Coming out to my fraternity this weekend...

[seveninchdong]

Hey all,

I belonged to a fraternity when I was in school, and though I realized I was gay halfway through, I never came close to coming out while I was in school.

I've been out in the real world for 5 years now, and after coming back from a reunion at my fraternity (both alumni and current residents were there), I realized that based on the attitudes that I witnessed, and the fact that I don't want to spend the rest of my life coming up with increasingly complex answers to why I don't have a girl yet, I made the decision to come out this weekend.

First, to my roomates in my current home (not brothers of my frat, but really cool guys): Went really well!

Second: I phoned my best friend from my frat: obiviously surprised, but totally accepting (he changed the subject to hockey and his job qucikly after that though, hahaha)

Finally: Through the miracle that is Facebook, I messaged everybody that I knew from my frat (including current residents). That's about 150+ people.

The reaction: all positive!

Some excerpts, will post more as they come in...


"couldnt care less old buddy, brave move, very brave."



"Haha that is cool to know, but it doesn't change anything. And I really hope you don't think it will. I believe nobody will look at you any differently and I just thought that you would like to know that.

'Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.'
Dr. Seuss"


"Jimmy,

I will be the first here to say that you have my support in any decision you make in life. You have been a good friend for years now and that is not gonna change in the future. That house on the hill has change many peoples lives and given them same things its given you. I hope all is well out west, and I will be talking to you soon I am sure.


P.S--if you have any asian fetishes (ed note: he teaches in Korea) let me know I will see what I can do for ya...haha"


"james... whatever makes that little boat of urs floats, is fine w/ me bro, ur still a man to me, and welcome here anytime...

we just wont be sharing a bed! (is it too early for a light-hearted joke?)"


"Hey James,

I think it shows alot of courage for you to open up to us. I feel privledged to be someone that you can confide in. That said. you're a good man with a good heart - Your sexual preferances changes nothing. God speed ol boy."

 

[BluesDog]

it's great that went so well... you must be happy!

 

[Atomw7]

"Jimmy,

I will be the first here to say that you have my support in any decision you make in life. You have been a good friend for years now and that is not gonna change in the future. That house on the hill has change many peoples lives and given them same things its given you. I hope all is well out west, and I will be talking to you soon I am sure.


P.S--if you have any asian fetishes (ed note: he teaches in Korea) let me know I will see what I can do for ya...haha"

That the....

 

[seveninchdong]

By the way, this is the message I sent to my brothers in the Facebook message:



Hey Guys,

Some of you I've known for almost 10 years now. Some of you I just met last month at the reunion. Regardless, I think of you all as brothers in a family that has provided me with happiness, laughter, good times, and moral support in bad times. Truthfully, I would be much, much worse off today had it not been for the deep friendships that I have formed during my time in our fraternity.

Now, I ask for your support again as I have finally managed to work up the courage to say the hardest thing I have ever said in my entire life.


I'm gay.


Two things -- One, I'm the same person I've always been, and I will always be who I am. Aside from my orientation, everything you've come to know about me is still here and it won't ever change. And second, I understand that many of you may be very surprised by this. Ask any question you want to me -- there are no stupid questions.

Through this great brotherhood of ours, you have given me strength, confidence, and a self-esteem that bears no resemblence to the one I had in high school. Without your guidance, kind words, and support, I would not have the courage to write this message. I would be still be living the tortured, painful existence that I had resigned myself to after high school.


Thanks for reading guys.

James

 

[G-Lexington]

Glad things went well with you. Welcome to the other side.

Lex

 

[Pringle]

Legend - well done

 

[Eagle653]

Wow, that's really awesome. I admire your courage. When you come out, you don't fool around!

Seriously, congratulations. I'm glad your brothers and friends have been so accepting and that this is out in the open for you!

 

[seveninchdong]

More reactions ... about 30 replies total by now, ALL positive!

"Congrats on building up the courage to be yourself James. Best Wishes dude"

"James:

Gay people tend to first come out to those they trust and to those who they need in their lives.

