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  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

Coming out to my mother...help.

Kigan, what you did took a lot of guts. Give it some time. When I told my family a little over a year ago, for the next two days I wanted to turn the clock back and undo everything. I had the luxury of having my own place, so I could shut myself off from everyone. Hopefully in a few days both you and your mother will realize that you're still the same person you were before you came out. Give her a little time, and enjoy the freedom that comes with not having to deny who you are. Good luck!
 
Ha, it seems I forgot how the older people in my family deal with things.

Don't talk about it. Act like everything is normal, no matter what the situation. Benefits me at least. She can wear that mask. It will break in time. You can only use a mask so often before it stops working as intended.

But it is fine with me. Life is back to normal for now. However I do expect a fallout sooner or later. It is bound to happen. How can it not?

Thanks for the continued support. I'm no longer wishing to turn back time...though I'm getting a workout wandering Wal-Mart late at night several nights a week...
 
DARLING SHE KNOWS and has been waiting for you to tell her .....So you are getting you're tits in a tangle over nothing.......
 
chuchu said:
DARLING SHE KNOWS and has been waiting for you to tell her .....So you are getting you're tits in a tangle over nothing.......
Click to expand...

Um ok...that was a little out of place I think...unless I misunderstood.
 
I think you need to give your mother's generation a little more credit - over the last forty years being gay has become so 'normal' as to hardly excite comment. It appears that your apprehension about how she might react is generated largely by your own anxiety about your sexuality than by any negative response on her part.
 
I cannot thank you enough Kigan. Wow what you wrote at first is probably exactly how I feel and to get to witness your situation has really made me think about mine.

Mad props, you are so brave for deciding to do it and then following through.


I hope my own experience turns out well. I have a feeling I might also get that "look" but Lex's advice was really helpful. Point is she said she loves you. Hopefully my mother will too. Almost sure she will pull that "pretend it didn't happen,' crap too.

Save a shoulder for me so that we can walk through Wal-Mart together.
 
Hey Kigan,

First mate... feel proud of yourself. Feel proud of who you are and the courage and strength you posses. Feel proud of the honesty that lives in you and the person have become. You did something here that took courage knowing the risks. You did something that you felt you needed to do... and that hasnt changed.

Dont let what you think right now is a bad reaction, change the way you feel. Its way too soon to make that call.

The feelings, emotions and values that guided you to the position of strength to tell your mum are powerful things Kigan. They are the things that make you different and better. They are great things... they are you. Nothing can take those things away from you.

Right now you have to give your mum some time. Dont be too quick to judge her or her reaction.

See, you've known for a long time about who you are... and while you may have thought she knew you were also right when you said knowing is different. So as hard as it is give her some time. Her dreams and how she thought the future might look have probably taking a big turn with your news. Right now as much as shes wondering what it means for you shes dealing with what it means for her.

Kigan, your mum, no matter what, given her reaction and the ones of a few days later, are evidence that she loves you and cares for you deeply. Her shock was fear...fear for you. He subsequent silence is her way of dealing by saying if everything is normal then you'll know it hasnt changed anything for her. Its not denial. Its her form of safety and normality for you.

Give it a few days. And then muster that courage and determination again. And talk to her again.

Explain how you feel. Give her an insight into your life. Explain that you are still you - you still love and care. You still want happiness and still need her. She's lost right now and doesnt really know how to protect you anymore because its a new world for her. You need to explain to her that you;re ok, that you know who you are and what it means for you. Comfort her and let her know that her son is ok.

Its easy to see from your posts mate that your a pretty special guy. And your mum knows this too. In a pretty short time if you guys handle this right you'll be closer than ever - thats what honesty and trust bring to any relationship.

Feel proud Kigan. You've done the right and courageous thing. Dont ever forget that, and time will prove it so.
 
boy0boy said:
I cannot thank you enough Kigan. Wow what you wrote at first is probably exactly how I feel and to get to witness your situation has really made me think about mine.

Mad props, you are so brave for deciding to do it and then following through.


I hope my own experience turns out well. I have a feeling I might also get that "look" but Lex's advice was really helpful. Point is she said she loves you. Hopefully my mother will too. Almost sure she will pull that "pretend it didn't happen,' crap too.

Save a shoulder for me so that we can walk through Wal-Mart together.
Click to expand...

I'm very happy that my situation can help you.

My shoulder is ALWAYS available. Send me a message whenever you want. If you have messenger, I'm always available to talk to there as well.

I'm sure the walk through Wal-Mart is better when you aren't alone.
 
Well just wanted to let you know I got your message. But busy with family this weekend so maybe Sunday I can get on... but thanks for writing to me. Soon as I get free time I'll get on yahoo.. (thats what I use)

TTYSoon!
 
hello kigan...always remember that a mother is always a mother. she will love you no matter who or what you are. cause that's what moms are. its hard to understand them, you have to be a mom to get inside their minds and hearts. opening and being honest with your mom is the best start. do not worry about the consequences, at the end of the day, you will gain her love and support. because she is your mom. thats what moms are for. just reassure her that you will always be there for her. that it is really nothing special. you just want to be honest and come out. tell her that you know deep in your heart that even if you do not say so. just one look at her and she can see your heart and she will understand.

much love
__________________________________

patric
http://expressmen.blogspot.com
 
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