afterward. Play it by ear. Good luck! Let us know how it goes!
 
::::SLAMS ON BREAKS::::

DO NOT, and I repeat, DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES... ANY, NO IFs ANDs OR BUTs, TELL YOUR FRIEND YOUR FEELINGS FOR HIM!

I'm going to say it again.... DO NOT, and I repeat, DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES... ANY, NO IFs ANDs OR BUTs, TELL YOUR FRIEND YOUR FEELINGS FOR HIM!

Baby steps - you said yourself you want to come out S-L-O-W-L-Y.

Come out to your friend. You probably have a good idea what his reaction will be - thats awesome! He might react with a "OK, whats your point?" or he could say "Really? Thats awesome. So are you seeing anyone? Let's have an engaging conversation about you because you're my friend and I care" or he could say "Hey, me too! Let's go find boys together!"

The thing I've seen time and time again in my own experience, is that when I tell my straight guy friends, even though they're totally accepting and fine with it, is that they take a few days (really, like 2) to sort of come around and talk.

No matter how OK they are with homosexuality, or me, they just want to come to terms with their own thoughts on it, and that should be respected. Furthermore, if you tell him "you love him" or just "i think you're cute" you could really creep him out - you don't want him to think the stereotypical "my friend just came out and now I'm afraid he's going to poke me in the butt." It's an immature reaction, but bluntly, that's just what happens. He may also then feel that he can't trust you, or think that if you're out somewhere, you may try to put a move on him.

Tell him YOUR story. Make it about YOU, coming out is about YOU. Let him react, let him tell you he supports you and cares about you. Heck, he could ask you to help him get girls, or ask you if he thinks he's good looking? Don't let that be a gateway to say "OMG, yeah, you're hot!" if he does, just say "Yeah, you're decent!" play it off as a joke. Whatever you do, don't tell him how you feel about him. It could really do lifelong damage to your friendship.

But other than that, GOOD LUCK! lol I'm not trying to rag on you, or deter you from coming out. It's a very liberating experience, and you will feel a lot more confident around your friends than you already do. Let us know how it goes!
 
dhchitown1984 said:
::::SLAMS ON BREAKS::::

DO NOT, and I repeat, DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES... ANY, NO IFs ANDs OR BUTs, TELL YOUR FRIEND YOUR FEELINGS FOR HIM!

I'm going to say it again.... DO NOT, and I repeat, DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES... ANY, NO IFs ANDs OR BUTs, TELL YOUR FRIEND YOUR FEELINGS FOR HIM!

Baby steps - you said yourself you want to come out S-L-O-W-L-Y.

Come out to your friend. You probably have a good idea what his reaction will be - thats awesome! He might react with a "OK, whats your point?" or he could say "Really? Thats awesome. So are you seeing anyone? Let's have an engaging conversation about you because you're my friend and I care" or he could say "Hey, me too! Let's go find boys together!"

The thing I've seen time and time again in my own experience, is that when I tell my straight guy friends, even though they're totally accepting and fine with it, is that they take a few days (really, like 2) to sort of come around and talk.

No matter how OK they are with homosexuality, or me, they just want to come to terms with their own thoughts on it, and that should be respected. Furthermore, if you tell him "you love him" or just "i think you're cute" you could really creep him out - you don't want him to think the stereotypical "my friend just came out and now I'm afraid he's going to poke me in the butt." It's an immature reaction, but bluntly, that's just what happens. He may also then feel that he can't trust you, or think that if you're out somewhere, you may try to put a move on him.

Tell him YOUR story. Make it about YOU, coming out is about YOU. Let him react, let him tell you he supports you and cares about you. Heck, he could ask you to help him get girls, or ask you if he thinks he's good looking? Don't let that be a gateway to say "OMG, yeah, you're hot!" if he does, just say "Yeah, you're decent!" play it off as a joke. Whatever you do, don't tell him how you feel about him. It could really do lifelong damage to your friendship.

But other than that, GOOD LUCK! lol I'm not trying to rag on you, or deter you from coming out. It's a very liberating experience, and you will feel a lot more confident around your friends than you already do. Let us know how it goes!
Click to expand...

I agree with everything said here. I hadn't planned to tell him right away about my feelings, if ever, depending on his reaction.
I ALMOST told him yesterday. We were kinda on the subject and the words were on the tip of my tongue. I just couldn't say anything though. I have got to do it, and just get it over with... I was kinda upset at myself for not just saying it when I could have
 
Well, as an update, I have been coming out!
It is such a weight off of my shoulders, for whatever reason, now, I've noticed that around the people I have told, nothing is awkward.
Over the past two weeks I vacationed on the west coast, visiting family. I told my cousin and she was extremely happy for me, and was very accepting, I also told the friends of hers I met, mostly because I had let my guard down somewhat and it was kinda obvious, They were the most accepting people and just made my heart warm by being so kind and open about their feelings, which were all positive, they love me for who I am, not what sex of person I find attractive...
I also ended up telling one of my newer friends, not my best friend yet, and he thought it was cool and he could kinda sorta tell, but just a little bit.
I told my one friend that I have known for the past 6 years very closely, and she understood as well, that it doesn't change who I am and that I have no choice about it...
I would like to thank you all for inspiring my "outing" It has been and will continue to be a relieving experience. I may never tell anyone else in my family, at least not for a while, they are all pretty old school-bible thumping people and I don't know how violently they would react...
Thanks again!(!)
 
Congratulations! I'm so glad your process is going well. ..|

I imagine that having people you care about still accept you is an incredilbly affirming and wonderful feeling. That is just simply wonderful.

We're all proud of you!

Adding a few dancing bananas because a happy outcome deserves it.

(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)
 
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