After all, 'a friend is a friend until the end', even if that end is really a new beginning for your friendship.

Coming out is the healthiest thing you could do, both for our friendships and for your own peace of mind.

James you are still the same person you were before I knew how you were feeling. You are the same, what has changed is the amount of personal knowledge between all of us. We now know something of very intimate and potentially life altering proportions, but it will not affect our friendship - I can assure you that!

I think it's important to always be who you are and to not be ashamed of that.

Keep your head up man. Good luck- I really hope things work out for you.

Ian"


"Good for you, James. It takes tremedous courage to do what you've done. I imagine it wasn't easy, but congratulations."


"Hey James. we would all be worse off had we not met all the friends we have at our fraternity . Developing those friendships over the years is what made us feel excepted and allowed us to be ourselves. Orientation doesnt' change the person you are and doesn't change all that you have contributed to us. Glad to hear that it was us that gave you confidence to write this letter. Anyone who doesn't support you, doesnt' deserve to be a brother. Take care and make yourself happy."


"Hey there,

I know thatm ust of been rather difficult to do. It takes a lot of courage and a lot of pride to come out and say that, especially in an email to the whole fraternity.

Honestly, what a better way to do it then that? I have only met you for a brief time, but since we are brothers I feel like I've known you my entire life. funny how that works. I am proud of you. I have a gay uncle, and he has been through a rough life, but I love him just as much as any family member. So I expect the same reaction for us, no matter race, creed, religion, social status, or sexual orientation - you are a brother. A man amongst the boys of the world.

Remember...


My image of you shall not change, for there is nothing about you to change. You are a brother.

Peace out James,
Looking forward to having you back again someday."


"Hey there James. I've read your letter, and you're right, I'm quite surprised by this, however, living in Toronto as an interior designer now, I have a lot of friends that are gay, and I'm very happy for you that you reached the point in your life that you are able to present your true self. Congratulatio James!! Be well."


"Hey James,

I'm glad that we helped give you the confidence and strength to help you get this out in the open. I'm sure you feel a lot better not having to keep it inside. Best of luck in this new chapter in your life.

P.S. If there is anything you can do to stop the Canadiens from beating the shit out of the Flyers that would be great."


"Its good that you finally got it off your chest man! Never good to keep things in.
Your brothers are always here for ya man!"


"James,

I completely support you as well. Live your life and enjoy it ! Nothing changes because of this.

P.S.

The way I see it, if no one were gay, there would be no lesbians, and I think lesbians are pretty damn cool. lol!"


"James,

I'm glad you've recieved the courage to be who you are! As Andrew said that house has given us all stregth to move though difficult times in our lives! You have my support and I'm sure everyone elses with whatever decisions you make in life. I look foward to the next reunion and crushing some more beers remembering great times!

We are all brothers and here for each other. See ya soon!"

 

[seveninchdong]

Wow, that's really awesome. I admire your courage. When you come out, you don't fool around!

Seriously, congratulations. I'm glad your brothers and friends have been so accepting and that this is out in the open for you!

After telling my best friend, and telling other brothers ... I just didn't see the need to hide this from anybody. This way, it will ensure that everybody knows. And I could not have been more blown away with the response so far. I've got so many true friends standing behind me, I feel like I'm 10 feet tall right now!

 

[seveninchdong]

Things seemed to have worked well.

But I think sending 150+ facebook messages proclaiming your sexuality is a little overkill.

As I said, they are all my brothers. How could I pick and choose who was to know and who couldn't know? At I pondered that, I knew what I had to do.

For me, coming out was an all-or-nothing proposition.

 

[tallguy297]

Congratulations mate! It seems that you made an impression on your frat brothers that goes way deeper than who you sleep with!

Its a sign of the who you are as a complete package - not just your sexuality and thats something to be very proud of. You're a great example for us to learn from...congrats again!

 

[Just_Believe18]

That's great. I'm happy for you.

 

[StlKj]

James,

Congratulations on taking the chance and telling your brothers. You're now reaping the rewards of that bravery.

