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coming out to a co-worker

indyass4days

indyass4days

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Hello all. I want to come out to a co-worker who I've been chatting with and we've been kind of becoming friends I think, he is gay as well. I'm not sure how to do this, It never feels like the right time to say it. Does anyone have any advice about doing this. I've also not come out to very many people, so it's kind of hard for me. Any thoughts?
 
hi indyass4days,

Great you are starting to becoming friends with one of your co-workers and an excellent idea to tell him right now that you are gay. Your co-worker is definately aware that you are not married with a female and your co-worker is definately also aware that you don't have a girlfriend (and likely as well that you don't seem to have alot of interests in girls, etc.). Your status indicates that you are single, so introducing your boyfriend / partner to your co-worker is not an easy option to reveal to your co-worker that you are gay.

Telling your co-worker that you are gay depends partly on the way how you are used to interact with him. You might simply tell him that he might have wondered why you have no girlfriend / wife and that being gay is the reason why you have no girlfriend / wife. You also might tell him that you want to be honest to him and that you are therefore telling him that you are gay (in case he was not yet aware of it). I also would advise you to tell your co-worker that you are not closeted (implying that you are not hiding that you are gay and that he is allowed to talk with others about this topic). You are right that it often will be the case that it never feels that it is the right moment to tell him that you are gay. So my advise is to tell him it as soon as possible, and definately in a private situation. I assume you are quite sure that your co-worker is not some sort of homophobe and I would like to advise you not to ask him if he might be gay as well.
 
—So—
Never been in your situation.
But I think the truth is, there's likely not going to be some kind of optimal moment. There might be inappropriate moments, but those will be fairly obvious. Like, you're not going to be in the middle of a board meeting and then tell your friend that you're gay.

I don't see any reason why you shouldn't be able to be honest and say basically what you said here. 'Since you're gay I felt like I could be comfortable with telling you that I'm also gay and it's nice to know someone who's a bit like me.' Or something along those lines.

How did your friend come out to you? What was your response?

Also, consider what your expectations are. You want to come out for some reason. It may be as simple as not having to worry about if you say something that blows your cover (Because you're blowing it on your own terms) or it could be so you two can go clubbing or something; I dunno. I think understanding the 'why' would be helpful. Just so you don't set yourself up for disappointment maybe hoping for more than your friend can give ya. It might also make it easier for other, more experienced, people to give you advice.
 
hi indyass4days,

Thanks for the response and good to hear that your co-worker is not some sort of homophobe. I underline the good advise by SeaCore and I also agree with SeaCore that it seems very likely that there will be not some sort of optimal moment to tell him that you are also a gay guy. Just be honest to him and tell him something along the lines of the proposal of SeaCore, and do this in a -more or less- private situation.

Your profile indicates that you are living in the US and it thus seems to me that it must be in the end not a big deal to tell your co-worker that you are gay as well and that your co-worker does not need to hide to the rest of the world that you are gay.

Good luck and don't hesitate to ask additional questions about this topic.
 
I know how you feel. My wife left me a couple years ago and my close "straight" friend of nearly twenty years made a move on me, which I eagerly and happily accepted. I was always "bi" but kept that part of myself quiet. I have only told two close friends about my now same-sex relationship. You could tell your co-worker and ask him to keep it quiet I guess. Are you interested in him? If not, is your sexual preference really anyone else's business?
 
I'm interested in having a friendship with him and it would be nice to be able to talk to someone that shares this particular interest. I've never been able to talk to anyone about being gay and I've only been able to accept myself recently which, gaining self-acceptance has been a many year process, so I'm just now in the position to be able to talk to anyone about being gay.
 
Please keep us posted if ya do end up coming out to 'em!
I certainly hope it turns out to be what you're wanting, or maybe more~ (I don't particularly mean romance)

It's great to hear that you feel comfortable in your gayness!
 
I know it’s a little scary to come out at work (even just to one person) but in this case I don’t think you have anything to worry about. On the contrary, you’ll probably feel a lot better!

I used to be in your shoes. I stayed in the closet at work for years, long after I came out to my friends and family. I knew I had gay co-workers, but I wanted people to see me for myself (and my work) and I was worried I’d get labeled. But it turned out the anticipation was a lot scarier than the real thing.

Eventually I came out to a trusted co-worker, and it was such a huge relief. I could finally talk freely about my life. Not that I wore my heart on my sleeve, but I could talk about little things like what I’d done over the weekend. Eventually I developed a whole network of gay friends, which turned into a great professional network.

Based on what you’re describing, it sounds like you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Think about it: he’s gay, and he’s told you he’s gay. So you know he won’t have a problem with it. And he can probably give you tips on what it’s like to be gay in your company/ industry/ etc. Just do it!!!
 
I told my friend that I am gay. He was very receptive and positive and I felt really good about the conversation. I definitely feel different too, like something has changed now for me, something positive. Like I'm closer to a community that I could only look through the window at before
 
indyass4days said:
I told my friend that I am gay. He was very receptive and positive and I felt really good about the conversation. I definitely feel different too, like something has changed now for me, something positive. Like I'm closer to a community that I could only look through the window at before
Click to expand...

Excellent... and congratulations!!!:=D::gogirl:(UU)
 
hi indyass4days,

Great you have told your co-worker / friend that you are gay, great that his response was very positive and great that you look back very positively about this step. I suggest you tell your friend / co-worker that he does not need to hide to others that you are gay.

Take care & all the best.
 
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