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Coming out to my best mate

M

MJay11

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Hey, I've been a member for a while but never said anything till now. I'm not out to anyone yet, but I have a feeling that I'm bi. I love gay porn, but equally love straight and lesbian. Anyway...

My situation so far:
My laptop died the other week, and I got a new one, but I still wanted a lot of the data on the old one. So my best mate said to me he could try and recover some stuff, so of course I was wrapped! I thought I'd lost all my photos and music and had to start from scratch again.

*To put this into context, my best mate is the greatest friend I've had - and I've only known him for a couple of years. It's like we've got some sort of connection in that everything just seems so easy and fun around him, like no other friend I've had. And he's indicated (cause he's not the whole deep and meaningful expressive type) that he feels the same.*

So he comes over and tried to hack into my computer, and it dawns on me that if he recovers my hard drive, he may also discover beneath all those fake folders, my section of gay and bi porn.

He was having trouble but got close to accessing it, but he had to go home, so he asked if he could take it home and try to hack it there, and I couldn't say anything but say hesitantly yes, or else it would have raised suspscion that I was hiding something.

Anyway, he goes home and then later contacts me on MSN saying he accessed the hard drive! I thought that's amazing! But then he says, 'I found some other folders but they were in a whole lot of other folders'... my heart sank. I tried to palm him off and just told him to copy it all to his external hard drive and I'd get it from him later. So he does... Later on, he says, "hey I just saw the copying process.. there's a folder called, "Bareback_Blondes", wtf? you dirty dog!'... again my heart sunk, and I felt ill, so I just tell him, "lol, just don't look and copy! and get on with your uni work!"

By this time, I had to go out to a party, and on the way there was still thinking about what had just happened. So I wrote a text saying, 'Bro, you're might see some weird shit in those folders. I must apologise in advance and I'll explain it to you later. I'm so sorry.' I tossed and turned about the decision to send it to him, or should I just wait it out and see if he brings it up... I sent it.

That all happened yesterday. Today I open up my computer to see an offline message from him saying, "all done", as in the copying. I check to see the time he sent it, and it was 2 minutes before I sent the message when I was out.. Faark.

So I'm at work and he comes online to msn, and we chat and joke around, but I'm still feeling uneasy.. He then says, "oh bro, what did you mean by your text last night?" I didn't respond for a good 10 minutes cause I was frozen in fear and anxiety. I just said, oh don't worry, I'll explain tomorrow (I'm hanging with him tomorrow for lunch). He keeps going no about it, asking me to tell him, jokingly asking if it's nudie pics of girls we know or even of me (thankfully no). But I just keep telling him to let it go and I'll explain later. He said he didn't see anything too bad, so that confused me so much more.

And that's when it comes to now.

I'm pretty adamant that I'll come out to him tomorrow, and explain the whole thing, because I feel like I'm being so dishonest to myself by not telling someone, especially my best mate. But I'm so worried that he'll just be weired out and what we had as mates will be different. But I'm also hopeful he'll be cool about it, somehow.

Anyway, thank you for letting me air out this, it's been cathartic to express what's going on, the anxiety of seeing him tomorrow is getting the better of me.. Hopefully it will turn out good.

(and sorry for the enormous essay, lol)
 
If he didn't look into your folders, then he is an even better friend than you could hope for because he has made it clear he's respected your privacy.

And if he's that trustworthy, then you can tell him he just missed out on some of the best homo porn. But you'll watch it with him if he wants to sometime.
 
If he's a true friend, then you have little to worry about.

Let us know how it goes.
 
You will feel very relieved if you come out to him. As mentioned above, if he's a true friend, you have little to worry about. He's probably seen what's on the drive, so just follow your heart. When I told most of my friends, they treated it as no big deal.
 
Hi,

Great post. sounds like you have a great friend. Don't fret too much over it. He's probably wondering what the hell is going on. I bet he will be relieved to hear what you have to say is no big deal. A lot of times we build these things up in our heads and once they are out in the open it's really not that big of a deal.


Good Luck and keep us up to date. My guess is you have nothing to worry about.

Steven.
 
Yeah I think you're all good. If he didn't look, good on him, but I'm sure the temptation was there if he saw 'bareback blondes', he probably looked...and didn't give a flying fuck. One of my friends here just found out there's a video of me sucking dick on the internet, and didn't give a shit. True friends don't, and he sounds like he is one.
 
Sounds like a great friend. He didn't look when you asked that and even if he did, he didn't mention it and still talked to you... so I'm pretty sure you'll be alright.

He'll understand that it was difficult for you to tell someone and he doesn't seem like the type of guy who would be weirded out.

Good luck and let us know how it went.
 
I can't add anymore to the excellent posts above except to say Good Luck and let us know soon what happened!
 
Hey all,

Thanks so much for all the messages, appreciate the support and advice.

Okay so met up with him as I usually do on Fridays for lunch at my uni while his g/f goes does this volunteer tutoring thing for disadvantaged kids. But it turns out the kid didn't turn up so I ended up having lunch with him and his g/f... So didn't get to tell him that I'm bi.