One thing: while you are reveling in how wonderful your brothers were to be accepting and supportive, remember also that their support says not only how terrific each of them is, but it also reveals quite a bit about your personality and character. That they love you this much is a testament to what a great person you must be.

Again, congrats!

 

[Kyanimal]

James!

Congratulations! on Your decision to "come Out", the way You went about it, and the Fortitude that must have taken to do it!!

And, furthermore, what an AWESOME Fraternity that You managed to join!!

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[attallaborn]

congrats dude, that took balls. i would know for im currently in a frat in the south and lets just say they aren’t too accepting of gay people. it seems like whenever im around my brothers, they spew this vile homophobic garbage 90% of our day. its like they cant get enough of relating any and everything that sucks to someone of the gay identity. the comments are shameless and despicable, its so ridiculous that i think they are either gay themselves or really hate gay people with a passion. i wish i had the courage to come out to them but I know if I did, I would scar our frat and greatly embarrass my brothers around campus, congrats dude again!!

 

[seveninchdong]

congrats dude, that took balls. i would know for im currently in a frat in the south and lets just say they aren’t too accepting of gay people. it seems like whenever im around my brothers, they spew this vile homophobic garbage 90% of our day. its like they cant get enough of relating any and everything that sucks to someone of the gay identity. the comments are shameless and despicable, its so ridiculous that i think they are either gay themselves or really hate gay people with a passion. i wish i had the courage to come out to them but I know if I did, I would scar our frat and greatly embarrass my brothers around campus, congrats dude again!!

Yeah, tread lightly in this case. My fraternity (not a greek organization, it's an all-male residence on campus that is basically like a local fraternity) is located in Atlantic Canada, which is a fairly progressive part of the country (not very liberal like Southern Ontario, but quite liberal nonetheless).

The Deep South in the States is very different as far as I can see. Determine who you can trust the most, and try telling them. If you're really nervous, you can wait until you're alumni and try then (like I did, but if I did it when I was in school, it probably would have been fine)

 

[seveninchdong]

A few more responses that I've gotten over the last week. It looks like I'm gonna get responses from about half of them, which is still fine by me, because virtually all of them are my close friends!

####

"James I gotta say that this is one of the bravest things I have ever seen. I'm glad that you are finally being true to yourself. I could not even imagine the stress and pressure that you have been under all these years. To do what you did takes true courage and in my eyes really exemplifies a true brother. Good for you and I wish you all the best in your new, liberated, look on life."

####

"Good on you, James. Very gutsy, and i would expect, very liberating. Keep your confidence levels high, and you'll be fine."

####

"Jimmy,

I am pretty proud of you old boy. Took a lot of courage and you know that nothing at all has changed. We haven't been able to grab that beer for a while so we should look into one shortly."

####

"Hey Jimmy,

I'm glad to hear that you can liberate yourself, and be who you want to be. As far as I'm concered, nothing has changed, and I know something new about you, like I know something new about anyone else every day."

####

"Hope you enjoy a new happyness Jimmy now that your not hiding a secret from anyone. We all know your the same guy."

####

"Hey James,

One thing I've learned over the years is not judge people over what they into. There are many different lifestyles out there: gay, bisexual, swingers, polyamorous, BDSM, etc. What a person does with other consenting adults in private is their own business and no one should be judged on that.

I am no more or less likely to want to go out for a beer or hang out if we were to met up sometime. (If you are ever in Ottawa sometime let me know!)

I know this must of been extremely difficult for you to say. You are very brave, I know this must be a huge weight of your chest. All the best of luck in your future relationships and endeavors. I hope you find happiness and success in all that you do."

####

 

[Kyanimal]

"Jimmy"!

With a bunch of friends like that, how can You possibly go wrong??

And, I trust, that Your sharing this story of Your experience, will Tremendously help Others overcome their "reluctance" to take some of the same steps that You have!!!

Our Lives are far too short to spend them "pretending" to be someone we are not!!

"The only thing we have to fear is "Fear" itself!" __ F.D.R.

THANK YOU!, James!!

Of course, no matter what ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[TygreBryte]

sounds all pretty good. congratulations!