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Coming out to my best straight mate

G

glorylive1

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*dramatic music...*

Today I came out to my best straight mate (who I fancy) after uni... telling him I'm bi. Unsurprisingly he was a bit shocked when I told him I'm bi but I didn't tell him that I like him. He didn't say much about me coming out or letting him know about my sexuality (he's only the 2nd person who knows this).

So, what should I do, or say when I see him next time?

Advice please :-)
 
Tell him "hello", and act normal. Be honest with him. If he wants info, he will ask. If he asks you if how you feel about him (sexually), you might want to back off a little.
 
Don't bring anything up again about your sexuality unless it comes up. Because, after all, it's not your defining quality. If he asks you if you like him, you can be honest and say a multitude of things from, "I think you're good looking" "An innocent crush means nothing" to "you're not my type" depending how much you're willing to risk telling the truth.

But for real. Don't act like anything has changed since you told him.
 
Many, perhaps most, straight guys are afraid of being thought gay. Having people know that he associates with a gay friend raises questions about his own orientation. If a gay man comes on to him, it implies that the gay thinks he may be as well. Many would be insulted and worry about their reputation.
If he shares these concerns he is probably thinking he should start distancing himself from you. If you want to keep him as a friend, you need to forget about sex with him. Don't raise the issue again, and if he does, back off. Tell him you like women as much as he does and you were just a little curious. Wondered what his reaction would be. Just joking.
 
Benvolio said:
Many, perhaps most, straight guys are afraid of being thought gay. Having people know that he associates with a gay friend raises questions about his own orientation. If a gay man comes on to him, it implies that the gay thinks he may be as well. Many would be insulted and worry about their reputation.
If he shares these concerns he is probably thinking he should start distancing himself from you. If you want to keep him as a friend, you need to forget about sex with him. Don't raise the issue again, and if he does, back off. Tell him you like women as much as he does and you were just a little curious. Wondered what his reaction would be. Just joking.
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He told his friend he was bi, not gay.

Be yourself, say nothing about it unless he does. Nothing has really changed, right?
 
Not everyone will recognize the distortion. If people think he has sex with men his friend is likely to distance himself. His friend is likely to be concerned with perception and reputation.
 
I have a good mate I have know since my school years we are like brothers. I have been best man for him twice I loved his first family not so hot on his new family.I have not told him direct that I am gay as I do not know how he will take it However I think he might know.As we are the same age and he has married again and I have never married.I have just left it alone so I will not lose him as he is important to me.If anyone has advice how to get it on a open table please tell me.:wave:
 
Ok he is my best friend no sex or would i want to
 
glorylive1 said:
more promising? how??
Click to expand...
If your straight friend is ok with having a common gay friend he shouldn't have a problem having another friend that happens to be bi. Your friendship is based on trust, support and whatever brought you together, it shouldn't matter to either one of you who you end up in bed with.

Ok, it can be hard on your part if you fancy him but if you really value his friendship you will automatically not go "there".
 
Benvolio:
I'ts really not for someone to worry about what someone else thinks of him. That's how people "distort" themselves: they're trying to figure out who they should be instead of staying centered and being who they are.
People pretending to be other than what they are will never be "authentic" to themselves, much less others. That's how people stay screwed up, by not being self-aware.
 
And GloryLive1, I agree with everyone else. Turn your fancy elsewhere, otherwise it can appear you were friends with him because you also like guys. It wouldn't even be remotely smart to make a move on him. Even if he suggests something, he might be trying to see if you do fancy him, and your responding to his advance will seal the deal in his mind that you always had desires for him.
Don't mess up a friendship, much less a "best friend" friendship for something as transitory as sex. It's not a smart move in any situation, and certainly not given that he may have known the other guy was gay, but your announcement was a surprise to him.
Keep yourself away from even thinking about sex with him and let him feel "safe" around you now that you've told him you also fancy men.
 
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