But when she was speaking to a friend of hers who dropped by, my mate was on the side quietly still joking around and giving me shit about what's in the hard drive, i.e. pretending he'd seen a sex tape an older mate of ours made with his then g/f (whom I don't like too much), haha.. (btw there's no such video on my hard drive).

Anyway, he's going to come around to my work next week (cause he lives just down the road from it and used to work there, it's only a small company run by a friend of ours), so I can dump the recovered data currently on his external h/d to my comp... I guess it's probably better that I get rid of it off his hard drive before I tell him I'm bi, in case he's weired out by gay porn being on his h/d, lol.

Again, I have to say thank you so much for your messages, cause it's really kept me calm and relaxed, and really grateful for my best mate.

I'm hoping to get to have a chance to speak to him properly sometime next week. Will keep you informed!
 
Ha ha. Well, I'd be very surprised if he didn't look at (at least) a few photos.

And I'd be very surprised if he's "wondering" anything. I think you've pretty much been outed.

But the great thing is that it sounds like he's totally OK with it. Relax!

Before you mentioned that he had a gf, I was thinking he might come out to you, too. Perhaps he may admit he liked a few things he saw or looked at gay porn "once" before, LOL.

Good luck. I'm sure it'll go fine.
 
I'm almost sure that he took a peek at your private folders. This is not a reason for "full disclosure". There is no need for you to feel obligated to open the flood gates and let out all of your inner most secrets. Relax. Don't mention anything. If he does, just chalk it up to curiosity. You can also flip it on him and say "I'd like to see your porn stash mister!". Just down play it and move on.
 
"Inner most secrets"???

And would you buy that story if that's what your friend told you?
 
haha busted. oh man that sucks but it's pretty funny (sorry). let us know how u go
 
Lube said:
"Inner most secrets"???

And would you buy that story if that's what your friend told you?
Click to expand...

He should talk about it when he feels comfortable enough to. He has no obligation to spill all the beans. Another thing, who knows what his friend is into, he could have some fetish of his own.
 
Hey everyone!

Alright, apologies for not getting back, I realise it's been ages since last updated, so my bad! Uni's been getting hectic and so has work.

So I left you saying that I would find a way to tell my best mate that I'm Bi, but situations never eventuated to be opportune enough to do it. And if I'm honest with you all and myself, I'm also quite scared of the repercussion on my friendship with my mate, even with all the support with the amazing support you've all given.

But what's happened in the meantime has been also interesting. Being honest with you, my best mate is cute. I have had the odd sexual fantasy thought about him, and on occasions his gf too. (I feel terrible about this in hindsight, especially as his my best mate, and I think it's more my lonely dick than anything).

Anyway, that's played a part in my being much more affectionate and physical with him, not to mention his relaxed nature about my affection, but that hasn't stopped him joking around saying how gay I am or whatnot. More recently, the other weekend, he came over cause we hadn't seen each other in ages, especially since he lives fairly far away and he's been busy with doing honours at Uni. We watched the footy, especially as he's a massive Rugby League fan, and I like it too, but not as much as him. While watching on the couch, I started to lean over towards him, eventually having my head kind of resting on his shoulder. He looked at me, but left it there, and we talked about the footy for a bit, and then kind of moved his shoulder to get me off and joked saying, "you're a dropped meat pie" (like saying you're not all there in the head), lol. But I still got to kind of lie on the couch next to him leaning on his torso with my arm for the rest of the game before he had to leave.

Then, cause I study law with his gf, but she's a couple years above me, she was running for the law societies elections, and she attracted a lot of criticism for her policy on their facebook page, so I felt inclined to help defend her, letting rip on the others and gaining lots of criticism myself. But she was so grateful for the help, as she was away when all this went down but her boyfriend, my best mate, informed her of it. But what I wanted to say was, he messaged me when I first defended her saying, "What's with this white knight shit..? She's my girlfriend.. so fuck off. But seriously, nice work. :)" lol. So he's been appreciative of what I did.

So essentially, without having to had taken you all around the world with my second essay, things have been pretty cool with my and my best mate. And I guess it's made me pretty relaxed and almost complacent to the fact that I still haven't told him that I'm Bi. But he still jokes around, asking, "so you still haven't told me what the shit I recovered for you was? I know it's like hardcore animal porn or some illegal shit, but just tell me" lol.

Any thoughts? Am I just pussying out of telling my mate?
 
MJay11 said:
But he still jokes around, asking, "so you still haven't told me what the shit I recovered for you was? I know it's like hardcore animal porn or some illegal shit, but just tell me" lol.

Any thoughts? Am I just pussying out of telling my mate?
Click to expand...
Yes, you are. (You asked! :D (*8*))

He said, "Just tell me". What on earth else do you want him to say?!!!!!! He's begging you to tell him. He's OK with it.

It's never as bad as you think it is.
 
Is he even gay or bi? If not then don't flirt with him and do things like brush up against him while you're watching TV. It's not a good way to come out to him because it may be uncomfortable for him when you do come out. Even if he is gay or bi, he might not know how to react if he's not attracted to you or since he already has a girlfriend. Doing all that stuff is only going to scare him away.
 
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